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Yes I probably am but I want a moan!

(16 Posts)
WallOfSilence Mon 22-Sep-08 21:41:55

I KNOW I am being unreasonable but I am going to explode before long.

First of all, DH & I both work full time. He finishes at 4.30pm & I work until 6pm.

This means he is home every day before me & usually has the dinner on (or usually has it ready to be fair).

However, he seems to think that as he cooks most (every?) evening that this excludes him from lifting a finger elsewhere in the house.

This week he is on night shifts which means he will be home throughout the day.. this also means that he will lie in bed until 1pm (which is OK as he will have worked until 4/4.30am) but then he will get up, make coffee & have some lunch/brekkie & leave the dishes... he won't make the bed & he won't even think of putting a load of washing on.

Today I stripped dd's bed before going work & I filled the machine. I asked him to hang them out to dry.. when I got in he hadn't hung anything out, instead he had done three loads of washing & left them all heaped in a basket for me to 'sort out'.

I asked him what he was doing today (not in a confrontational way, just in a 'what'd you do today, did you see anyone, any visitors? conversational way) He said he tidied up outside, kept the dog company (Please...I actually laughed at that bit!!) then went to the gym... good for him, I like him to take care of himself. I just wish he had washed a cup or hung the washing out!!

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that he cooks & also that he takes good care of the kids & seems to enjoy spending time with them... I just wish that it didn't mean I had to spend all evening (having worked to 7pm tonight) doing dishes, sorting uniform and generally tidying the rooms that he let the kids loose in (The ones I tidied at the weekend!!)

VinegarTits Mon 22-Sep-08 21:53:45

Arf at 'keeping the dog company'

H must think cooking cancels out everything else hmm

WallOfSilence Mon 22-Sep-08 21:58:50

Oh yes and then he informed me that he didn't put the ironing away (as he told me last night to leave it & he would do it today) as I was the one who left it there so I could put it away.

In the end I told him to fu%k off out of my sight before I got angry.

For God sake, he's 33 years old!! We've been married 11 years, you'd think by now he would know the wrong things to say to me!!

2beornot2be Tue 23-Sep-08 12:32:19

Have you talked to him about this??? Why not explain to him how you feel and say your grateful for all he does but could he help out a little more with dishes etc

hecate Tue 23-Sep-08 12:35:04

Why not make a list of everything that needs doing in a house. Add your jobs. Then put a line down a piece of paper.

On his side will be -

job
cooking dinner

on your side will be
job
cleaning
washing
ironing
tidying
etc etc etc

Then shove it under his nose and ask him how he thinks that's fair!

MarlaSinger Tue 23-Sep-08 12:37:12

Roffle at keeping the dog company

God I'd love to only cook the evening meal every day. My DP does a lot actually and he is the one to usually cook, but that's not all he does.

Can you get a cleaner in?

nickytwotimes Tue 23-Sep-08 12:37:18

YANBU.
That is not a fair division of labour.
Ask him to swap your household jobs for a week and see how he gets on...

Iklboo Tue 23-Sep-08 12:38:59

He is a man. He probably thinks that not taking a poo on your living room carpet and wiping his knob on your curtains qualifies him for a medal.
DH and I had a row about this on holiday - I put half packed suitcase full of my clothes on his side of the bed for him to pack his things. He just moved it off the bed and asked when I was finishing packing.
Turns out (apparently) that I have to specifically ask him to do something as he can't take the hint/make a reasoned leap of thought to do something on his own initiative

hecate Tue 23-Sep-08 12:41:10

I blame the mothers who don't train their boys and therefore the adult male expects the closest creature with boobs to take care of anything home related. grin

nickytwotimes Tue 23-Sep-08 12:41:56

PMSL Iklboo - not that you're bitter!

fryalot Tue 23-Sep-08 12:44:49

hang on, hang on, hang on... why are you grateful that he cooks and likes his children?

You both work full time, you should both be responsible for looking after the house. You should not be grateful for every little thing he does, he is not doing it for you, as a favour!!!

grr!

YANBU

Iklboo Tue 23-Sep-08 12:47:20

Bitter? Moi? grin
DH does his bit but sometimes acts like a 15 year old leaving plates in the sink etc because he 'didn't have time' to wash them in between driving lessons.
Well, if you didn;t sit on the loo for 25 minutes at a time reading comics graphic novels you would have bloody time!

ib Tue 23-Sep-08 12:52:12

Can I just stand up in his defence? (hard hat on)

Cooking every day is pretty time consuming, it can represent close to 50% of the time spent on housework, plus it requires planning it, thinking about it and so on.

Also working nights is a killer. I don't know anyone who can do a night shift, get home at stupid o'clock and be much use for anything the next day...

Give him a break....he's not doing that badly!

onepieceoflollipop Tue 23-Sep-08 12:53:58

Fully agree with Squonk. Also he is not helping out - you are (or should be) an equal partnership

The problem is (ime) is that sometimes we fall into bad habit/our dps fall into bad habits. The wrong time to discuss these issues is when you get in, knackered. He may then just put it down to you being tired and hence not meaning it, and nothing happens.

onepieceoflollipop Tue 23-Sep-08 12:53:59

Fully agree with Squonk. Also he is not helping out - you are (or should be) an equal partnership

The problem is (ime) is that sometimes we fall into bad habit/our dps fall into bad habits. The wrong time to discuss these issues is when you get in, knackered. He may then just put it down to you being tired and hence not meaning it, and nothing happens.

onepieceoflollipop Tue 23-Sep-08 12:56:37

ib, perhaps the op (whilst appreciating the lovely dinners) would prefer a quick meal some nights, that doesn't involve hours of preparation etc (if that is part of the issue here).

I would love to abandon cleaning loos etc in favour of hand made pasta and freshly baked cakes every night, but it's not a viable option for our family at the moment.

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