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to be pissed off with my friend?

(16 Posts)
tigger32 Sun 05-Oct-08 20:15:18

Ok this maybe quite long...
I have friend who I met when we 3 years old at playgroup, we are not really close but email/text/phone about once a month. A couple of years ago she moved about 200miles away so we only usually meet up once a year.
Last year around the time of my los birthdays she emailed to say she had posted gifts to the children, they never arrived so I emailed back, she said she would look into it but nothing ever appeared so I left it.
This year she sent cards and cheques 2 months before their birthdays! I kept them back until the day, then banked them.
However yesterday the cheques arrived back from the bank as they had bounced shock.
I feel really pissed off that the los have missed out again!
I always send something nice to her 3 children and she is always bragging about all the money they have now she has her own business.
Am I right to feel pissed off or am I over reacting?
should I mention the bounced cheques or just leave it?

AbbaFan Sun 05-Oct-08 20:18:17

I am right in thinking you get charged for bounced cheques? If so, she will find out anyway.

I can see why your fed up, but it may just be a general mistake.

twinsplus1 Sun 05-Oct-08 20:18:18

She probably had the money in her account 2 months ago but not now. Represent the cheques in a month or so and they may just clear. You can't really mention it to her but she will know because her bank will charge her for each bounced cheque.

avenanap Sun 05-Oct-08 20:18:37

She probably had the money in the bank when she sent you the cheques. I would give her a call, it sounds like she might need a friend as she'll be having money problems if these cheques have bounced. I can't imagine them being for a big amount.

Dandelioness Sun 05-Oct-08 20:20:54

Hmm, tricky one. Maybe she intended you to cash the cheques at the time she sent them (when she had sufficient funds) and not hold onto them for 2 months (when she didn't have the money anymore)?

Have you thanked her for the cheques or were you waiting until you'd cashed them?

anniemac Sun 05-Oct-08 20:21:20

Message withdrawn

tigger32 Sun 05-Oct-08 20:23:24

Maybe i'll email and ask if all is ok, I don't want to embarrass her. hmm maybe I am being unreasonable blush

DesperateHousewifeToo Sun 05-Oct-08 20:23:32

That happened to me once. I didn't mention it but part of me still thinks I should have.

You could call and if she asks whether you received the checks, say you couldn't decide whther you should mention it but they bounced, blah, blah.

There are friends who I used to exchange gifts with but we usually wane after a few years and then agree to not send presents anymore. Much easier, and cheaper!

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 05-Oct-08 20:24:37

Just talk to her FFS. Not sure why people get so upset/angry/annoyed/pissed off at people without even talking to them!

Did you phone her when they arrived to say thanks? Would have been a good time to say to her, I will bank them at their birthday so I dont spend it first, or something similar, then she would know when the money would be coming out.

I hate it when people hang on to cheques I send.

tigger32 Sun 05-Oct-08 20:26:20

I didn't bank them at the time as the Los didn't open the cards until their birthdays, she put them into a big envelope with a note saying cheques were inside the cards. The los sent a thank you note to her after their birthdays but before they bounced.

DesperateHousewifeToo Sun 05-Oct-08 20:26:34

Of course, she might have cancelled them thinking you hadn't received them.

But that would be very organised!

tigger32 Sun 05-Oct-08 20:28:28

Also the dates on the cheques were the dates of their birthdays so couldn't have banked them early

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sun 05-Oct-08 20:28:45

Just call her and tell her they bounced and would she like for you to re-present them at the bank or wait until a date of her choosing/not at all?

If she is struggling financially, you might be able to support her by telling her not to worry at all, thought that counts, thanks for the cards etc.

it is not all about money and people often brag things are going well when they don't want to lose face if things are hard.

tigger32 Sun 05-Oct-08 20:48:13

Have just texted her and asked how they all were, she has replied saying sorry about the cheques, and told me to present them again. I didn't mention them so I guess she must have been charged. I have replied back saying I can hold off or leave them, no reply back yet. Feel really bad, glad I posted on here and you all made me see sense, thanks

DesperateHousewifeToo Sun 05-Oct-08 21:00:02

Well done.

I often deliberate about something and I'm then surprised at how easily it is resolvedgrin

Dandelioness Sun 05-Oct-08 21:47:07

Glad it's been got out in the open btw you two without too much awkwardness. Agree with DesperateHousewife!

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