To not let dd1 stay over at Grandma's...

[SpinMeRightRound]

when they never ask dd2 to stay over?

My mum asked dd1(5 1/2yrs)if she wants to stay over tonight and she loves staying over and has done quite a few times. But dd2 has never been asked. Now I know thst she is only 3yr so is more work than dd1 but I still don't think its fair. She'll get so upset to see dd1 going when she has to stay at home.

I'm not saying that mum should have them both at the same time but I wish she'd ask dd2 to stay over at other times. It feels as though dd2 is being excluded.

so I said to mum that it wouldn't be fair as dd2 would get upset at being left on her own again but then I feel guilty for dd1's sake.

AIBU and should I let dd1 go??

[OneLieIn]

How old was DD1 when she first stayed over?

[MrsMattie]

Maybe she will ask her when she's a bit older?

Does she show favouritism in general towards your older daughter? have you spoken to your mum about this?

Think YAB a bit U. Don't saboatge your older DDs relationship with her grandma without even broaching the subject with your mum first and telling her how you feel.

[SpinMeRightRound]

dd1 was about 2yrs when she first stayed over. dd1 stayed over last month and dd2 was really upset, sat on my lap for about an hour saying that she loved grandma too!

[jellybeans]

My mum usually has mine seperately. Maybe tell your younger one that she can go age 5 and also see if Granny can take her to the park/day out instead? Mine usually settle if they know they are getting something, even if not the same.

[J2O]

tbh i can't understand why you mum can't have dd2 some nights? does she feel like she is giving dd1 some special time due to dd2 being born or am i way off track!?

[SpinMeRightRound]

I have said that dd2 gets upset and mum says she can't cope with both of them, which is fair enough. But she has never said that dd2 can stay over on her own.

I haven't noticed her show favouritism at any other time, I think that its just that dd2 is very different from dd1 and does require a lot more attention, but thats hardly her fault is it

[TheCrackFox]

Well if DD1 started staying over at 2yrs then DD2 should be staying over aswell. I think you will need to have a word with grandma about this, as it isn't fair.

My mum is like this with my 2 boys, but I try to be firm with her about it.

[J2O]

how about they do it alternatively? then you all get time to spend with them individually, equally, maybe mention you'd like to spend time on your own with dd1. Poor dd2, she can't be that much harder work can she?

[alicet]

Was about to post and say what J2O has said.

WHy not say to your mum could dd2 stay tonight instead as dd1 stayed last time and then dd1 can stay next time? Or if she has actually already asked dd1 to say fine but you would like dd2 to be invited before she asks dd1 again.

Understand her not wanting them both if she feels she can't manage but I agree it's unfair to and upsetting for dd2 if she is never asked. Maybe you need to be a bit more blunt with asking your mum on her behalf though - she might not remember that dd1 had already stayed with her by the time she was dd2's age.