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to want some space away from the woman who introduced me to my boyfriend?

(35 Posts)
Chandra Sun 21-Sep-08 22:34:22

I know, I know, I should be grateful... They are very good friends and I'm the new one in the picture (well not so new, we have been together for 5 months now).

The thing is that when she wants to go out she first rings me to see if we want to go out, and if I say no, then she rings my boyfriend to ask what does he think.

Last week was particularly annoying as boyfriend and I had a major fell out, so I mentioned we were going to talk that afternoon and we needed some space.

half an hour before meeting with him she rang to say she was in the neighbourhood and wnated to come and join us. I insisted that we needed to be on our own, then while we were talking she rang him to see if she can come around... (WTF?)

The thing is we have very little time on our own, when we are not busy with our respective children, and I am starting to resent to have her around every single night that we could be alone. I understand they are friends but then... is it correct to ask me if I want to go to dance, and then when I say no, for her to try to convince my boyfriend to go with her???

anyfucker Sun 21-Sep-08 22:36:39

ewwww, toxic female friend

she needs to back off, but I think your dp needs to do it

anyfucker Sun 21-Sep-08 22:37:14

ewwww, toxic female friend

she needs to be told to back off, but I think your dp needs to do it

anyfucker Sun 21-Sep-08 22:37:40

oops sorry, double post

StayFrosty Sun 21-Sep-08 22:45:19

It was very rude of her to invite herself to intrude when she knew you needed coupley time. Is she carrying a torch for him do you think?

Chandra Sun 21-Sep-08 22:53:47

Torch? no, I wouldn't think so.

However, this afternoon she went on and on on how well she knew my exH, that she had danced with him, that he was now in love with this girl who is not only beautiful but young... TBH I have such a good relationship with exH and this girl that I would be happy if they ended up together but I resent to be told this in that way, it seems she is fishing for a jealous reaction from myself, in front of boyfriend, even when I have tried to make clear again and again that I would be happy if exH and this young and beautiful girl were together.

Arghhh...

Chandra Sun 21-Sep-08 23:26:54

..

Aero Sun 21-Sep-08 23:36:09

YANBU. Tricky one though. I think it should come from your boyfriend too. Sounds like a gentle hint might not be enough though. Is she jealous of your relationship perhaps? Is she not in a relationship herself?

Sorry - not much help am I?

Nice to see you posting though Chandra - haven't seen you on here for ages. smile

TwoMore Mon 22-Sep-08 15:36:05

Everytime she does it say to your boyfriend something along the lines of 'o no, now we cant do that >insert tempting sex act here< I had in mind, never mind, she is a nice friend isnt she.

She sounds as if she has an agenda, be very wary and careful of her.

TheNaughtiestGirlKeepsaSecret Mon 22-Sep-08 16:30:55

I think she likes him herself. I once met a boyfriend though a friend. All her loyalties seemed to lie with him. She seemed to become MORE friendly with him after I got together with him. She had kissed him once years ago but that was it. When we split up it was horrendous. She believed every word he said and wouldn't listen to me and treated me like a mad woman to be avoided. They were welcome to eachother at that point.

FranSanDisco Mon 22-Sep-08 16:39:58

Oh I can relate to this. I once had a really good friend who introduced me to her cousin. He moved in with me and she drove us mad with her constant ringing and organising nights out. We wanted nights in actually as the romance was young grin. During this time she suddenly became very needy and dependent on us both and treated him as her protective big brother (he was younger). Eventually she met someone herself, married and moved abroad. I broke up with the cousin but your post has brought back all sorts of memories and emotions.

hecate Mon 22-Sep-08 16:42:00

I think she's jealous.

2beornot2be Mon 22-Sep-08 16:50:39

Give her a kick lol She sounds like she is jealous and is trying to make u jealous ignore her and if she is around drop comments like 3s a crowd or say to ur DP I cant wait to get u to bed later etc or invite someone else along make it a foursome and if ur out sneak off with DP when she is busy

Chandra Mon 22-Sep-08 20:35:09

Well, he has gone dancing with her... so added to the fact that I think I'm walking over eggshells because everything irritates him, that I feel my needs come after everyone else's, and that he had been sulking about something since yesterday morning that he was not prepared to discuss with me as he didn't want to do it while was angry... well I have had a very bad day yesterday and today wondering what on Earth I had done, thinking he was going to finish, thae he was unhappy, that x y and z so....... after he refused to talk to me again because he had to go dancing I have called it a day.

I supose it will hurt like hell for a couple of weeks but then, I was not liking the direction things were taking so, in the end it will e for the better.

Chandra Mon 22-Sep-08 20:40:40

BTW he was furious because I dared to suggest another route to get to a place... Beggars belief...

Chandra Mon 22-Sep-08 20:41:12

BTW he was furious because I dared to suggest another route to get to a place... Beggars belief...

QueenBhannae Mon 22-Sep-08 20:52:37

Pah! Leave them to it. You are better off without either from what you say.
He seems childish and wuld irritate the hell out of me being sulky and controlling when to have conversations and she is a sneaky underhanded disgrace.

smile

anyfucker Mon 22-Sep-08 21:00:10

Do you mean you have finished the relationship.

I am sorry chandra. sad

hecate Mon 22-Sep-08 21:03:59

You've ended it? Probably for the best tbh. And his response to you ending things is to go dancing with her? I think that's all the info you need, isn't it? If he was committed to being your partner, he wouldn't have chosen a night out with another woman instead of trying to work things out. Must hurt like hell, but better out now than a year or two down the line when your feelings would probably have been stronger and you'd feel you'd invested too much to simply walk away.

Chandra Mon 22-Sep-08 21:08:50

Every one of your words is perfectly right. That's exactly how I feel, if he preffers to do that rather than sort something that has been hurting like hell for 2 days, well... it didn't look promising, did it?

Chandra Mon 22-Sep-08 21:10:54

Btw, please don't think I did it in the spur of the moment, I have been thinking about it for a week already. Actually I was going to end up the relationship a week ago but then we talked, but then he has been more sensitive than ever this week... so there. Hurts like hell though... but it would have been worse if I had continued.

wabbit Mon 22-Sep-08 21:14:51

how long had you been together Chandra?

Chandra Mon 22-Sep-08 21:18:01

5 months

Chandra Mon 22-Sep-08 21:19:08

a very intense 5 months...

wabbit Mon 22-Sep-08 21:24:07

this friend of yours and his sounds smothering... what does your chap think about her?
I've been with my lovely bf for only 8 months and in the first couple of months of our relationship I broke off with a toxic friend as she was acting jealous and insinuating that we'd not last and that she thought he'd wanted to date her???

I'm sorry that you're hurting... wouldn't want you to feel that things would have been different if she hadn't been around

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