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AIBU?

to not send ds to preschool this year?

19 replies

TheArmadillo · 08/10/2008 20:44

ds (4yo) went to preschool last year, he was fine when there (according to them) but screamed and shouted every morning that he didn't want to go and would have to be dragged from me when I left. Also he refused to use the toilet there (so would wet himself either there or as soon as he got in the car). he refused to join in nativity etc and said how he hated going to preschool. Over the holidays his general behaviour improved greatly and with everything else we decided not to send him back.

My mum is not happy with this and has been on at me again. She is friends with the woman who runs it and apparently they have offered to
a) keep his place open
b) provide him with one to one person for a while

My mum thinks he will have terrible problems with school if we don't send him.
Her main issues are that
a) he needs to socialise in a 'school' type environment (I don't think this is necessary and that he will be fine)

b) he should be learning to read and write as he is very bright and they will teach him that there (they do but I think he'll be fine waiting another year, he's not desperate to learn them and we do plenty of reading with him and playing and following up things he's interested in as and when)

c) he is playing me up as he wants to be with me at all times and would benefit from time away from me. (I work part time - he is with dp or gps when I am away and I don't particularly think wanted to spend time with me is a problem especially as he is not particularly clingy)

I don't particularly think he will be harmed by not going. I think plenty of children start school without going to preschool and nothing bad happens to them. I don't want ds to be put off going to school because of preschool - we have talked about going to school when he is older and he is quite excited by the idea but still doesn't want to go to preschool.

Mum keeps on that we should just try for a few days to see - I think we tried for a year adn that is enough.

I think it is his last year before school and if he wants to stay at home he should be able to.

I think he will be fine - but obv am now having doubts.

So am I doing the right thing or not?

OP posts:

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SmugColditz · 08/10/2008 20:47

He'll be fine - but would you try a different one? i took against playschool violently, and never went again (I went to mother and toddlers until i was 5.5) but my brother hated his first playschool, and settled nicely at his second.

hotbot · 08/10/2008 20:48

yes , your child your right to choose feck em....

TheArmadillo · 08/10/2008 20:50

thing is we're hoping to move in a couple of months, which would mean lots of upheaval and I don't really want to try now.

Maybe reconsidering after we have moved would be a good idea?

(Mum won't be happy unless we send him to this one though, which is close to her, but a pain to get to from ours)

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Booboobedoo · 08/10/2008 20:51

That 'Raising Boys' chap thinks that it would be hugely beneficial to boys if they were able to start school a year after girls: so when they are six.

FWIW (and my DS is only 18 months) I think you're absolutely right. Whole idea of 'getting them ready for school' is a bit daft imo. It's just making them go through it all earlier than they need to.

nooOOOoonki · 08/10/2008 20:52

your Mum is not your DS mum you are.

Read up on homeschooling, there are loads of different options, do what is right for your son not your mother

nooOOOoonki · 08/10/2008 20:53

in Poland (where my family is from) you don't got to school until you are 7

nooOOOoonki · 08/10/2008 20:53

oppps meant to add and they have a much better education system than here!

TheArmadillo · 08/10/2008 20:59

Thing is my mum is a teacher.

So while I think I'm right and that reception will be fine for getting him ready for school I have these nagging doubts that I am wrong and just like having him at home.

I never thought I'd say this but I have even though about homeschooling. Though only as a possibilty if he didn't get on at school. I think he will enjoy school if he has another year at home. His preschool is quite formal as it caters to stereotypical pushy middle class parents and I think it does too much too young for ds. I think he is growing up a lot but not quite ready for school yet, but should be in a year.

Dp would be though at home schooling. And I think as an only child, ds would benefit from the company of other children as he gets older.

I am going to keep him at home dammit!

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Booboobedoo · 08/10/2008 21:02

Good for you.

My best mate is a reception teacher, and is also halfway through a PhD in something-complicated-to-do-with-early-experience-of-education, and she'd be right with you.

TheArmadillo · 08/10/2008 21:20

thanks

I was fine with all this until she started up again.

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Bettyboobird · 08/10/2008 21:24

Sorry, I don't know if I have understood the situation correctly.

Was he due to start in Reception last month?

Will he be going straight into YR 1 in sept 2009?

TheArmadillo · 08/10/2008 21:28

no he'll start reception in sept 09 (will be nearly 5yo then).

That's a whole other kettle of fish (that was drawn into argument on grounds of 'what school' adn that we'd be applying late as are moving - which I have spoken to council we're moving to about already but arrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh).

If this wasn't all actually about her worrying about my influence on ds (she's worried I'll make him turn out like me) it'd be funny.

And we had this row back in august when we told her what we had decided.
And again in september.

But it still makes me wonder whether my descision was the right one.

But I am decided (at least until we move)

Thanks for all the posts btw.

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AbstractMouse · 08/10/2008 21:47

I would say keep him home tbh, he's only going to be this little once, and when you enter the school system it rules your life.

Dd started at a school based afternoon nursery at 3.5, then morning nursery at 4.0, we were very patchy with her attendance tbh. It's not an oversubscribed nursery so that wasn't a concern. If we couldn't be bothered, or wanted to do something else for the day, we did.

I got lots of sarky remarks regarding her attendance at parents evening saying "she has to go to school in reception, It's the law" I fully understood this and chose to enjoy our freedom while we could.

She has been in reception since September and we have taken her every day bar one when she had a rash. I'm sure the school expected us to be "problem" parents.

But we understood that her last year of nursery was the last year of freedom for both of us, It's not vitally important. Dd did a lot of phonics work in nursery and can now read, well mostly anything you put in front of her. She is still going over the basic phonics with the other children, but reception is about playing and socialising and she still enjoys that aspect.

It would have done her no harm to start fresh in reception.

Sorry for the essay lol.

exasperatedmummy · 08/10/2008 22:27

Abstract mouse, my DD is starting pre-school TOMORROW and i had the whole lecture about attendance and how i must phone in if she is not going to attend on a particular day and if i don't i will get a stern letter. Its blatantly all to do with funding as it is state funded and she has to attend five days a week. I was a bit really, considering she doesn't have to legally attend school until she is five?

My DD is going to be one of the youngest in the class when she starts school, just barely four - that makes me sad.

MrsWeasley · 08/10/2008 22:34

my DS (4th child) hated going to pre-school, he would wake and ask "is it pre-school today?" if i said it was he would say he was ill if I said it wasnt he was up happy, bouncing around the room.

He didnt seem to like anything about it although they said he was fine (he didnt actually speak to anyone which he was there and I really do mean that.) They never heard him speak to anyone except me and that was usually "mummy, dont leave me"

The outcome was I stopped sending him and he was happy. I got the same thing thrown at me about he will struggle at school etc and all I can say is that it was a load of rubbish. He stills prefers to be at home but I have never had a problem with him settling in school.

Prufrock · 08/10/2008 22:34

I'm a pre-school chair so should be biased towards them, but tbh in your case I wouldn't send him. Pre-schools should not be about academic learning at all, and your mothers opinion doesn't really matter- he's your child. What I do think might be useful is for him to go to a pre-school if there is a feeder one for the school he eventually starts reception at - it is incredibly useful for children to already know some of the children they are going to school with -this year 26 out of the 28 children in reception at ds's school had been to the pre-school on site (some only doing 2 mornings a week), and so they all settled into reception really well because it wasn't really a new or scary situation.

exasperatedmummy · 08/10/2008 22:37

I do feel that my DD is ready for playschool, i hope she is.

TheArmadillo · 09/10/2008 19:14

Thanks for all these. Have been pondering today and have decided I am definately right not to send him and dp agrees so all are happy (except my parents )

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Acinonyx · 09/10/2008 22:11

I'm not sending dd to preschool - she really struggles being left with a group and I think reception will be soon enough. How did we all survive school withough preschool

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