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To take away my sons nintendo ds AND all his games for good? (and give it to his younger brother)

(64 Posts)
QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow Sun 05-Oct-08 20:49:58

This was the third time he had it "temporarily withdrawn".

The first time when the teacher confiscated it in school when he sneaked off to play in the corridor outside the headmasters office, while all the other children were on break time outside. All the staff went on "missing child alert" and searched the grounds, prepared to call the police and report him missing. The teacher had told him to put it away because it was time to go out. Instead he sneaked off. (They are allowed one hour play time in the wednesday after school club, so one hour once a week.)

After a month, he profoundly declared he was sorry, head learnt his lesson, and he got it back on trial.
Two rules:
1.If a grown up asks you to put it away, you PUT IT AWAY.
2.If your brother wants to have a go, SHARE.

Of course, it wasnt long before he broke the rule. His brother wanted a go. He did let him, but took over to "help" him. Then when I asked him to put the nintendo away as we had to get ready to go out, he said he hadnt had enough of a go because it had been his brothers turn. "Well, it seems to me you played your brothers turn so have nothing to complain about, now put it away." He didnt, he sat down in his bed, but turned the volume down so I could not hear he was playing. So, I confiscated it.

After another couple of weeks, we had a talk about it again, and I told him, he would have to promise to follow the rules, and he repeated the rules to me so I was certain he had understood.

He got it back this evening. He played for an hour, he did not share with his brother. I asked him to put the game down to come to bed. I ask him THREE times. In the end my dh too SHOUTS at him to put it down NOW. THEN he put it down.

I took the games, all his games, and told him he had forfeited all his chances of having a Nintendo by constantly breaking the rules. I gave the bag of games and nintendo to his brother. He accepted happily.

AIBU????

hecate Sun 05-Oct-08 20:53:23

nope. sounds like he's addicted! grin

He's had many chances, he needs to learn about consequences.

Any chance of him earning it back?

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow Sun 05-Oct-08 20:54:02

No. Not any more.

Blu Sun 05-Oct-08 20:55:48

How old is he?

Is it his rather than his brothers? Nintendos are very hard to 'share'.

Why was he allowed to take it to school in the first place?

I don't know.

I would only allow it ofr set periods, then take it back - and let his brother have a go outside his allocated set periods, I think. He hould have stopped when you asked him to go to bed - and maybe confiscated it fo a week when he didn't - but it does seem v harsh to give the whole thing to his brother., TBH.

Mutt Sun 05-Oct-08 20:55:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotalChaos Sun 05-Oct-08 20:56:00

YANBU to take it away. but it's asking for trouble giving it to younger brother IMO. better to put it away/dispose of it completely./

Trafficcone Sun 05-Oct-08 20:58:54

I think you're being unfair. It's up to you to stop him taking it to school as that is clearly not the place to take toys, especially valuable electronics. And sharing with siblings should be the childs choice not yours. It's not the same as 2 yr olds sharing toys at toddler group, it's HIS Ds, not his brothers so he should be allowed to choose whether or not to do that. If it was a shared gift for the 2 of them that ought to have been made clear to him earlier.
I think giving it to his brother is an incredibly cruel punishment and will lead to him resenting his poor brother..

exasperatedmummy Sun 05-Oct-08 20:59:26

Oooooh, but will you stick with it?? I think the only tinsy winsy problem is actually giving it to his brother. Yes, i would have confiscated it indefinately and told him he would not get it back, ever. Then, some time in the future when he is, a particularly lovely lad (without it being obviously to get his game back) give it back to him with very strict rules.

I just think giving it to his brother will cause problems between them. Other than that, if you can stick with this, good on ya.

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow Sun 05-Oct-08 21:03:23

It is the giving it to his brother I am concerned about. I dont know how to get out of that.

He is 6 1/2. His brother nearly 3 1/2. He is at tantrum age. It is hard to NOT share it with him. If he shares a few minutes, his brother will tire of it, and leave him alone to enjoy playing it. Sharing with his brother is more a tactic to let him get to play it himself, without me mediating and being constantly involved.

I will not give it back at Christmas. He has had enough chances.

wordgirl Sun 05-Oct-08 21:04:43

YABU. I think that's quite a mean thing to do. He must be really upset.

Mutt Sun 05-Oct-08 21:04:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nell12 Sun 05-Oct-08 21:05:04

I'm sorry, but why does he have to share a game that belongs to just him with his brother whenever his brother asks for a go?

I understand and agree completely that sharing is important, but I also know that it is incredibly hard for some children, especially when it is a favourite toy.

I have been in your situation; my ds can sit and play on his ds for hours to the exclusion of everything else; it is a toy that completely draws them in and holds their full attention. So consequently when he got too "addicted" we would only let him play on it for short periods, in our presence and he had to earn his time by behaving beforehand.

If you want to control how and where and when he plays on his ds, then you have to keep him in the room with you whenever he plays on it.

Of course he is going to hide away and play on it as much as he can; it is his favourite toy and he has not been allowed on it for ages. Of course he is going to say he learnt his lesson... how else would he get his ds back?

I think it is cruel to give the ds to his brother... you are prolonging the punishment and rubbing it in. If his brother is into ds so much, why dont you get him one for Christmas; they are fairly cheap on E-Bay.

You are not solving the problem by taking the ds and giving it to your son's younger brother; the problem is how and when he plays on it... that can be very easily controlled if he plays under supervision and you keep the ds at all other times.

forevercleaning Sun 05-Oct-08 21:05:53

dont give it to his brother, they will kill eachother!

Remove it - yes

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow Sun 05-Oct-08 21:06:03

Yes. especially as I did not warn him that I would give it to his brother if he broke the rules. I did however tell him it was his final chance, and there would be no more nintendo for him if he didnt follow the rules.

WideWebWitch Sun 05-Oct-08 21:07:05

He's too young to control the addiction that goes with these toys imo. My son couldn't, still can't and therefore we have rules about when he is and isn't allowed Ps2/Wii/Xbox. He most certainly wouldn't EVER be allowed to take it to school, it's forbidden by the school (and if it wasn't would be by me). I also don't think you can demand that he shares it and I think you should control it and hand it to him when he's allowed it which should, imo, be no more than a few hours a week.

Word Sun 05-Oct-08 21:07:06

Ooh, dangerous move giving it to his younger bro. In our house that would make DS1 detest DS2 for it and cause no end of problems.

WideWebWitch Sun 05-Oct-08 21:08:18

So I think you're expecting a bit much of him. I think giving it to his brother would be horrible and would just breed resentment. I think you need to take control of the Ds. YOU decide when he has it and how long for. But set the rules in advance. And don't expect him to police himself, he won't.

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow Sun 05-Oct-08 21:08:24

It was not thought through on my part at all. It was a spur of the moment thing.

How can I get out of giving it to his brother now, and set up a schedule of him earning it back?

How can I basically undo the damage.

Nell, you speak a lot of sense.
(You all do, btw)

Word Sun 05-Oct-08 21:08:48

My 7 yo DS has one, but it lives in MY room and I say when he can play it. Otherwise he'd never put it down! I have one too, which DS2 borrows - and we have games that they can play together via downloading. That seems to work well.

Mutt Sun 05-Oct-08 21:08:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SharkyandGeorge Sun 05-Oct-08 21:09:36

Confiscating is ok, not sure giving it to his brother was a great idea though.

WideWebWitch Sun 05-Oct-08 21:10:14

So you can say sometihng like "right, you are allowed it on Mon/Wed/Sat but ONLY after you've had a bath/supper/chores/whatever. And then say it's for half an hour (or whatever) and when the pinger goes off that's it, time's up. He will be pleased to have some concrete rules around it I reckon (he may display this as being extremely pissed off with you mind you!). And his brother is far too young for it imo.

ChippyMinton Sun 05-Oct-08 21:11:05

Don't understand why you would give a 3yo a DS?
And why you expect a 6yo to share his DS with a 3yo?
YABU
Set some rules and stick to them. Keep the DS and hand it out when appropriate.

WideWebWitch Sun 05-Oct-08 21:11:24

Admit to being wrong. Say, "sorry, I was wrong to suggest you give it to your brother. It's your toy. But we need some rules and so we are going to have some. This is what they are: xxxxxx". And STICK to it.

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow Sun 05-Oct-08 21:11:51

Mutt, clearly it is not difficult to you. It is to me.

He knew it was bedtime, I had told him he could only play a few minutes more.
I asked him to put it away and come get his hair dried before bed. He says no. I say, NOW. He doesnt come. I call for him.

Should I just have ripped it out of his hands?

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