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to "tell off" a woman who spoke harshly to dd?

(136 Posts)
canofworms Sat 04-Oct-08 23:08:53

We were in a coffee shop today and dd had her chair with the back against another table.

I hadn't noticed but she kept pushing her feet against the table and knocking her chair into this woman's table.

The 3rd blush time she did it the woman became irate (as you would) but put her hand in dd's face and told her in a rather loud/irritated/nasty voice to stop doing it as she couldn't concentrate reading her paper and pointed out it was the 3rd time she'd done it.

My dh was sat next to her and apologised and said he'd told her off for doing it as well.

But I was so irritated that she was so horrible to a young child that on the way out I put my face in hers and said if she had an issue with a young child to either raise it with the parents instead or be a bit nicer about it. She was pretty shitty back but I ignored her and walked out.

Now dd was in the wrong and annoying but surely that's for us to sort out, no to scare her so much?!

littlelapin Sat 04-Oct-08 23:11:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saint2shoes Sat 04-Oct-08 23:11:32

sh should have asked you to deal with it imo

Spaceman Sat 04-Oct-08 23:11:57

YANBU. You have a right to be protective and the woman should've turned to you.

littlelapin Sat 04-Oct-08 23:12:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canofworms Sat 04-Oct-08 23:13:28

Oh, sorry I hadn't noticed other posts blush

I don't dispute dd was irritating but she was so horrible I would have felt sad

canofworms Sat 04-Oct-08 23:14:03

LL- I waited until dd had left the shop to speak to her

Quattrocento Sat 04-Oct-08 23:14:53

YABVU - you should just take the shame in these situations - apologise, offer to buy her a new coffee or something and move on.

GobbledigookisThrifty Sat 04-Oct-08 23:15:47

Personally if I was there I'd expect the lady to speak to me and if she had spoken to my child in such a way I'd have had words as well.

littlelapin Sat 04-Oct-08 23:16:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlelapin Sat 04-Oct-08 23:16:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam Sat 04-Oct-08 23:19:32

I object to this 'no-one can ever possibly tell off a child unless they gave birth to it or provided the sperm'. The fastest way to raise badly-behaved children IMO.

However, the rights and wrongs of canofworms' story depends entirely on the age of the dd and the manner in which the other customer did the telling off.

But canofworms was wrong to 'put my face in hers'. VERY aggressive and an extremely bad example.

canofworms Sat 04-Oct-08 23:21:31

DD's 7 and really quite well-behaved. I think she was bored because she was sat there and didn't want a drink/snack.

Dh was "amused" because the lady was sat there with just a newspaper and no coffee whereas we'd spent a fortune on our coffees and buns. I think he felt we had more right to be there than she had but I don't know as I agree.

kormAaaarrrggghhhchameleon Sat 04-Oct-08 23:21:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canofworms Sat 04-Oct-08 23:23:44

When I described "put my face in hers" I suppose that's a bit strong. I leaned over her table so I wasn't making too much of a scene and asked her to be polite when talking to a child. As I said before, I waited until all my dc were in front of me so they didn't see me retaliate.

littlelapin Sat 04-Oct-08 23:25:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quattrocento Sat 04-Oct-08 23:25:11

See I think that there are four bad behaviours here

1. Bad behaviour from child
2. Bad behaviour from parent for not stopping the child
3. Bad behaviour from adult in response
4. Bad behaviour from parent in responding aggressively

Ramping up the aggro surely wasn't the way to resolve the situation? You had it in your power to make that all end on a positive note.

People don't actually like telling off other people's children, they tend only to do it when they are exasperated beyond belief

littlelapin Sat 04-Oct-08 23:25:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotAnOtter Sat 04-Oct-08 23:25:50

yes- agree edam

my job is to make my kids loved by the world not to make them love me iykwim

i always say to my friends if they have my dcs round ' feel free to discipline with my blessing'

if the woman was 'aggressive' then it is possible would have pulled her up on how he could have addressed the issue more pleasantly but otherwise yabu

Spaceman Sat 04-Oct-08 23:26:03

DD was ONLY kicking a chair for heavens sake. Only three times! I don't think that is very naughty to be honest and doesn't deserve some precious old bag going off on one. If I was irritated by some child I'd make a big joke of it and say 'is it my turn to kick the back of your chair yet?' and laugh so that I was making a point without being totally anal about it.

ivykaty44 Sat 04-Oct-08 23:27:02

You didn't sort it out though - three times is enough.

To make matters worse your dh had told your dc and your dc had ignored her father.

If your dc had done as she was told it never would have happened in the first place.

slayerette Sat 04-Oct-08 23:27:59

If your DD had been younger I might have been more inclined to say YANBU - little ones fidget all the time and it's not always easy to get them to sit quietly in a cafe. But at 7, I think the woman was not unreasonable in asking her directly to stop - but if she was nasty/aggressive, that's another matter.

canofworms Sat 04-Oct-08 23:28:44

I have to say, if dh tells the dc off, we know about it!! So I am surprised that I hadn't noticed what she was doing.

We are far from lenient parents and would not consider this behaviour appropriate and she wouldn't have got away with it if she'd been as annoying as this woman suggested.

Anyway, hopefully it won't happen again because as I said, dd is usually very well behaved and we would deal with stuff like this straight away.

i was just a bit taken aback with how harsh she was

pooka Sat 04-Oct-08 23:29:15

Yes, but not everyone is good at knowing how to deal with children interfering with their quiet enjoyment of their coffee. It must have been annoying, and perhaps she felt that the parents knew their dd was doing it, but weren't intervening.

Tortington Sat 04-Oct-08 23:30:41

isn't everyone v. rude these days.

the kid should have known better at 7 tbh and with two parents there - i fail to see how she couldn't be parented.

the lady was rude

and the op was rude
bloody rude people.

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