Please either help me stop drowing in this pool of self pity of keep your foot on my head!

[pepperpots]

Ok I was going to name change but I wont because I don't want people to think i'm a troll

I will try to keep this as short as possible and I do appreciate there are people going through worse situations

I have been TTC for over 3 years (i do have 2 ds that i thank the lord for daily) and after several (too many) m/c and an ectopic last year that almost killed me have had no luck in the BFP

To date I have had 1 friend who 'accidentally' fell pg when on the pill "maybe i missed the odd one"!!!, My Sis in law who didn't want children until she was 30+ (she is 21 btw!!) and a friend who took the MAP 8 days later ffs!!!

This is bad enough right? Oh no it seems that someone hates me enough to make my older sis (who incidentally gave her dd up for adoption 9 yrs ago ) come here and ask if i had an PG tests here (she's knows I would) and then have to sit here while she did 3 and watch them all come up positive

DH witnesses all this and then asks (when Dsis had gone obv) why I had got upset and in all honesty should be grateful I have 2 already!

Know, I am not under any illusion that I am unlucky because I have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys whom I adore. It's just that it hurts so much to have to congratulate people who weren't 'trying' I am in all honesty getting mightily fucked off

Please feel free to either ignore or hug or kick me up the jacksey

[pepperpots]

I just read that back and also want to ask if it is Ok that I break my heart over this now?

[pepperpots]

Thank you..... it really has reached a crescendo where I have asked him to leave God I sound like i'm over reacting don't i? It's a long story believe me

[bloomingfedup]

Ok, deep breath. I have been in a very similar situation to you although Dh was very understanding. I can completley relate to how you are feeling but you must know deep down you are BU. You are in pain and yearning for another baby - it is such a strong emotion. Don't let your feelings make you bitter but do allow yourself to feel them. Is there anyone in RL you can talk to or prehaps counselling.

Babydust coming your way. Hope it happens soon.

[pepperpots]

I have no one in RL that is the sad fact. Probably becuase they are all PG and i'm the the bitter seething one Oh God what have i fucking become???

[bloomingfedup]

PP

Perfectly natural reaction. Last year i had 2nd ectopic, I was dropping my daughter off at nursery (some months later) and there was a women there showing the staff her new baby. I felt torn apart. I went home and cried. Please think about counselling if you have no one to talk to. BTW - ectopicpregnancytrust has fab messgae boards with a section about TTC - you will get lots of support there.

[pepperpots]

Thank you for taking the time to post and I mean that. I'm not really sure what else to do at the moment i'm sat on my own whilst DH has taken his rings off and hotfooted it to the spare room

[bloomingfedup]

PP

I know this is'nt an excuse but he's a man and they don't feel it like we do. Can you talk to him? Please don't let this tear you apart (unless there are other issues?).You really need DH right now. I can so understand your feelings, really I can but hold him close and let him in.

It makes me that you are having such a tough time. Is it possible to have some me time - I found that helped me a lot and some couple time?

[llynnnn]

havent got any advice for you, sorry, but sending you huge hugs, i dont think you are being unreasonable at all. ANYONE who wants a baby sooooo much would feel exactly the same. hope you get some help and that BFP soon

[pepperpots]

He won't let me in and although says he has 'these feelings' when i ask him to express them doesn't

[takingitasitcomes]

I'm really sorry things are so hard just now. YANBU - mc is dreadful no matter how many dcs you may have already. We had to TTC for some time before DS arrived. I found myself turning into a 'baby-mad-witch' (my own name for myself) as all the disappointment built up and especially as I tried to get over mc. What really helped me hold on to some sanity was taking baby breaks for two months each year so that we could have a holiday from thinking and agonising about it all. It was really hard to do (kept thinking 'tik-tok') but it helped keep DH and I together through it all. Otherwise we found the tension was overwhelming. [and in classic fashion; DS was conceived during one of these breaks when we ran out of condoms!]

HTH - big hugs to you.

[bloomingfedup]

How are you today PP? my dh said did'nt express his feelings either, i got very fustrated by this which led to rows. in the end he broke down and said that he was so worried about losing me, after this things between us were better.