Just to explain I am a regular on here but have namechanged for this one due to it being quite personal.
I'll start from the beginning...
When I was 3 my mum and dad split up as he was having an affair with a 15YO girl, my parents were both 19, he never bothered to come and see me after that my first proper memory is standing outside on the front step of our garden waiting for him to come and take me to the safari park which never happened. Anyway when I was 5 my mum started seeing another man who I met after 6 months and after about a year I asked him if I could call him Dad and he said yes. After that we had a normal father/daughter relationship he used to tell me he forgot I wasnt his daughter and blood had nothing to do with it and all that kind of stuff, I loved him to bits I idolised him and my mum, couldnt have wished for better parents.
After about 3 years my brother was born life was fab the following year my mum and 'dad' got married I was made up we were a proper family now!!! I was 9/10.
My name was changed when I was younger so all that was sorted. So things carried on they were wonderful, then when I was 14 he got a job working away in england (we live in scotland)he came back every 2 weeks I took it really abd that he wasnt there I started turning on my mum being a problem child etc, when he came back one time I saw my dad taking cocaine through the bathroom window, I was devastated I couldn't tell my mum but I confided in my aunt who told her and my mum found the proof so they tried to work that out then we found out he was living with another woman and her child down there the visits became less they split up he told me Id always be his daughter and that was that. Two months later in 2002 he vanished no one knew where he was, my mum reported him missing no sign anywhere, my mum moved home and remarried etc a few years later.
Then last year I was 20 and my brother was 12 he appeared my borther and I were just pleased to see him after all hed done we didnt care obviously my mum was not but they worked through that for us. He stayed in contact for about 3 months then decided he couldnt be arsed anymore. So again my brother was left devastated and we were picking up the pieces poor kid he's so insecure because of him it's alot for him to deal with he was 7 when he left had to see a psychologist because he thought my mum and I were going to abandon him like his dad did. .
Anyway last month again a phone call he wants to see my brother again he says yes nothing we can do about it. He says he's remarried to a girl the same age as me but we all just said thats fine youve moved on good.
Last night I got a phone call from him, he doesn't want me to call him dad, I've got nothing to do with him so stop telling people he has and my brother is his blood and thats what hes interested in Im and adult I don't need a 'dad' he was only there for me because he was married to my mum and now he doesn't ahve to treat me like his own etc.
I cant even remember the rest but I felt so gutted still do he was there from when I was 6 until I was 16 what the hell does he expect me to say he was my dad and my world for 10 years until he left and now Im nothing, god the tears are coming as Im writing this now.
I feel like my whole childhood was a lie now I feel such an idiot. He even asked why the hell Im still using his name as its weird that I still think of him as my dad. It has honestly tore me apart I know hes been a complete dickhead but he is my dad as far as I was concerned my mum was shocked too. AIBU to think of him as my dad or is he right in that a step parent only needs to bother whilst they are married to that childs parent? I was so close to him growing up I dont think thats right,
Anyway please be honest thank you and sorry for rambling.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To call my dad, my dad? :( Quite long story.
26 replies
damselindistress · 02/10/2008 22:24
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.