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friend or not?

(11 Posts)
susia Sun 21-Sep-08 23:02:56

I went out with exP for 10 years. We split up because although I loved him deeply, we were incompatible in many, many ways. I spent a long, long time agonising over ending it. It was really hard for me as well as him as I knew I might never find anyone like him, still loved and fancied him.

But he took alot of drugs, we were always in debt and I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life like that.

I was close friends with someone and her and her boyfriend and us would often meet up. However, many times her boyfriend made a pass at me which I always rebuffed and I suspect she knew about it although I didn't mention it.

When I split up with my ex and let her know I was upset about it she said that he seemed he was 'having the best summer ever', 'hard to imagine you two ever being together', 'seems so much happier now'.

That was the end of the friendship as far as I was concerned. Why would she have done that? I understand about her boyfriend, but nothing ever came from me and they split up in the end. She acted as though my ex was so much happier without me when in fact it was hard for both of us.

susia Sun 21-Sep-08 23:04:23

do you think she was trying to be hurtful?

iambored Sun 21-Sep-08 23:11:03

I think she was trying to be hurtful and saying those things deliberately

Onestonetogo Sun 21-Sep-08 23:14:16

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susia Sun 21-Sep-08 23:14:25

we'd been friends for years so it was not nice. Either she thought I had really hurt him and deserved it or thought it was true in which case it still wasn't nice. I didn't want him to be suffering but to say it was hard to imagine us ever being together after knowing us together for 10 years doesn't seem nice does it?

UniversallyChallenged Sun 21-Sep-08 23:17:38


susia Sun 21-Sep-08 23:17:49

no she wasn't supportive really. I said once when another friend had split up from an ex who she bought a house with that I empathised with her as had just split up etc and she said 'well its hardly the same thing as you never owned a house together' though we did live together.

Her ex could never have said that I flirted. It was totally one sided and had been for years even before either her or I met at least 10 years earlier. I never, ever fancied him and he pursued me for years. I thought she was mad going out with him although never said anything.

Onestonetogo Sun 21-Sep-08 23:43:20

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Whoopee Mon 22-Sep-08 12:01:23

How did she say it? I ask because my good friends said that kind of thing to me - but in reassurance - after I split with my ex many years ago.

I had finished with him and I was feeling guilty over breaking his heart, and it made me glad to hear from the people who saw him socially that he was having a brilliant time, meeting lovely women, going to great parties and feeling free and happy again. Now we've both moved on and are able to be friends again without any bad feeling.

It's hard to tell out of context whether your 'friend' meant to make you feel better or worse.

But if you told her you were feeling miserable because you missed him then I agree with everyone else, she's a tactless cow. wink

GrapeJelly Mon 22-Sep-08 13:41:46


Troutpout Mon 22-Sep-08 13:44:04


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