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I know I am but I'm going to do it anyway!

(441 Posts)
mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 13:33:22

DD2 is now 6mths, has been bf on demand mostly and is fully weaned on 3 meals with desserts, juice from a cup and the occasional snack. She is still demanding night feeds which I feel she shouldn't need if she took good feeds at 10 and 230. Instead she faffs with these and wants milk during the night. I have now decided to quit breast feeding as she will not take bottles- so it is all bottles or none iyswim. I hope that being able to see how much she takes during the day and a gentle prod to take more will reduce night feeding. I have dusted off the GF book which I used with dd1 (and who has only had a handful of disturbed nights since 3mths!) in the hope that the routine will get me some modicum of sleep. I am knackered.

I know it is unreasonable to give up bf for the sake of my sleep, however, dd1 is constantly tired (2.9mths) and is behaving awfully because of it. The baby disturbs her sleep every night sad

I just needed to vent blush sorry! Grrr to all those people who say babies get their own pattern and start sleeping eventually- I can't wait til 'eventually' happens!

PathofLeastResistance Thu 02-Oct-08 13:36:23

Did GF not work this time round?

What happens if you don't feed her at night? Does she just not go back to sleep?

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 13:44:02

Thats the point- I didn't do GF, everyone said it was too harsh, so I thought I would try the more laid back approach. I now have a very demanding baby at night sad It is far harder this time round because dd1 is a light sleeper.
DD2 does go back to sleep if I feed her but she has a dreamfeed at 2230 and still wakes through habit at 2 and 4. sad She is above the top centile so clearly doesn't need all this milk.

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 13:46:12

No, without feeding she will scream for an hour or more which disturbs dd1 (although bless her she never gets up, just comes downstairs in the morning with bags under her eyes saying MTIE2 woke me up.)sad

PathofLeastResistance Thu 02-Oct-08 13:50:56

I can relate to that nightmare of having an older child. I now have dd1 (3.5) dd2 (17months) and ds1 8 weeks. I do not have a problem being up with ds1 (obviously) or dd1 as she can explain the problem. It's when dd2 gets woken by ds1 that the shit really hits the fan. Have had many more problems getting her back to sleep than the others. All GF babies btw (well an adapted version of as they all v sleepy at first).

From a logical perspective the only advice I could think of would be to go cold turkey on her at night. Clearly this might be madness if she goes ballistic and wakes everyone up. Personally I would try not feeding her at night but doing everything else to help her get back to sleep e.g. rocking, singing and co-sleeping.

Is that a crazy suggestion?

rayjay Thu 02-Oct-08 13:54:16

IMO what is best for baby can be a number of things. Breastfeeding is good, we all know that, but you have done a great job feeding her for 6 months :hug: It may now be that 'best for baby' is getting a good nights sleep, not only for her but also for her big sister and mummy.

She is obviously thriving, so please don't beat yourself up over it.

HonoriaGlossop Thu 02-Oct-08 13:59:00

Well I certainly won't judge you for being utterly exhausted by night wakings for six months with two young kids to look after!

Has your DP/DH gone in to her at night? It may help to knock the night wakings on the head, if she knows it is only dad she will get and no milk - she might not bother!

I won't patronise you by asking if you've thought of co-sleeping to make the night time BF easier; I'm sure you've been there/done that/thought about it etc.

If you're convinced you've tried everything and you're happy to give up for the sake of your health and your older DDs then don't agonise - have the courage of your convictions!

nondomesticgoddess Thu 02-Oct-08 14:01:55

My dd was a gf baby and started sleeping very well at night. It went downhill around 3 months where she woke up wanting to be fed at night. It started with a quick 5 minute bf but by 7 months she would 'feed' for up to an hour and would only settle in her cot if she was asleep on me first (yet settled beautifully on her own for naps and at 7) and then carefully transferred.
It got ridiculous - she was 98th centile, eating loads in the day and clearly had got into a bad habit.
I started sending my dh in to her (if I went in she rooted for milk - no such option with daddy. He'd cuddle her and put her back to bed, she'd settle for a few mins then cry again. he'd go back about 2 more times and then we'd leave her. First night she cried solidly for 25mins. Second night 10 mins and went through the third night.
She also refused bottles and at 7.5 months (and 3 biting incidents) we went cold turkey on bf and she was offered bottles only. Accepted them fine immediately (almost as if she knew it was her only option).
Sorry for long reply - hope there's something that helps.
Good luck!

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 14:03:31

Thanks both of you for your kind posts. I am really proud to have bf for 6mths as I only managed 6wks with dd1, hence my perhaps wrong perception that dd2 will start sleeping better on bottles as she won't have me for comfort in the night.

I think once I have got her established on ff fully we will do cc at night. My friend has offered to have dd1 over nights for 1 wk while we try to sort it. Another friend has offered to have the baby overnight for a weekend and will be strict on no night feeding (CM for 20yrs!), so hopefully we will crack it. Its just a shame dd1 is a light sleeper because I do have the bottle to let her cry. Unfortunately because she wakes dd1 up I then end up going in to her which has reinforced the 'if I cry long enough I get attention' iyswim.

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 14:05:15

NDG you are me!!LOLsmile My dd2 also slept better up to 3mths!

SpandexIsMyEnemy Thu 02-Oct-08 14:07:45


think I know who you are.

all babies are different - as you know with my DS!

the fact one's been BF and one FF tbh I don't buy into but can understand why you do iycwim. i'm assuming you've tried the usual tireing her out etc etc.

how about offering her water when she wakes or DH offering her it instead of the boob?

SpandexIsMyEnemy Thu 02-Oct-08 14:09:13

failing that there's the old faithful - DH being off of work - am assuming youa re still, so over a week of no sleep with both girls going cold turkey with it all.

LadySanders Thu 02-Oct-08 14:12:59

i sympathise. ds2 is 7 months. also b/f and won't take bottles. has been waking 2/3 hourly for feeds since 3 months old.

HOWEVER, at weekend i went out for first time and he went to bed at 7pm with no milk as he refused ebm from cup. he woke at 11pm when i got in and had a feed. then slept til 4am. unheard of!

so last couple of nights i bit the bullet and decided no night feeds. tuesday night i had to stand in his room singing and cuddling him back to sleep for 3 hours or so with him crying which was not fun, but last night he woke twice and only took 15 mins of singing/cuddling to get him back to sleep. he then didn't wake til 4.30am both times. am hoping over next few days we might just crack it so that he goes back to sleep wtihin a few mins or doesn't wake at all...

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 14:58:21

Spandex are your initials LM was N?

SpandexIsMyEnemy Thu 02-Oct-08 15:08:13

yep - and you would know the lady at the end of my old street/ your husband be C?

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 15:16:23

Yep!grin E has gone back to wetting herself, partly jealousy and partly tired and not concentrating- ?daydreaming iyswim.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Thu 02-Oct-08 15:22:26

ah not so good. but it will come back again - still to train the boy (he's got it when he's in the nudy but not when pants go on him!)

all I can say is you'll get there - as you knwo! it's swings n round about with things (but then i've always been the one who's been up half the night with the boy thru not sleeping! )

if you think DD2 is habit thou try the water - i'm a firm beliver thou if they wake and you knwo they don't need the milk it's prob habit as such if they want a drink water will suffice iycwim.

but it's up to you, and DD2 is still young.

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 15:25:44

I agree about the water. I think if it doesn't get cracked soon and it goes on once she is in a bed- thats a nightmare! grin

SpandexIsMyEnemy Thu 02-Oct-08 15:27:27

besides which if it's only water well - that's boring, mums boob now that's nice and comfy - might help her to go around?

alternative to have her co-sleeping with u, but I know you wouldn't like that??!

AbbeyA Thu 02-Oct-08 15:41:03

I waited a bit longer, but by 9 months if they wanted anything at night it was water. I made nights very boring. Went in-no lights, quick stroke- sip of water and back to sleep. My DH gets up at the crack of dawn. We all need the sleep-DSs didn't need the milk-quick reassurance was all they needed.

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 16:38:06

No I definately don't want to co-sleep!LOL you know me so well, that would be trading one bad habit for another!grin

mytetherisending Thu 02-Oct-08 16:39:45

Abby I would have waited longer but my dd2 is 22lbs at 6mths, so hardly wasting away!!smile Thats how I know she doesn't need night feeds LOL

solo Thu 02-Oct-08 16:42:48

What's GF?

AbbeyA Thu 02-Oct-08 17:33:01

I put that mytetherisending so that I didn't get shouted at by all the demand bfeeding people. They have got cross in the past because I would only give a 3 yr old water in the night! I was playing safe! I think 6 mths is fine for water but I think mine were slightly older. I wasn't into co sleeping-DH needed his sleep(not to mention me). I am afraid my DSs just had to fit into what suited everyone- and enough sleep came first.

PathofLeastResistance Thu 02-Oct-08 17:55:12

We co-sleep for an hour or two as an when needed just to reassure dd2. Never formed habits and only done when needed.

GF is Gina Ford.

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