Absolutely FUMING and upset

[MrsSnape]

Current situation:

I'm stuck on one of the roughest estates in Hull. My kids are due to go to one of the roughest schools in the city. Obv. Very depressed and stressed about it all.

MONTHS AGO I asked my mum if my stepdad would be a guarantor for a prvate rented house so I could move (currently unemployed and single parent, deperately searching for work).

She said YES. HE said yes. They KNEW what a guarantor was because he even said "as long as she promises to keep her repayments up".

So I applied for a few houses but got nowhere.

Wednesday the PERFECT house came up in the PERFECT area, housing benfit ok with a guarantor so BEOFRE I went for it I phoned my mum and asked if it was still ok. She said YES. When he got in from work he said YES.

So I went to see this house yesterday, it was PERFECT and I was told it was practically mine. I was so excited.

I then went and applied for an £800 loan which I was told I was pretty much guaranteed. All I needed to do was get the guarantor form signed and then it was would be pretty much all go from there.

So this morning, my mum phones and says "I'm really sorry but he's decided he won't do it, he's scared you won't pay the rent" . I am fucking FUMING and I swear to god he's done this on purpose because he's that much of a spiteful twat.

I'm just livid, absolutely fucking MAD. I've now applied for an £800 loan which I'll have to pay back for no bloody reason, I have applied for two houses which I'm pretty much guaranteed of getting, I told the kids they would no longer have to go to chav-hell high school next year and then he goes and does this.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE??? Why the fuck didn't he say in the first place before I went and faffed about trying desperately to get these houses? why wait until I'm in the final stages of securing a half decent house to drop the bombshell?

I've never been so annoyed. I ended up arguining with my mum and put the phone down on her (because she was sticking up for him).

[S1ur]

God how bloody annoying for you! Is there any chance of reasoning with him?

Pleading?

[MrsSnape]

I can't stop crying I just feel so let down.

I'm not going to beg, it will just be the last time I ask him or anyone else for a favour.

[forevercleaning]

oh how awful, can you not get your mum on your side a bit more? Surely she will want to see the grandkids moving to a better area and schools etc.

Give them the sob story, and if that fails, tell them they have let you down after promising. See how that works.

Really hope they change their mind

[angrypixie]

I am so sorry - can't imagine how let down you feel.

NBU at all to assume that he would have said 'No' from outset if he wasn't happy about it.

[aGalChangedHerName]

Could your mum not sign it for you?

Then it's nothing to do with him??

[MrsSnape]

She did say she understands why I'm so upset but then added "I can see where Barry is coming from too though" but the point is he KNEW what being a guarantor meant so why wait until I'm this close?

They know how desperate I am to move, I can't give a better sob story than the one I give daily.

[MrsSnape]

She doesn't work, it has to be the one who is working.

[newforold]

Hang on though, your kids don't start the awful school until next year?

That gives you a year to find somewhere, save up the deposit etc and get a job so that you don't need a guarantor?

Sorry, i know the above sounds like i'm being one of those "GET A JOB" type tosspots, i'm not. I'm just trying to point out the positive side. I think what your stepdad has done is crap but in order to move on you need to think about a plan B.

As regards the loan, you can still cancel the application. Even if it's too late to do that, as soon as the money comes through then you can call and pay it back. There may possibly be early redemption fees but they will probably be less than the interest you would pay on the loan.

[hecate]

She can see where he's coming from? You mean she thinks you won't pay the rent either? Why do they think that of you? That must feel awful.

[Ashantai]

Your stepdad is totally out of order for doing this to you and your kids. They must have been over the moon to be moving to a nicer area with a better school to look forward to.

How can he just crap all over you like this, after you asked him numerous times and even asked both of them before you went for the house.

They've both had ample opportunities to say no, and to wait till you have literally moved in, is evil frankly.

[forevercleaning]

Im not 100% sure about council properties, but is there some way you cn put in for a swap and move away at some stage suring the year? Or do you mean your area is that bad, that people wont want to go there?

Poor you, though.

[blinks]

i've posted on your other thread

[LazyLinePainterJane]

But she would have to apply for the better school, newforold?

[MrsSnape]

I've been trying desperately to get a job, I keep getting knock-backs constantly. Nobody in their right mind would willingly move to this estate tbh and there is a 3 year waiting list for another council house IF you have genuine reasons for moving (so saying "the area is full of asbo scum) will not do it.

He's just a complete twat. Always has been, always will be. I'm not going to go into all the shit he's done in the past because I'll end up getting too angry but lets just say since he came into our lives, mine has gone to shit, he's made sure of it.

[StealthPolarBear]

What a nightmare
As you say, he would have been perfectly within his rights to say no all along, but to dangle it infront of you and then snatch it back when things seem to be slotting into place is incredibly cruel
Why do they think you won't pay the rent?
Sorry, I'm racking my brains for another way

[MrsSnape]

To be honest, they know I will. I've never missed a payment on anything and in all honesty, I think my mum thinks he's out of order but she ALWAYS sticks up for him even when she knows he's in the wrong.
Like their daughter has practically ALL the signs of autism but he refuses to let her get help. My mum says "I know we should be getting her help...but I can see where Barry is coming from..."

"Barry has created a weapon of mass destruction and is going to blow up a neighbouring country...I know he shouldn't...but I can see where he's coming from...." for fucks sake.

[StealthPolarBear]

lol and
any chance you can call up the landlord and beg? Show how you've never missed a payment in the last X years? Obviously don't tell them the reason, just say you have noone in your immed family who is working and in a position to do it?

[kitbit]

Can you get a council reference to say you are a good payer? Can you show a bank statement to show them you are able to pay? Can the bank manager help?

Really disappointed for you, trying to think of anything at all that might help...

[mitfordsisters]

YANBU MrsSnape. What a tosser. He is abusing what pathetic power he has over you. Avoid him like the plague - he is bad news for you and your self esteem. Just see your mum on her own and never refer to him - if she talks about him, just smile and think happy thoughts.

Then do what StealthPolarBear and newforold say.

[wb]

YANBU but I agree w. mitfordsisters. Keep well clear of him and don't give him any leverage over of you. Apart from anything I bet that would annoy him no end.

[wannaBe]

yanbu to be upset.

But, you have spoken about the (not so) lovely Barry before, and not in glowing tones.

Did you not realize he might do this?

I take back what I said on another thread of yours, - I think you should go out and buy your sister a python. And a terantula. And a litter of st Bernard puppies.

[MrsSnape]

My mum has just said "Barry said we can't afford to move yet we'd be paying for you to do it".

That hits the nail on the bed basically, they can't move so they don't want to help me do it either.

He's the reason I left home at 16. He had his own little girl and then decided I was surplus to requirements. fucker.

Then I could go on to blame him for me being homeless at 16, pregnant at 17, stuck on council estate ever since....but I won't

Oh what a mess, you know when you just feel like laughing because the alternative is to cry and not stop?

I suppose its not the end of the world. Worse things can happen. He's just confirmed to me what a wanker he is and always has been. Wish I'd never asked him in the first place and given him the power to fuck me over yet again.

[MrsSnape]

wannabe, its funny because at the back of my mind it was always there..."he's going to say no at the last minute..." but I had no alternative other than to trust him. Serves me right really, asking someone I can't stand to help me. I sure won't do that again!

And the st bernard puppies are in the post!

[MrsSnape]

I remember once at my ex's much loved grans funeral.

I said to my mum "will you look after DS so I can go?" she said "yes".

This was two days before.

Next day "you sure you can have DS? because I don't want to mess them about on a day like that..."

she said "yes, definately"

The day OF THE FUNERAL "You can still have DS yeah? when should I bring him?"

"actually, we've been talking and barry thinks it might be a bit awkward...you know, with school and everything"

me - "but the funeral is all arranged! what am I supposed to do now?"

mum "well don't get on at me! I can see where barry is coming from..." ARGH!!!!

That got me into a bit of hot water with their family who decided I was "pratting about" because I didn't want to go and then they wonder why I very rarely ask for help.

[StealthPolarBear]

So he does this sort of thing all the time to control you?