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To be sick of people judging me for my use of reins/ sling/pushchair/ twin puschair or any combination thereof.

(66 Posts)
AmIWhatAndWhy Mon 22-Sep-08 15:41:56

I have an almost two year old DD an an almost 3 year old DS, my eldest is being tested for ASD and his behaviour can be quite, erm, testing. We do not drive, through choice, and live in a second floor flat by a busy road in London.

I resent being told how I should take my children out and about by random strangers.

- Taking them both, wearing little life backpacks with 'leads' attached, to the local shop, a woman laughed at them and said they looked like dogs, she was almost hysterical and another woman in the shop agreed and said I shouldn't 'tie my children up'

- Taking them both in our tandem pushchair to central London for a full day out, I need a place for them to rest when out for so long, yet every time some twat comments on our 'tank' or tells DS he's a big boy and 'naughty mummy' not letting him walk. Not to mention the huffs and stares as I struggle on and off trains/buses.

- DD in hip sling and DS in single maclaren on the way back from preschool when he's exhausted and almost asleep 'oh that poor girl all squashed to you like that she should be walking, and he's too big to be in a pushchair, oh and you'll regret what you're doing to your back when you're my age'.

So then, And the final straw, today, DS was up until almost midnight so exhausted for preschool. I took DD to collect him in the single pushchair, we picked him up and almost as soon as I put him in it he fell asleep so I put her rein backpack on and we slowly toddled home, not really in a rush, enjoying the weather and stopping to pet cats etc. Then some random woman actually comes out of her house, in her slippers and yells 'you should buy a twin pushchair, those poor kids, look at her'. DD looked around a little alramed and I ignored her and she followed us up the road. I told her we had a twin pushchair at home, but it wasn't her business and she then told me that DS was spoilt and that I would ruin DD's legs by forcing her to walk. I was fuming but calmly told her I didn't need any parenting advice. She stood tutting as we walked away.

Why do people feel the need to comment, and why do they think they know best?

Or is it just that anyone with a child that can't wipe it's own arse is suddenly fair game for public comment and concern?

TheArmadillo Mon 22-Sep-08 15:44:47

you need to stop explaining and just yell 'fuck off you interfearing busy body'. If you don't want the kids to pick up on the bad language maybe get a large flashcard with it on instead?

OR tell em to get some manners.

BUt mostly ignore. You know you're right and that they don't know a thing. Smugness can be the way to go.

TheArmadillo Mon 22-Sep-08 15:45:03

oh and YANBU

Ashantai Mon 22-Sep-08 15:50:41

OMG how very rude of her! Some people really do have too much time on their hands shock

Ignore them m'dear and do what suits you smile

foxytocin Mon 22-Sep-08 15:50:58

do you think weaing a burkha will help them keep their noses out of your business?

I consider myself 'lucky'. I an non-white and live in officially the whitest (and one of the most deprived) Districts in England. For some reason no one has ever made comments on my parenting skills or choices but my white friends all get this done to them.

tigger32 Mon 22-Sep-08 15:52:34

Gosh, sounds like the people where you lives are quite opinionated! I would never dream of commenting on how someone gets about with their children.
I have heard a few comments lately about people using reins, but much like yourself if I didn't use them for ds2 (2) he would be off into the road, and it's unfair to expect los to sit in pushchairs all the time.
I really think it's none of anyone elses business.

noonki Mon 22-Sep-08 15:53:02

that is terrible

I remember walking past this woman in town who was holding hands with a teenage lad singing loudly -

'he is autistic, he is autistic that is why we are holding hands...'

poor woman was obvious at the end of her tether sad

MrsMattie Mon 22-Sep-08 15:56:04

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. People who bother having an opinion on these things are dreadful, boring arseholes.

MrsBates Mon 22-Sep-08 15:56:44

People are demented. You get on with it. I find the endless search for the perfect combination of transport trying enough without nutters in slippers rushing out to give their deranged opinion.

I have had the huffs and stares too, especially on the tube - sometimes people offer to help and I am almost moved to tears. I have a baby, a little boy who still needs a nap and a girl who is a great little walker but gets tired - she's 4. A day out in central London leaves me in need of a kip in the push chair myself. Tell them your children's rest is an essential part of their Olympic training schedule.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Mon 22-Sep-08 15:59:05

"Or is it just that anyone with a child that can't wipe it's own arse is suddenly fair game for public comment and concern?"

Yup. That's about it (I have a 9 year old severely autistic son) & we often provide the sideshow -plus I still use reins with him when I have his younger brothers with me, or need to use both hands and hold onto him).

I LOVE the approach of the woman you mention nonki - I might try it.

I don't know. It's hard. I still haven't really worked out a way to deal with it. I can feel myself getting arseier as ds1 gets older but I'm not sure that's the best way to deal with it.

AmIWhatAndWhy Mon 22-Sep-08 16:00:37

Oh I forgot the sympathetic, or sometimes even horrified looks from other mums who have all singing all dancing phil and teds or mountain buggys when they see our £100 graco tandem jobby.

We have better things to spend £500 on than a pushchair we use maybe three times a month thankyou very much.

Kathyis6incheshigh Mon 22-Sep-08 16:01:30

YANBU. Armadillo is spot on. You know what you're doing, they don't.

I tend to make a joke of it ('Yes, she sleeps in a kennel at home too.' etc). Also if they say something critical and you pretend to agree with them but with a touch of sarcasm ('Yes, I know, terrible mother, someone ought to call social services') there's not a lot they can say to that and it shows you don't give a sh*t.

angry at that stupid woman following you and frightening your dd, though.

slightlycrumpled Mon 22-Sep-08 16:01:34

For your sanity ignore them all.

Your children, you do know best and these people are just very rude idiots!!

My DS2 nearly 5 years old has SN, but can walk although not for long distances, will sometimes use a pushchair for long distances, and I push him along with my head held high! Stuff 'em.

AmIWhatAndWhy Mon 22-Sep-08 16:01:38

But thanks, I know I'm not unreasonable. I'm just, infuriated.

claireybee Mon 22-Sep-08 16:04:04

I've had similar comments from strangers, mainly regarding my sling use but I think foxy has a point, dh is African and people I know but not well (eg people at toddler groups) seem to assume that any strange parenting behaviour is down to that!

AmIWhatAndWhy Mon 22-Sep-08 16:05:41

I can imagine you need to have you head held high, I can see DS needing a pushchair for much longer than the judging public deems acceptable and I too will develop those balls of steel. Why would anyone expect you to make a child suffer because they ignorantly deem them 'too big for a pushchair' ?

Gah I'm annoyed, I may need to go make play do, always therapeutic.

slightlycrumpled Mon 22-Sep-08 16:07:41

grin I sense the play doh's gonna get it this afternoon!

MrsBates Mon 22-Sep-08 16:13:41

claireybee - yeah those crazy Africans keeping their babies warm and close. Why don't they put them out in the garden in the rain like normal people?

I wish I knew how to wrap a cloth like that but even my shoelaces come undone every five minutes so I don't trust myself.

OneBoyOneGirl Mon 22-Sep-08 16:15:37

YANBU - IMO the pushchair is not for the benefit of the child, it is for the benefit of the parents, to make their lives easier, otherwise everyone would just be carrying their LO's. I know they should be encouraged to walk in certain situations but if your busy and if it makes your life easier and having them on reins, pushchair or whatever then go for it and sod everyone else.

OneBoyOneGirl Mon 22-Sep-08 16:17:21

sorry skim read the post, so glad nobody has spoken to me like that when struggling with DD and DS - don't think i'd have been able to hold it together! What a cow.

Megglevache Mon 22-Sep-08 16:19:19

God you have met some rude people on your travels. No wonder you are grumpy.

wotulookinat Mon 22-Sep-08 16:29:16

Gosh I can't believe that so many people would comment. How nosy!
I have a friend who still uses a pushchair for her daughter at 4 years old and it is nobody's business but theirs. She does get funny looks - especially as her daughter is very tall and looks more like 7 than four! But still, nobody else's business. Ignore the nosy old goats!

bloomingfedup Mon 22-Sep-08 16:31:26

Why respond. Ignore and carry on with your day.grin

claireybee Mon 22-Sep-08 16:33:28

LOL MrsBates, mil tried to teach me to tie him on properly with a shawl because she thought the wrap was too complicated but he just kept sliding down-she concluded that I don't have the right physique (no boobs) to carry him the traditional way and allowed me to continue with my wrap sling!

onebatmother Mon 22-Sep-08 16:39:49

Sorry, I'm a bit confused. You seem to be addressing me as though I asked for your opinion. But I didn't, did I? Oh good, I thought I was going mad there for a minute <big relieved smile, march smartly off>

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