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dh thinks I am but I don't. can I have some help please?!

(40 Posts)
whoops Wed 01-Oct-08 13:45:06

Dh gets an allowance from his employer towards the broadband because he is expected to work from home in the evenings 1 week in 3.
I pay the broadband/phone bill so feel this payment should come to me
Dh won't pay it to me as he says it is part of his income therefore his. I feel this isn't right as it is a contribution towards something I pay for.
His other arguement is that his income is lower - I have 2 jobs and get the child benefit which gives me a slightly higher income
But I still feel the contribution should come to me - AIBU?

ComeOVeneer Wed 01-Oct-08 13:46:19

Your income, his income. Surely as a married couple you have joint income/expenditure.

Mutt Wed 01-Oct-08 13:48:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cyanarasamba Wed 01-Oct-08 13:48:24

Crikey. I think many married couples would "pool" their income and expenses a little more than this. Although I would probably need to know a little more about the rest of your financial arrangements before making a judgment.

Do you have seperate milk with your names on it in the fridge?

whoops Wed 01-Oct-08 13:48:41

you would think but he has this big thing that I pay for certain things and he pays for things and that is what we stick to if I borrow money from him he goes on and on until he gets it back

LuLuMacGloo Wed 01-Oct-08 13:48:46

Sorry but I can't get my head around segregating household finances like this at all so the whole thing sounds completely unreasonable to me. To split things up like this into 'mine' and 'his' makes it sound like a household of flatmates rather than a partnership.

QuintessentialShadows Wed 01-Oct-08 13:48:52

Does it matter?

In the total scheme of things you both work, you both contribute and at the end of the day any superflous money benefit the entire family?

I pay all the bills and the mortgage in our family, dh keeps his salary pretty much for himself to spend as he pleases. I dont care as long as we both get to have some "leisure" expenses and I dont ONLY get to pay bills. grin

So, YABU

If you feel really strongly about it, disconnect the broadband and ask him to get one for himself.

SunDanceKid Wed 01-Oct-08 13:49:00

Sounds like a remarkbable petty arrangement of finances. Time to share methinks.

mumblechum Wed 01-Oct-08 13:49:15

I can see why it's pissing you off, but tbh I'd be inclined to pick your battles. In the grand scheme of things, presumably it's not a huge amount of money.

TheCrackFox Wed 01-Oct-08 13:49:19

I never understand how a relationship can work like this. All goes into one big pot.

angrypixie Wed 01-Oct-08 13:49:30

Hmmmm - jury's out on this one. I can't imagine arguing about money with my DH. We may not always have very much but what we do have is shared. Not very helpful I know..... sorry

HonoriaGlossop Wed 01-Oct-08 13:50:39

That sounds like a miserable existence to me, borrowing from each other and moaning till you get it back.

Stick it all in the pot, then divvy up any extra for spending money for you both once bills are paid.

Agree with mutt. What's the point of being married if it's not you two as a team facing the world?

Mutt Wed 01-Oct-08 13:50:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunDanceKid Wed 01-Oct-08 13:50:47

borrow money from your husband?? sorry bizarro.

I think you are a family, money comes in and money goes out. Bills/clothes/food/living! all stuff that you sign up for together.

Dropdeadfred Wed 01-Oct-08 13:51:08

it surely must be a tiny tiny amount?

cupsoftea Wed 01-Oct-08 13:51:37

could he pay the broadband bill?

whoops Wed 01-Oct-08 13:51:39

I think his problem is that I have too many debts from before we met so he doesn't want to be paying them
I have no Idea what goes on in his head sometimes but I do socialise and spend more (usually on the kids) so he doesn't want to think he is paying for any of that I guess

becks5109 Wed 01-Oct-08 13:54:12

I can see where you're coming from whoops - we have unusual money arrangements in our house! I think it should go to you. I can see what others are saying about placing everything in a pot and splitting it out but we don't do that as my husband is alot more frivolous than me and if we did that we would never have any savings or emergency money!

Mutt Wed 01-Oct-08 13:56:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Libra1975 Wed 01-Oct-08 13:56:48

Leaving aside your bizarre financial arrangements with DH I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, if it was a payment for working then yes it would be his money but it's a payment for broadband itself. My DH and I have a joint account for bills, the child benefit goes into the joint account as all child bills are paid for by joint account. Is there anyway you could get a joint account for bills?

Simplysally Wed 01-Oct-08 13:57:07

Are they your husband's children? Why wouldn't he want to pay for them if they are? (or even if they are not).

I'd suggest you have an account for bills only, each pay a certain amount in each month to cover stuff, put the broadband allowance in there and whatever is left in the account at the end of the month can be rolled over against future expenses. You can then each have a current account to do whatever you want with with y our own money. You could even set up an account for the child benefit in case he feels you are benefitting from it unfairly hmm.

HonoriaGlossop Wed 01-Oct-08 13:58:46

Why doesn't he want to think he might be paying for spending on the kids? hmm

I realise everyone is different - I would have happily taken on debts DH had to pay when we got married, and he would for me too I'm sure. It's part of the package to me but I accept people have different views.

But if it comes down to squabbling over who gets an extra bit or not, it's obviously not working IMO.

cupsoftea Wed 01-Oct-08 13:59:19

He's complaining you have debts from before he knew you yet he expects you to pay his expenses which are paid back by his work!! This is really unreasonable and double standards from him.

threetinytots Wed 01-Oct-08 13:59:23

All in one pot, all out of one pot. You are a family so surely what you both earn should be for all of you? If you segregate finances so much who ends up paying for the family food bill? Or electric? Or clothes/expenses for the dc's?

I think I'd get him to pay the broadband bill. If he doesn't want to then cancel it. If he needs broadband for work and gets paid for it then he can take it over.

BecauseImWorthIt Wed 01-Oct-08 14:02:07

In which case, it's your broadband and he doesn't get to use it.

He can then keep his broadband money and either explain why he isn't working from home, or arrange his own.

What a silly way to run a household!

I can understand that you have your own, personal incomes and outgoings, as well as debts, but you share a home, and therefore the responsibilities for this should be joint.

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