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I'm not, but DD1 is, and I don;t know how to make her see sense..........argh!!!!

(49 Posts)
PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:00:38

every one of you will know all about the money situation right now, and how all of us are being affected.

we have just now tried to explain it to the girls, (the elder two, the smaller ones are all at after-school clubs). It was started by DD1 asking for a new coat, even tho she rarely wore the one we got her last year, and which she claims is now too small (it isn;t, it is still big on me, and she is smaller than me....I suspect she is just bored of it<<sigh>>).

anyway, we then started to explain that with the current money crisis, we were not going to be buying them anything between now and xmas as we actually want to be able to have idea's for xmas etc.

we also then explained that if it comes to it, they will have to think long and hard about all the dancing they do, plus the scouts etc. I am of the opinion that scouts will continue as I actually think it teaches them independence and life skills, where-as dancing really just leaches our money even tho it is great for them and they enjoy it.

DD1 then said that she would continue to pay for dancing out of her pocket money.

fine we said, but please remember that WE pay for pocket money, and if it does gete dire, of course, pocket money will therefore be affected too.

Cue massive tantrum.....

"why don;t you just RUIN my life, I mean, you just go on and on and on and on trying to upset me and now this....HUH!"

and so she strops off.

and then returns

"Just so you know, I don't CARE if we lose the house, I would rather be homeless than give up my dancing!"

and she was completely seriousangry.

she clearly just does not get it!

of course, both DH and I laughed...she was so very very angry and we saw the 2yr old that she was once, and we saw it in a comical way ((which I confess did not help muchblushwink))


on a serious note, how do we make her see how unreasonable she is being??

or do we just chalk this up to her being 14, and really, she just won;t get it anyway???

ledodgy Tue 07-Oct-08 16:02:06

Paper round maybe?

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe Tue 07-Oct-08 16:03:59

If she is 14 I would suggest if she loves dancing so much and really wants it to continue she needs to get a paper round or a saturday job. At 14 it DOES feel like the end of the world when your parents say things like this.

OrmIrian Tue 07-Oct-08 16:04:32

If it really matters that much to her, tell her you'll continue to finance the lessons as her christmas present. I know it's tough when they have to give up things the love but there it is... I'm sure she won't be the only 14yr old going without over the next yr or so. My 9yr old may well have to give up riding if things get a lot worse.

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:06:10

we have actually inquired about a paper round, but there are none available in our area, all taken up by teens quicker off the mar than we are I think.

not sure what other part-time job she could do right now either, it is so hard for anyone under 16 it seems nowadays<<sigh>>

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:07:16

ormiran, lessons are already paid for up until xmas anyway, so it was more a warning than anything else.

DH is of the opinion tho really to stop before we get to the stage of not being able to pay IYGWIM.

stealthsquiggle Tue 07-Oct-08 16:07:40

Scouts is, I would imagine, a rounding error on what you have to spend on dancing.

Is there any sort of job she could get? Babysitting, maybe?

Dancing in lieu of pocket money is a good start, I guess...

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe Tue 07-Oct-08 16:08:31

how much ae the lessons? Could grandparents/aunties etc be asked for a contribution towards next terms instead of Xmas Pressies?

Flamebat Tue 07-Oct-08 16:10:23

Don't throw things at me...

Dancing has been her life for years now, you have encouraged that.

IMO it should be the very last thing to go, meaning buffy, nails etc get crossed off the list first.


sorry blush

Flamebat Tue 07-Oct-08 16:10:54

<whispers> and wine

stleger Tue 07-Oct-08 16:10:59

My dd1 had a strop because I didn't agree to a maths tutor - mainly because I was able to do her maths homework. She is 15. I will suggest she spends he babysitting money on maths tutor!

combustiblelemon Tue 07-Oct-08 16:11:19

She's 14. Huge irrational strops are par for the course. It sounds like she would rather dance than do scouts, if a choice had to be made, and I think you should respect her decision on that. As for her earning money, what about babysitting for friends/family/neighbours.

Flamebat Tue 07-Oct-08 16:12:59

I suspect scouts only started as wanting something Psychogirl2 had

Flamebat Tue 07-Oct-08 16:13:16

Like the scout himself grin

ellie35 Tue 07-Oct-08 16:14:25

What about a Saturday job, maybe in a hairdressers or restaurant, at 14 she can work up to 5 hours on a saturday and when she turns 15 she can work 8 hours. When I was 14 and money in our family was tight I worked all day saturday on a local market store, it was hard work but I really appreciated the money I earnt. It was quite a few years ago but learnt me the value of money.

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:15:12

not really feasable to ask others to pay instead of xmas presents, the lessons are pricy, especially when you take into acount all three girls dancing, and the petrol costs getting there. at the moment we spend £160 p/m on dancing, not taking into account the uniform and shoes etc, plus costumes for shows (last show was £400shock), and then exams etc. I know for DD1 tho this is most upsetting as she is planning on going on to do performing arts on leaving school....she is a good dancer even tho I do say ((biasedwinkgrin)).

scouts on the other hand are, for all of them (all do beavers/cubs/scouts) cost us about £30 p/m, and that includes camping trips.

<<sigh>> it is just so hard trying to budget keeping their needs in mind along with our knowledge that DH, as a builder, is going to be effected quite badly possibly very soon.

kitbit Tue 07-Oct-08 16:16:52

Definitely time for a saturday job!

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:17:23

oh flame, believe me, it won;t be dancing first going, we were talking about everything.

it was her reaction that struck me!!!

I will of course be dropping nails and hair and books and wine first!!!

I am not being mean, and it is not happening with certainty yet, this was what was possible.

Flamebat Tue 07-Oct-08 16:18:14

Dancing would still have to be last though

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:18:50

kitbit, she can;t get a saturday job....we have is nigh on impossible to get one close enough to get to, for anything under 16 now. the governmant has put so much red tape in the way!

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:21:50

dancing would be isn;t certain. and we do have the added advantage of me getting money thro, and the house would wait for being done up before dancing goes.

it is not even going to be happening in the immediate future, and TBH, we were not even going to bring up dancing until she started having issues with tellng her about xmas etc!!!

and she was not happy!!!!

Overmydeadbody Tue 07-Oct-08 16:23:09

I'm not sure you can get a 14yr old to see sense!grin

But, at the end of the day you are the parent, and she can tantrum till she's blue in the fasce but if lack of money means stopping dance lessons then she'll just have to live with that.

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:23:29

oh and flame is right regarding did start over a certain scoutwink

PsychoAxeMurdererMum Tue 07-Oct-08 16:24:25

OMDB, you are right. she will never see sense while she is 14.

or 15

or possible 16hmm


Overmydeadbody Tue 07-Oct-08 16:24:54

Blimey, at that kind of cost dancing would be first to go if it was me making that decision!

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