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to be secretly breastfeeding my dd. ( I know it sounds crazy)

(52 Posts)
Pryor Tue 23-Sep-08 23:16:11

Sorry for the name change but this is embarrassing.
I have bf my dd for 6 months and she would never take a bottle of even expressed milk during this time.
A few weeks ago I tried her with a bottle again and magically she took it.
My dh thinks we should now only give her bottles and I should stop bfing completely.

He thinks bfing is the reason she doesn't sleep well and that she wakes up because she wants the comfort of me feeding her.

I have agreed that he is probably right about the comfort aspect, however I personally don't mind her needing me to comfort her in the night.

So now I am in the ridiculous situation of feeding her when she seems to need it but just telling dh that I patted her or gave her a cuddle to sooth her.
DD is only just over 7 months and I feel if she needs to bf for comfort that is OK. I understand dh's point of view as she does need to learn to sleep better.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? Probably not. sad

moondog Tue 23-Sep-08 23:18:36

Gosh, i see no reason for you to be ashamed or do it covertly. You are the mother so you have the final say in my opinion.

MrsThierryHenry Tue 23-Sep-08 23:19:14

Bless you, you lovely mummy!

I'm wondering why you feel that you can't stand up (to your DH) for what you want to do? How does DH feel about bfing in general?

Is this your first baby?

masalachameleon Tue 23-Sep-08 23:20:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mum2OliverJames Tue 23-Sep-08 23:20:49

I dont think yabu, i think your dh is being unreasonable, he obv doesnt realise that there is more to breastfeeding than just feeding dc, its about bonding too.

DS is nearly 9 mnths and im still bfing in the morning blush i just dont want to give it up sad

MrsThierryHenry Tue 23-Sep-08 23:22:26

Masala, are you using a German keyboard, perchance?! wink

S1ur Tue 23-Sep-08 23:22:34

Feeding your child yourself is nothing to be covert about, you have the research and instincts and choice on your side. So why are you hiding? What has dp said that has made you wary?

thumbwitch Tue 23-Sep-08 23:22:51

I think it is lovely of you to keep bf'ing her and can't for the life of me understand why your DH thinks he knows better than you what you should do for your baby?! In the end, who is getting up to feed her? You are, so what difference does it make to him?

She is still only little you know - my DS was sleeping through some nights at that age but has since regressed again and most nights needs one feed, but then goes straight back to sleep and stays that way til morning.

Don't tell him if you think it will make waves but in all honesty, it's your call, not his.

MrsThierryHenry Tue 23-Sep-08 23:28:08

Hi thumbwitch <hugs>!!

Pryor, if you want to help her sleep better you could try formula at night to fill her up a bit more. You might also want to try the Baby Whisperer's approach to encourage her to sleep on her own.

However at 6 months it's VERY common for babies to still be waking lots. Dads are usually far less patient about these things than mums. Next time he complains, stick a sock in his gob. Better still, a boob. He won't whinge then, will he? wink

Pryor Tue 23-Sep-08 23:28:28

Moondog, I think because dd has been an unsettled sleeper (wild understatement) I know dh is trying to find a solution, which is why I feel bad about thwarting his efforts.

MrsThierryHenry Dh is supportive of bfing, but doesn't really understand the emotional attachment involved.
DD is my third child. My two older children were both bf but were not difficult sleepers, so we never had an issue like this.

Just re-reading my OP has made me see how ridiculous this is and i must talk to him.

masalachameleon Tue 23-Sep-08 23:28:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsThierryHenry Tue 23-Sep-08 23:31:06

Masala, they're beautiful grin.

Pryor - so glad this has helped you work out how to tackle the problem. I hope things work well for everyone!

callmeovercautious Tue 23-Sep-08 23:32:32

I really understand the need to keep feeding - especially at night. Please do what you and your LO need to do.

Speak to DH and try to tell him that you are still feeding and you intend on doing so until you think otherwise.

I still feed DD at just over 2 years. I am gently trying to get her to stop but tbh at the minute she has a cold and if she wakes up all hot and feverish a qick BF soothes her back to sleep in no time (with a spot of calpol grin)

I am happy to help you find links to back up your argument if you need them.

thumbwitch Tue 23-Sep-08 23:32:46

Hi MrsTH <hugs back> - lovely to see you again grin

Dunno about sticking boob in DH's gob - I had to ask mine to do that once when it was massively but partially engorged and DS wasn't playing the game; DH thought What fun until it actually came to actually trying to suck the actual milk out and then he really got a bit iffy about the whole thing! He had a go, bless him, didn't work and he got blood blisters on his tongue grin, but it did stop him pretending to go for my boobs after that!!

Sorry, mild hijack - another thing that can help them to sleep better is to make sure that there is no light in their room - my Ds has blacjout curtains over windows and glass-paned door.

sleepycat Tue 23-Sep-08 23:32:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsThierryHenry Tue 23-Sep-08 23:35:18

Thumbs, that's hilarious! I'll have to remember that one for next time I'm bfing a baby!

Mum2OliverJames Tue 23-Sep-08 23:39:48

Masala are your real life initials TM?
sorry if they are not, just my friend B button is broken too and i sent her a lnk to this site - maybe just a coincidence

is that you TM? [sly look emotion]

masalachameleon Tue 23-Sep-08 23:42:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overthehill Tue 23-Sep-08 23:43:53

I bf both my dc's until they were about two and that worked fine. When dd was a baby I really struggled with her wanting to be fed repeatedly at night, but this book sorted it all miraculously quickly.

Mum2OliverJames Tue 23-Sep-08 23:46:56

lol, will do!
how do you get the B you use? i will tell her about it/

btw sorry for hijacking thread will be gone in a mo promise blush

masalachameleon Tue 23-Sep-08 23:49:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mum2OliverJames Tue 23-Sep-08 23:51:57

aww, i dont think she has a mac. she had plugged a keyboard into her laptop for time being but i think it annoyed her grin

thank you very much for your knowledge, i will pass it on in hope that it helps her grin


as you were wink

NotAnOtter Tue 23-Sep-08 23:56:30

ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß

what fun!

masalachameleon Tue 23-Sep-08 23:58:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotAnOtter Tue 23-Sep-08 23:59:18

i am having a great time!

NotAnOtter ©

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