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Are DH's colleagues being unreasonable?

(23 Posts)
twingle Sat 11-Oct-08 01:06:00

My DH works in an office with 4 women. All 4 have children under 2 ( we also have one DS 18 months).
Recently, when he leaves the office for a minute and returns he's often locked out as one or the other of his 4 female colleagues are expressing. Yes, all 4 babies are still being bf..(aged 2, 18m, 17m and 5m respectively)
There is a bf room in a building nearby ( I think it's a long walk from their office though)
In principle DH is supportive of their choice to continue to bf when back at work but he is really starting to feel errr.... discriminated against!
DH is no shrinking violet but neither is he very interested in what he thinks as a women's choice to bf.
I'm kinda on his side in this. Must be really annoying to be continually locked out of the office ( not to mention he ends up staying at work extra hours catching up on stuff he can't do during the day while standing outside the office door)
A change of office is apparently out of the question and he hasn't brought it up with the women either. ( Just comes home seething and whinginig to me!)
Whatcha think?

thumbwitch Sat 11-Oct-08 01:08:59

your DH is NOT BU - it is after all an office and work should be done there - if they need to express there are other places to do it (speaking as one who is still bf'ing at 10m) so they should go elsewhere and allow work to continue in the office.

twingle Sat 11-Oct-08 01:24:00

I think so too. And well done Thumbwitch on 10m!
I also work in the same place ( a hospital- we're both doctors as are the 4 ladies in his office)
I think the thing that really p****s him off is the fact that they are pretty ermm... supercilious ( right word) about the whole thing. He feels like they are looking down on him. ( dopey man thing obviously... )

nooka Sat 11-Oct-08 01:24:54

Think he needs to talk to them. They my be unaware of the impact on him. Perhaps they could work out timings that don't mean he gets locked out? Certainly not on to make him feel unwelcome.

twingle Sat 11-Oct-08 01:26:34

We're in the US- hence writing at such an unearthly hour!

thumbwitch Sat 11-Oct-08 01:28:35

thanks twingle
surely there must be somewhere else they could go? Or, since you are all in a hospital, can't they nick a screen from somewhere and just screen off a corner of the office? After all, it shouldn't be a noisy occupation, it's not like they're having sex there, is it?!

But yes, he needs to talk to them and get them to see that he is being unfairly treated here, just because he is not lactating.

findtheriver Sat 11-Oct-08 11:44:33

Yes, they are bang out of order - they have a bf room to go to and are being disrespectful to your dh by locking him out of his office just because they can't be arsed to walk to another room. Sounds like a subtle form of bullying to me.

pointygravedogger Sat 11-Oct-08 11:55:12

Your dh needs to bring this up. He should not be locked out of his office. Just because he is a man doesn't mean he should feel defensive about this.

HRHSaintMamazon Sat 11-Oct-08 11:59:10

he is NBU.

if they have chosen to continue breastfeeding then that is THIER choice,. your Dh's work shoudl not suffer because of it.

He should strap a pair on and say quite confidently that whilst he supports them BF as he does you, his wife he is not prepared to be locked out of his own office in order to allow them to continue.
if they chose to use the office as a BFing room then they need to learn to do it with him the room.

Twims Sat 11-Oct-08 12:00:20

Agree talk to them and if it can't be resolved speak to hr.

Freckle Sat 11-Oct-08 12:09:02

If he's a doctor, won't he have seen it all before anyway??

He needs to speak to them. Insist that they either use the designated room for expressing or accept that he will be in the room if they insist on doing it in the office.

SharpMolarBear Sat 11-Oct-08 12:20:09

this is ridiculous
he can't do his job if he's outside the door plus how humiliating!
he needs to tell them this hasd to stop (or carry on with him in there)
if the expressing room is too far away then that is something they need to bring up with the relevant people
nice to know that these docs agree with ex bf tho

Blu Sat 11-Oct-08 12:25:16

I agree with sharp molar:
If the BF room is too far away to be practical for them ,they need to raise this with HR (and he could suport them in that),
he just says 'if you choose to express in our office, I would appreciate it if you did not lock me out - I'm not bovvered if you aren't'
He should approach his manager, or HR, and explain the problem - that he is locked out of his office for significant periods.

SharpMolarBear Sat 11-Oct-08 12:27:25

does he have any other problems with them?
can he get a key?

beanieb Sat 11-Oct-08 12:30:27

Could he (and they) perhaps investigate getting another nearer beastfeeding/expressing room?

solidgoldskullonastick Sat 11-Oct-08 12:35:18

They don't need to lock him out of the office to BF or express. It's not like he's going to stand there staring at their norks going 'Wahay' is it?
He should tell them that he supports their right to BF as long as they like but the locking out has to stop.

pointygravedogger Sat 11-Oct-08 13:11:26

I don't see why he should be investigating anything, beanie

cory Sat 11-Oct-08 15:11:01

Why do they lock him out? Or is it him that feels locked out? If I were him I'd tell them that expressing is fine, but they must leave him access. I expressed while sharing office with male colleague, never a problem.

Kimi Sat 11-Oct-08 15:31:18

I think he need to complain to his superior, yes they have a right to BF but if they have been provided with a place to do this and are just too lazy to walk there and it is effecting your husbands work then he must say something.
It is a workplace not a child care club.

twingle Sun 12-Oct-08 02:27:43

Thanks for the tips.. think he is going to talk to them about it Monday. Don't think he has any other issues with his colleagues- although I've met them all and they are a competitive bunch.

Yes, Cory, they literally lock the door on him and yes, Freckle, he's a doc but not that kinda doc IYKWM!- no he's not interested in ogling anything... just wants to get on with it.

gem1981 Sun 12-Oct-08 02:32:28

god how annoying for him - if it is stopping him from doing his work then he needs to raise this ASAP.

he should not be put at a disadvantage - why do they lock him out - is it because he is a man?

dilemma456 Sun 12-Oct-08 13:05:03

Message withdrawn

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 12-Oct-08 13:08:46

cant beleive you DH is being locked out of his office shock

the woman either need to BF infront of him OR go to their BF room designated for this

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