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I have just been shouted at by the parent of DS1's latest victim. AIBU to think they'd be better off yelling at the school because I am doing my bloody best and am now scared to go into the playground, which is ridiculous?

(190 Posts)
Peachy Tue 23-Sep-08 16:16:19


Am not so much angry that he approached- God knows I'd have done the same- but he wouldn't listen and kept saying in a put on voice 'yeah yeah I know he has needs'. The aggression of the dad dd make me shake (still am) and I feel like crying still.

What I was actually trying to say, if he had listened, was that I was very sorry and that he should approach the school in the hope they'd support our constant requests to them to watch him at lunchtime.

Most of all though I am scared that ds1's behaviour makes me feel sick - today he kicked the exact site of the injury on a boy with a recnt leg op. He says the boy ran after him- boy was on crutches. It's all bullshit, it's always bullshit and ds1 is angry at us for not beleiving him.

The school called the Dad in to get his son, so why the f didn't they tell us?
had I been alone i'd have been petrified; I had ds2, 3 and 4 with me.

Am really wishing I could just sign some forms for ds1 to go to a behavioural unit but school will barely acknowledge an issue atm, as they don't want any more 1-1's in the school and his current one already has too many hours. They have to try that before anything else: ed psych dept ahs closed due to staff shortages as well.

Ths was in front of the Mum of poor little ds2's new friend (DS2 has been hurt by kids telling him to top DS1 hurting them so chances are, as before, friend won't be allowed to play with ds2 now. But ds2 can't help his brother.

I think my patience with ds1 is running out. I love him dearly but truth be told he can be a little shit and I hate to think that way.

Peachy Tue 23-Sep-08 16:18:45

for anyone who doesn't know ds1. he has diagnosed ASD, severe aggression whch we have been battling for ages and gets 10 hrs 1-1 a week which they choose not to use at lunchtimes.

BalloonSlayer Tue 23-Sep-08 16:21:47

I am so sorry for you, it must be awful. Don't have any advice sad just sympathy.

plus3 Tue 23-Sep-08 16:23:12

[hugs] Do you think that the school might take you and DS more seriously if the dad of other boy complains?

Buda Tue 23-Sep-08 16:23:30

Sorry Peachy - it all sounds horrible. Especially as he is your little boy and you love him - although not the behaviour.

Can you contact the dad again and ask him to write to the school? Explain that you are trying to get them to supervise more and that the more ammunition you have the better.

cluckyagain Tue 23-Sep-08 16:24:43

I agree with buda - try and get the other dad on your side. Good luckx

Peachy Tue 23-Sep-08 16:24:45

plus2 every time this happens I ask them to do just that- they never do

They know what ds1 is like, they've ahd formal complaints (his last school got a petition shock

nothing happens

SharkyandGeorge Tue 23-Sep-08 16:25:00

sad for you, wish I had something constructive to say but afraid I don't, really help they give you the support you need soon.

cornsilk Tue 23-Sep-08 16:26:08

sorry to hear this peachy - poor you, that must have been an awful experience.

forevercleaning Tue 23-Sep-08 16:26:11

so sorry to read your post. It must be so hard for you, espeicially as you are trying to get all the help required and its just not forthcoming.

No advice really, just sorry you are going through this. sad

MaureenMLove Tue 23-Sep-08 16:26:20

Aw, you poor thing Peachy! I'm not suprised you feel so upset. It was very wrong of this parent to shout at you in the playground. Does he know the extent of DS's problems? Although, sounds like he wouldn't be interested anyway. I think if you are feeling intimidated in the playground, you should arrange to see the head straight away and tell her. She will not be happy about that and he should be told.

Hope you can get the school to get him some more one to one. Sounds like he needs it and deserves an education, just like everyone else.

Twiglett Tue 23-Sep-08 16:27:14

Oh Peachy I'm so sorry .. that seems so unfair.

May I suggest you write the parents a note and pass it on through school .. saying you're really sorry about what happens and you know that they have every right to be cross. Say that you have been begging school to ensure that DS is supervised during lunchtimes as you believe that is necessary. Explain that you are constantly asking school for more supervision and there is really no alternative to that.

And I wouldn't worry about DS2's new firend .. if she's worth anything she won't be taking it out on DS2

Deep breath sweety .. it will blow over

wuzzlefraggle Tue 23-Sep-08 16:27:18

Peachy, I have no advice, but much sympathy

I hope that this all gets sorted out for you x

Twiglett Tue 23-Sep-08 16:27:54

10 hours shock

only 10 hours?

that's mad!

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 23-Sep-08 16:28:18

Message withdrawn

Tclanger Tue 23-Sep-08 16:29:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Tue 23-Sep-08 16:30:16

Make sure you write to the school and copying to the statementing officer and to the local councillors stating what happened. Make it clear that your son hurt the other boy and that it could have been serious. Hopefully the father will write too, but I doubt it. Point out in words of one syllable that they will be responsible if something happens to another child.

What are the triggers? Is there are ASD support/outreach team. Presumably the boy didn't run after him, but that doesn't mean that your son doesn't think he did (I'm thinking of cases where a child has tried to be nice to a kid with AS but it's been misinterpreted and ended up in fisticuffs).

Your son doesn't just need supervision he needs support to integrate and play. You could point that out as well. There must be something in the SN code of practice about this sort of thing. After all inclusion shouldn't just be about dumping kids unsupported in maintstream.

Peachy Tue 23-Sep-08 16:31:04

The edpsychs office is operating on 2 staff (from 20, we live near a city)- ds1 has beenr eferred a year ago for urgent support but its still a year wait minimum

We've done all we can at home- we even have alarms installed to stop him leaving his room at night and harming his brother

he is making a sorry card for the toher kid now. Won't change him but migt make other kid feel less threatened sad

Everyone is being so nice. Almost wish someone would come on and post I was a neglectful bitch who should be able to sort their own child- that's how I feel

conniedescending Tue 23-Sep-08 16:31:49

you need to get a referral to a clinical psychologist (possibly within camhs) and get a challenging behaviour assessment done. Then take that to the school

noonki Tue 23-Sep-08 16:31:53

How awful for you

i agree with MaureenMlove, go and see the head.

Not that I am going to condone the father's behaviour but maybe his dd's has been bullied by other children and this was the final straw.

And I find the playground scary at the best of times so don't think you are the only one!

Notquitegrownup Tue 23-Sep-08 16:32:12

It must be so frustrating for you.

I'm no expert, but if you wrote to the other parent and copied it to the school, copy it to the school governors, and the local LEA too. That way you might gain some support in your efforts to gain more appropriate help for your ds.

Peachy Tue 23-Sep-08 16:32:31

Twig I ahd to fight to get 10 hours- my then non-verbal 3 year old only gets 16, I was gratedul for ten!

jimjams the trigger is playtime. He just cannot cope in undstructured time.

twocutedarlings Tue 23-Sep-08 16:32:33

No Ed psyc !!! total disgrace!! peachy sad so whats the service been replaced with ???

Im so sorry that this has upset you sad.

bloomingfedup Tue 23-Sep-08 16:34:18

Oh Peachy - its not your fault or your sons - its the schools. I totally disagree with parents approaching other parents with regards to ishoos in in any way shape or form. I can understand the dad was quite rightly upset but he should NOT of confronted you.angry

WorzselMummage Tue 23-Sep-08 16:34:19

It must be hard for you you have my sympathies there, However, if i were in the position of the other parent i'd possibly have behaved the same way, not with the violence but there would definatly have been words.

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