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To wonder why I do the lion's share in the morning?

(35 Posts)
theSuburbanDryad Tue 30-Sep-08 08:13:49

Dh and I both work - he works full time and i work 3 days a week. To give you a typical example of a morning in our house, we wake up all together, he goes downstairs and makes tea (for him) while I get attacked with a book by ds. Me and ds get downstairs, dh gets into the shower. I get ds and me breakfast while he has a shower "to wake himself up". When he gets out of the shower I ask if there's time for me to have a shower before he has to leave for work. No, apparently there isn't. hmm

So, I don't get to have a shower (I'll have to have one tonight but I hate going to work with unwashed hair) and I still have to get myself and ds dressed and get him to nursery.

Yes, I know dh has to leave earlier than me as he has a long commute, but I don't see why I have to do all the work in the morning!

pooka Tue 30-Sep-08 08:18:39

I don't either!

YANBU.

Why don't you just role reverse first thing. He can read with your ds and get him dressed at the same time while you have a shower and get ready. Then he can have a shower and get dressed and go. Or have a cup of tea if he thinks he has time.

Ashantai Tue 30-Sep-08 08:22:45

Ah you see you should have trained him betterwink

My OH gets up earlier than me, around 6.30, and jumps in the shower after waking the kids. They then wander downstairs and one of the elder 2 makes my 5yr old some cereal.

OH gets outta the shower, gets dressed and goes to make the school lunches, then he goes off to work.

I then decide its time for me to get outta bed around 7.30. Lots of time to jump in the shower and give my daughter a kiss at 8 just before she goes to school.

Then there's around 45 mins before i have to take the younger ones to primary school, which is why i am on here right nowgrin

Can you tell i am not a morning persongrin

theSuburbanDryad Tue 30-Sep-08 08:26:08

Pooka - if he stayed in bed with ds he'd just stay asleep while ds came downstairs and annoyed me.

To be completely fair, on Fridays (when he works from home) he gets ds sorted and takes him to nursery while I stay in bed and then get to have a leisurely shower and go to work. But then he's not in a rush either. So on the days when we're both in a rush I do all the work!

pooka Tue 30-Sep-08 08:26:47

DH also gets up before the children. Gets dressed and shaves. We both have showers the night before. Put clothes out etc.

HE then gets the children breakfasted and eats with them and makes tea/coffee. Then I get up and we get the children dressed. Then he goes to work.

We are lucky in that he doesn't really have to leave for work until about 7.50 if he's going to be on time (isn't often).

Then I have half an hour to scoot round before I take dd to school.

pooka Tue 30-Sep-08 08:27:54

I don't know quite how our system evolved. Truth is that I am pretty awful morning person whereas he is less so - doesn't like staying in bed. So a bit of a fluke really.

sweetgrapes Tue 30-Sep-08 08:32:11

YANBU.

Dh does this bigtime. I am sahm but still get mad at him. He thinks because he's commuting and need to get to work on time he's the priority in the morning.

Well, hello, I have to get myself ready, 2 kids ready, get everyone breakfats, clear up, and get to school on time.

All he does is take 1 hr to get just himself ready!!!

I have started telling him in the evening - at such and such a time I am going to shower. In the morning, I go (before him) and when dd comes knocking on the door - send her off to him. If he grumbles - I tell him I warned you last night. If you didn't pay attention, it not my fault.

After a few days it'll settle down.

Ashantai Tue 30-Sep-08 08:32:35

Yeah its a touch when you have an OH who doesnt like to stay in bed. Frankly i could stay in bed all day, whooo!grin

tortoiseshell Tue 30-Sep-08 08:47:11

Mornings are difficult in all houses I think. Our mornings are a bit like this;

Dh wakes up first, gets up. I have NO IDEA what he then does for 20 mins or so.

I get up, wake the kids up, make sure they get dressed, come downstairs for breakfast etc. THey get their own breakfasts while I make packed lunches. Dh will make a cup of tea for us both, then have his breakfast.

I then get bookbags ready, instruments, any letters that need replying to, any homework the kids still haven't done. Dh has a shower.

He takes the children to school which is a HUGE help, I can then think about getting myself ready - shower etc.

So it's not too unfair - except that he believes he does everything in the morning!?!

SpinMeRightRound Tue 30-Sep-08 09:02:25

I am pretty annoyed with dh atm about this as well.

I get up every morning first including weekends, get breakfast, get kids washed, dressed, hair done etc. Make sandwichs for kids & dh, clear away breakfast things, get coats on, book bags & lunch bags ready.
While dh gets up at ten past eight, strolls into the shower for 20mins, comes down, has a cup of tea before we go.

To top it off today, he promised to do some ironing for me last night but I came down this morning to the ironing basket untouched...I was fuming!

arfishy Tue 30-Sep-08 09:05:06

Ah yes. They need training. DP is still a work in progress but after 5 years he now gets up at 6am, spends an hour hogging the bathroom, and then makes DD's school sandwiches. He might also, just possibly make her breakfast.

He then leaves at 7am and I do everything else, including be up at 7am ("a lie-in").

I get myself ready, DD ready, do the school run and then work. Handle the childcare, the homework, the school forms, the violin practice, the swimming etc etc etc etc.

He will now (we are talking 6 years) will get up one day at the weekend. But then he lets DD come in and harass me repeatedly so I still get up by 6.30am and he can go back to bed.

Actually. I think I need to do more training.

<sucks lemon and assumes aggressive stance to ambush a bewildered DP when he gets in>

jelliebelly Tue 30-Sep-08 09:12:45

How much earlier than you does dh have to leave the house? It sounds like I have it easy tbh - I get up and 6.00am, get showered, have breakfast and leave for work at 6.40am when dh gets ds (3) up, dressed etc and drops and nursery before he goes to work himself - so he does everything in the morning. I collect ds from nursery in the evening and do the whole bath/bed/story routine so I guess I do everything in the evening. On balance therefore split 50/50 - is this something that might work for you? -

daisydora Tue 30-Sep-08 09:30:16

YANBU!!

Haves similar issue with DH

I get up at 6.15, get showered dressed get DD up & dressed.

DH gets up, gets showered while I am with DD. I go downstairs get breakfast sorted for all. Then leave at 7.10, to drop DD at my parents before I catch train to work (my DP's take her to nursery)

7.30ish DH goes to work.

Difference is he could get DD to nursery & get to work in time, but won't he has to get a paper on the way in hmm. I'm often exhausted before I even get to work. To top it all all DH said this morning that he works full time so its not like I do it everyday....I am almost 31 wks pg also angry

He has just rung to say he will try & do more.....think I've heard thatone before

madness Tue 30-Sep-08 09:39:35

but you see,when dh sips his hot coffee, he can't possibly do anything else!!!

AbbaFan Tue 30-Sep-08 09:49:02

Our house:

Me - Get up and do EVERYTHING

DH - Lie in bed until the last minute (8.10am), get up, shower, dress come downstairs and pick up lunch that lovely DW has prepared and off to work (8.30am) (He never eats any breakfast or has a drink).

cheshirekitty Tue 30-Sep-08 09:58:37

Oh girls, have you ever heard the word DIVORCE.

Honestly, can I recommend the kitty school of lazy husband bashing. Very low rates. Guaranteed to turn a lazy pig into a loving, hard working husband.

VictorianSqualor Tue 30-Sep-08 10:09:37

Does he leave much earlier than you?

DP only realised this morning that I leave between 15-30 minutes after him for the school run.

Generally we both wake up at about 7:30, I go downstairs and get breakfast started and make lunches, whilst eh gets in the shower. The eldest two DCs get their own uniforms on.

DP comes down about the same time as the Dcs and brings the baby down with him, baby is put in living room with toys whilst Dcs and DP all eat breakfast/drink the smoothies I've made.

I do lunches when they eat as I wouldn't eat something that had been in the fridge all night so I wouldn't expect them to.(I am not hungry by then so don't eat with them, sometimes might sit down and have a cup of tea or a yoghurt).

DP sits on the computer reading his emails whilst I try to get myself ready and get bookbags/lunches/coats/shoes in order, and do DD's hair.

DP leaves and I realise I haven't got the baby ready yet so he comes on the school run in his sleepsuit most mornings.

This morning when DP sat on the pooter I asked him to get the baby ready instead, which he did, no problem, and then said 'I always think you have tons of time in the morning but you have to go in half an hour don't you?' (this is at 8:30) me:'No, ten/fifteen minutes! We have to be at school at quarter to nine, not nine o'clock which is why I asked you to get the baby ready'.

I wonder if he gets the baby ready tomorrow?

VictorianSqualor Tue 30-Sep-08 10:11:16

I have to say, he is FAB at the weekends.
Always gets up and brings the children downstairs so I can get sleep as he knows I'm still up with the baby at least once a night.
He always forgets to give them breakfast thoughhmm

compo Tue 30-Sep-08 10:17:37

I hate it when I get up an hour early than dh, get kids up breakfasted ready to go etc and ust when I finally want to use the bathroom he decides to get up and goes in first
then when he comes out he goes to work whilst I have 2 seconds to use bathroom, get dressed and out the door for school
grrrr.... dh's are here to try us for sure

pooka Tue 30-Sep-08 10:24:01

First of all.

Why make sandwiches in the morning? Do it the night before - saves precious time.

Also, why are people making sandwiches/lunch for their DH when their DH is absolved of all other effort in the morning. I am not saying that women should never do things for their partners, but that there should be a degree of reciprocality. If they're being an arse in the mornings , they can sort their own lunch out!

VictorianSqualor Tue 30-Sep-08 10:37:34

Good point pooka, I always make DP's lunch but he will be getting the baby ready in the mornings now.

PinkyDinkyDooToo Tue 30-Sep-08 10:39:06

DH is like this. He decided to take the day off last week so said he would take DS1(5) to school. Every morning I get myself DS1 and DS2(1) and myself ready to go out of the house to walk to school at 8.35am.

On the day DH did it. He got DS12 ready, I did DS2 and he didn't have to take him with him, and he was still late. He didn't leave until 8.40am. He has no clue

VictorianSqualor Tue 30-Sep-08 10:54:35

I just think that whichever parent doesn't do it, has no idea what is going on.

Take my sunday night for example.

DP's parents popped over, a last minute thing to look at our broken fence, normally we would be at home alone (either back from the in-laws or them having gone home) by about 4pm.

His parents left at 6pm.

I start peeling the spuds for dinner, and put some sausages in the oven. Need to go to the shop so I pop out, leaving the DCs with DP. I tell him dinner will be ready by the time I get back, and am held up, I expect him to have turned the dinner off. He hasn't, didn't realise apparently, partly my fault for not saying I suppose, but it was burnt.

It's 6:45, dinner time was 15 minutes ago, and dinner isn't ready. The conversation went something like this.

DP: Why are you so pissed off? It's only dinner. I'll put some more on. Go and sit down(trying to help)

ME: But that will take half an hour! I don't have half an hour!

DP:It doesn't matter if the children go to bed a little later. Dinner will be ready for 7:15.

ME: They don't just need to eat their dinner though, they need dinner, and a shower and the baby needs his shower, and to be fed, and all this needs to be done by 7:30.

DP: That's not a problem, I'll put some more dinner on, shower the children and you can go and sit down whilst I sort it. That way the children will have had a shower, can have dinner at 7pm and easily be in bed for 7:45. That's only 15 minutes late.

ME: No! DS2 has to go to bed at 7:30! Which means DS1 needs to be in bed by 7:15 so he is asleep and doesn't shout me when I put DS2 down. Then Dd goes at 7:45. This won't work now!

DP: Why does DS2 need to be in bed at 7:30? How about you put him to bed whilst I sort the other tow out, leave them and dinner to me, you do the baby.

ME: (getting really frustrated now) YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU? DS2 HAS TO HAVE A SHOWER AT 7;15, THEN BE FED UNTIL 7;30ISH AND THEN GO TO BED, IF HE DOESN'T HE IS UP ALL BLOODY NIGHT, ALL I EXPECTED WAS THAT YOU WOULD REALISE I WAS TAKING LONGER AND CHECK THE GODDAMN DINNER. NOW THE WHOLE ROUTINE IS MESSED UP, I HAVE A ROUTINE FOR A REASON YOU KNOW.

DP: There's a routine?

SixSpotBurnet Tue 30-Sep-08 10:59:38

Doesn't sound fair. Dh doesn't work and I do, but I still get the DSs up, supervise the getting dressed etc, get their breakfast, usually change a big poo of DS3's, tidy up, do/supervise teeth-cleaning etc.

SixSpotBurnet Tue 30-Sep-08 11:00:58

Btw, I didn't really understand why you would have to have a shower before DH leaves for work? Can't DS watch CBeebies for 15 mins while you shower? Or just play in the bathroom while you do? That's what mine used to do.

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