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AIBU?

Or are we being unreasonable? SIL and foreign wedding.

81 replies

Flossish · 07/10/2008 17:49

Have I spelt foreign right? according to the spell check yes, hmm.

Right brief history. SIL getting married and decided to go abroad. Originally planned to get married in the Carribean. We said pretty much straight off we wouldn't be going as way beyond our budget. So they then ummed and ahhed and decided on Cyprus. When asked if we would go we said yes.

However since then the cost of everything has ocviously gone up, not least the cost of our mortgage which not only comes out of the fixed rate but also becomes repayment 8 weeks before the wedding. Also we had to put a new car on the credit card as the old one was costing more to maintain than it was worth. Oh and then we had a £800 bill to fix said new car.

I also dramatically underestimated how much Cyprus actually cost, I thought it would be on a par with places like greece etc. As it is just for a B and b package holiday for us and 2 children in the resort they are marrying would have been well over 1k. i was expecting roughly half that . Perhaps I should add here that we haven't been abroad since DS was born, like most young families the most we have managed is a few days in cornwall in over 4 yrs!

We've been gently trying to tell SIL since we had to get the new car that we won't be able to afford to go. DP said something to her several weeks ago and didn't get very far. They apparently agreed they would see how things went and give a definate answer at xmas.

Anyway a couple of weeks ago we got a text saying that we needed to say by last thurs if we were going or not as final numbers were needed. I again tried to gently tell SIL that we couldn't afford not to go. DP is hoping to take himself off to a stag do a a couple of weeks after, i was saying to her about this as I didn't think it was on to go to that and not to hers and that if he did it would scupper any chance of us having any sort of family holiday next year. She again asked us to think about it and look at prices again as she thought they had come down.

A couple of days after DP got a text from her asking him if he would come to the wedding on his own. That to afford to do this he would only need to set aside £75 a month (only?!?) and that this would be affordable. I was quite hurt by this as per our conversation a few days ago she knows it would mean no holiday for our DC and myself, also having to take holiday from work to enable DP to go away without us. Not only that but it would mean less/no luxuries for us as a family for the next 6 months!

DP wasn't having any of it as he can't afford to set that aside each month and feels it is unfair on the rest of the family. He rang his father (to whom we were instructed to reply - and not the best approach I appreciate) to inform him we wouldn't be attending.

It now seems as though she is no longer talking to me. I understand she wants her brother especially to be there and yet IMO by having a foreign wedding you make a choice between a fab location and perhaps not having all the people you would like to have there. I said this to her at the time she made her decision although at the time we did genuinely believe we would be able to go, it just isn't feasible for us under current circumstances.

She is making thinly veiled bitchy comments via facebook at me and it all feels very unpleasant tbh. I appreciate we said we would go but could not anticipate last February the impact of the credit crunch or the car costs we have had.

How flamed am I going to get today then?

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cornsilk · 07/10/2008 17:51

You have made the right choice for your family. She is being a bridezilla.