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to think this mum's being a bit over sensitive?

(134 Posts)
gabygirl Tue 23-Sep-08 13:45:49

..... One of the mums from dd's class sidled up to me in the playground this morning with the heartsink comment 'can I have a quick word with you about something your dd has said to my dd?'

Seems my dd (9) had said to her dd that she liked her shoes, and asked her dd where she'd got them from. When she said 'Barrett's' apparently my dd said 'you shouldn't buy your shoes from there because they don't last long - they'll have fallen apart in a few weeks'.

The mum told me her dd had got really upset and hadn't known what to say. I apologised for my dd hurting her dd's feelings about her shoes but even while I was saying it I was mentally rolling my eyes into the back of my head. I mean - is this something other people here would take up with a parent?

The thing is it was horribly embarrassing because dd was repeating something I'd said. Ideally dd would like a new pair of school shoes every 3 weeks. I've said to her on many occasions that I'm not wasting money or jeopardising her feet by buying her cheap school shoes that'll fall apart and look horrible within a few days of getting home. I'm not snobby but I hate seeing a child in ill-fitting and cheap school shoes. She gets a new pair of Clarks or Start Rite for school every few months, when she's grown out of the old pair. 'Leisure shoes' are another thing and I'm quite happy for her to slob around it Primark sandals at home. I'm mortified now that this mum thinks I'm a vicious snob and that I'm teaching my dd bad values. blush But at the same time I think she's being a complete plank about telling me in the first place.

tortoiseshell Tue 23-Sep-08 13:47:36

gabygirl - wouldn't worry about it - kids say these things. My ds1 went to a friend's house, was given sausages and beans, said he didn't like sausages - and 'what sort of beans are these?' On being told 'Tesco value beans' he said 'Well I don't eat Value beans'....

Helsbels4 Tue 23-Sep-08 13:51:32

If the mother is the sort that will confront another mum in the playground over something so ridiculous then it's no wonder that the child is over-sensitive. Don't worry about it.

shootfromthehip Tue 23-Sep-08 13:52:54

Oh ffs= some people are mortally PC and OTT. Could have been remedied by the other Mum consolling her wean and not mentioning it at all. Argh. Some people make me so cross angry

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Tue 23-Sep-08 13:54:01

I would try not to stress about it too much.

Maybe the other mother has to buy shoes from Barratts and feels bad about it.

She might appear over sensitive to you but this is something that clearly matters to her. Maybe she would like to buy better quality shoes but can't afford them.

Might be a good time to have a chat with your DD about thinking about others feelings before speaking. Wouldn't hurt, though I am not saying she has done anything wrong.

beeny Tue 23-Sep-08 13:55:18

shes a plank

beeny Tue 23-Sep-08 13:55:20

shes a plank

mabanana Tue 23-Sep-08 13:55:36

I'd be so tempted to laugh loudly and say, 'kids, always so embarrassing,eh?' but I'd probably say, 'oh, sorry' and get away from her as fast as I could!

Sanctuary Tue 23-Sep-08 13:56:20

The mother is very over sensitive.
If she thinks thats bad whats she going to do when it is serious???

OrmIrian Tue 23-Sep-08 13:59:25

What's wrong with Barratts? Have I missed something. Shoefayre and George are the cheap shoe shops in my book hmm.

However i think she was daft. Perhaps best to mention to your DD that she shouldn't repeat everything you say to her friends.

hecate Tue 23-Sep-08 14:12:52

Perhaps they are all she can afford and she felt you were looking down on her?

onebatmother Tue 23-Sep-08 14:18:47

mmm, I think like Hecate. I think she was trying to ask you, perhaps, to have a word with your (lovely I'm sure) dd about relative budgets ... If her dd is squirming bcs she (prob wrongly) thinks that she's being looked down on, I can see why she might approach you, though I feel for you - DS said something similar a while back, but luckily I was there and could fake a coughing fit...

StayFrosty Tue 23-Sep-08 14:27:51

Well, I can sort of see where the other mum was coming from. as Hecate says, maybe she would really like to get her dd more expensive shoes, but can't, and if they are on a budget maybe her dd is not used to getting compliments about the nice stuff she has, and your dd's comment really took the shine off the initial compliment she paid her and spoilt her pleasure in her new shoes. Maybe the dd is sulking and stropping and not wanting to wear them now. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a word with your dd about tact and diplomacy, 9 is plenty old enough to start thinking about other people's feelings before she speaks imo. Incidentally, I agree with Orm too, imo Barratts are mid range, not rock bottom cheap shite, but then again I am a total pleb grin

chocolatedot Tue 23-Sep-08 14:28:48

God if only my children would confine themselves to comments as inoffensive as that. This morning my daughter approached the pony-tailed dad of a classmate outside school and in front of everyone told him in a lovely clear voice "Mummy doesn't like men with pony tails".

Yesterday I was chatting to the class Alpha mummy (you know, practically perfect in every way) and DS comes up and interrupts with "Mummy, why were you shouting at Daddy this morning? You woke me up". I could fill a book with these sort of embarrassments.

wotulookinat Tue 23-Sep-08 14:33:56

I didn't know there was anything wrong with Barratt shoes.

ImNotOnline Tue 23-Sep-08 14:34:16

chocolatedot - Those things only embarrass you, what OPs daughter said upset another child, and as has been said imo 9 is old enough to be thinking about how what they say affects others.

pagwatch Tue 23-Sep-08 14:35:31

when DD was smaller a friend of hers came over with her parents. DD was wearing some beautiful new sandals.
Her friend - aged all of six said " Does she really need so many clothes and shoes"

Do you really think so?" I asked

The parents were so blush.

grin

BalloonSlayer Tue 23-Sep-08 14:39:04

That's a pretty nasty comment to make. I'd be mortified if I found out one of mine had upset their friends like that.

It doesn't matter what you had said about not buying those shoes to your DD, she is old enough to know that if you say something like that to someone who actually has bought them, it's going to really upset them.

I would have a long talk with my six year old about hurting people's feelings, tact etc.

But a NINE year old making a comment like that? I would have to think it was a deliberate attempt to make someone feel bad.

And that's probably why the mum approached you.

2beornot2be Tue 23-Sep-08 14:40:04

LOL do barratts shoes fall apart??

YANBU the other mother and Daughter our being senstive. I remember when I was at school with my sisters cheap B wise hand me down shoes kids use to take the piss my Step mother (who is a beast) use to have ago at us if we got upset by what other kids had said

pooka Tue 23-Sep-08 14:43:17

I think the mother approaching you has done you a favour in that you can maybe try and talk about differing budgets and the need to edit what she says in order to avoid hurting other people's feelings.

pooka Tue 23-Sep-08 14:44:25

It was a rather rude and unnecessary comment for her to have made. I probably wouldn't have approached you, but then I am a complete wuss when it comes to confrontation.

nailpolish Tue 23-Sep-08 14:45:56

a 9 yr old should know better not to belittle her schoolfriends

but i also think the other mum was a bit off to bring it up with you.

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 14:46:47

While I agree with what you say about buying proper shoes I do think your DD must have caused the little girl a lot of upset for her to come and mention it to you.

I personally would use it as an opportunity to explain to your DD about keeping certain opinions to oneself, a good lesson at this sort of age.

StayFrosty Tue 23-Sep-08 14:49:58

Umm, 2be, correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to be saying that being picked on for not having cool/expensive stuff is all part of life's rich tapestry and kids should get over it like you had to? If so, I beg to differ, I'm afraid.

ime 9/10 is the age when that really nasty Mean Girls bullying stuff can start, girls blanking each other for stupid reasons and falling in and out at the drop of a hat; am not saying that what your dd did was deliberate and necessarily part of that gabygirl, but that's how it could potentially be perceived iyswim? and I don't blame the other mother for being hyper sensitive to it, I went through all that and I am dreading my dd getting to that age and being as miserable as I was.

lulabellarama Tue 23-Sep-08 15:03:31

I agree with what others have said. Your daughter is 9, she needs to learn that it's not appropriate to make certain comments and this is your opportunity to teach her. I can't see anything wrong with the mother raising this with you if her daughter was upset by yours.

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