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To not give my DD a dummy?

(33 Posts)
chloemegjess Sun 21-Sep-08 16:03:19

Hi. DD is 8.5months old and will have a new brother or sister in April. I childmind a 15 month old who has a dummy. DD has never had one, was offered one when tiny but didnt take to it (was BF until 2 weeks ago). Sbe now is constantly on a mission to get his dummy! She will take it out of his mouth or off the floor and put it in her mouth.

DH, Mum, MIL, SIL all think I should start DD on a dummy and hope it makes her sleep better. I feel that she is too old to start now and by the time she gets attched to it, it will be time to take it off her. And I hate seein babies walking round with Dummies in their mouths.

They all seem to think I am being "mean" and should give it to her to help her get used to the new baby. She already has a comfort toy thing she goes to bed with or has when she is upset.

AIBU?

RubyRioja Sun 21-Sep-08 16:08:10

Of course not.
Do what you think is best.

fwiw I fould mine only started at 1 y when they stopped bf and it was useful for sleeptime. Also much easier to get rid of than a thumb.

Up to you!

chloemegjess Sun 21-Sep-08 16:11:29

She does suck her thumb already! Didn't think of that!

Bluebutterfly Sun 21-Sep-08 16:14:57

I gave my ds a dummy when he was a couple of weeks old) - he was on the breast 24 hours a day and I was quite raw and bloody (sorry if tmi).

I wouldn't have given him one if I had felt I had a better option. I personally think it is insane to suggest it is a good idea to give one to a much older child!

Ds (now very dummy-free and almost 4 years old) did not sleep better at 8 months because he had a dummy. In fact, whenever it fell out of his mouth while he was sleeping he would wake up crying to have it back.

Ignore everyone else and follow your intuition. You sound sensible to me!

RubyRioja Sun 21-Sep-08 16:18:34

I believe thumb amputation is frowned upon grin

KatieDD Sun 21-Sep-08 16:20:05

But if she's just stopped breast feeding maybe she still needs the comfort of sucking, you might not like the look of it but if it's a genuine physical need then is it fair to stop her when she's already missing the boob ?

mamachat Sun 21-Sep-08 16:24:39

I do not think it is a good idea to give an 8 month old a dummy, especially if she sucks her thumb and has a comfort toy, and i cannot see why on earth that would help her deal with a new baby coming...

I always wished my dd had a dummy who is now 14months and the only thing she had as a comforter was my breast up untill weds when i stopped bf...

giving a little baby a dummy is fine but why give it to an loder baby - sounds crazy...

chloemegjess Sun 21-Sep-08 16:25:15

Katie - but she has her thumb to suck and still has bottles?

chloemegjess Sun 21-Sep-08 16:26:26

mama - thats what I think! It wouldn't bother me if she Still had a dummy but to start just seems silly?

KatieDD Sun 21-Sep-08 16:28:17

You don't want her sucking her thumb, that will be a much harder habit to break.
Bottles might not be enough, don't know how often she breast feed but mine had less bottles than boob.
I always think that if it's not harming them and they want it then why not ? She won't be going to school with a dummy and she's only a little baby, she is really young.

ethanchristopher Sun 21-Sep-08 16:40:41

i think shes probably taking the dummy cause she's jelous

i think you should get her a special toy or something but not a dummy

yanbu

TheHedgeWitch Sun 21-Sep-08 16:54:40

Message withdrawn

chloemegjess Sun 21-Sep-08 16:56:14

She already has a special toy that she uses for comfort.

Katie - she is already in the habit of sucking her thumb. She has don't it for months

Bluebutterfly Sun 21-Sep-08 16:57:46

Katie - my ds starting sucking his thumb aged three after he gave up a dummy. Was I supposed to let him use the dummy til he was 4,5 or 6? So, I still think that giving a dummy at 8 months does not make any sense. The worst of the "comfort" sucking is passed once they are no longer newborn babies. I should have taken ds's dummy away much much earlier than almost three, with hindsight.

Btw many 8 month olds will put anything interesting in their mouths - I wouldn't see dummy snatching as anything more profound than a bit of normal curiosity...

BouncingTurtle Sun 21-Sep-08 16:57:53

Funnily enough, one of my friends' babies, who is a month older than my ds was doing the dummy stealing trick, yet his mum tried and failed to introduce a dummy!

You know what's best for your ds, it is pointless introducing a dummy at his age!

juuule Sun 21-Sep-08 17:26:25

Some of mine started having a dummy at 12m+ once they had stopped bf-ing. They did get a lot of comfort from it particularly when getting off to sleep.
Just like your dd, chloe, one took the baby's dummy and wanted to use that, so we gave her one of her own.
Dummies have never been a problem for me. If the baby/child wanted one then we let them have one. Some have had dummies and some haven't. They grow out of them.
You might want to discourage your dd from having a dummy but if she is persistent and is sucking her thumb anyway then I can't see the problem in letting her have her own.

chloemegjess Sun 21-Sep-08 17:45:23

Juuule - How many children do you have? You sound like you have hundreds! Lol

Peachy Sun 21-Sep-08 17:50:55

I'd echo juule.

Indeed with the current cot death info am more inclined towards them than not now- bizarre as ds4 is the first not to have one (but his choice, have tried)

ds3 started at @ 2 after taking one at te childminders, he did get comfort from it so we were ok with it

imananny Sun 21-Sep-08 18:00:17

i personally hate dummies and much prefer thumbs, dummies fall out in the night, the child wakes up and then cant find it and cant go back to sleep

also children with dummies seem to have them in a lot of the time, ie when playing, if you do use a dummy then only use at sleep time/to soothe if unhappy

but if you did give a baby a dummy to help settle/soothe them, the dummy really needs to be taken away at about 6mths and def no later than 12mths before they get too attached to it at sleep time

if your dd doesnt have a dummy, please dont give her one now at 8mths, maybe the mum of your cm charge needs to start to wean her child off their one

though do agree thats stats now say there is less risk of cot death with a dummy, so a difficult choice, but imo as a professional nanny, dont give your 8.5mths baby one

but in the end, you have to do what works best for you and your daughter xx

pooka Sun 21-Sep-08 18:16:57

If I were you I would see if her having a dummy helped her sleep and was a preferable (to her) means of comfort to her thumb/comforter.

I really really used to hate them. But then I am not my children and they are not me. But in the long run I am glad that neither of them sucked their thumbs, because I understand that that is a more difficult habit to break.

juuule Sun 21-Sep-08 18:18:23

imananny - although you personally hate dummies that doesn't necessarily make it a bad idea for the op to give her dd a dummy.

We found that the baby/child didn't always wake if the dummy fell out. If they did though, an older baby/child soon gets to know how to put their dummy back in theirselves.

"the dummy really needs to be taken away at about 6mths and def no later than 12mths before they get too attached to it at sleep time"
Not sure why getting attached to a dummy at sleep time is a problem so don't see why a dummy needs to be taken away at 6-12m.

"if your dd doesnt have a dummy, please dont give her one now at 8mths,"
I'm puzzled at this. Surely if it helps her dd then it seems strange to withold it.

"maybe the mum of your cm charge needs to start to wean her child off their one"

Why, if it's working for them?

"but imo as a professional nanny, dont give your 8.5mths baby one"

I still don't understand why not and am wondering what professional nannies know that parents don'twink

Agree with this,
"you have to do what works best for you and your daughter xx "

imananny Sun 21-Sep-08 18:37:06

juule - it seems weird to give a child a dummy when they are that age,as i said if a baby needs ti then not a problem and now stats say they are meant to reduce risk of cot death, but why give a baby of 8.5mths one, who has survived perfectly well without a dummy

the OP said she hates seeing children walking about with a dummy,therefore the 15mth she cms must have theirs a lot if OP DD is trying to get it out of charges mouth/off the floor etc

it is easier to take a dummy away before they are one, as bluebutterfly said, she wishes she had with hindsight taken the dummy away before her child was 3

I am also a mean nanny wink who takes bottles away at 1, child might have odd moan/upset for a day or 2 but then is happy to drink from a beaker -

again a personal hate for me is seeing older children drinking from bottles, esp juice angry which rots the teeth and then you see the teat and it is all chewed and hole massive - but thats just me

in my defense i did say that she should do what works for her daughter,but the post was that SHE doesnt want to give a dummy, but the rest of her family did

juuule Sun 21-Sep-08 18:47:35

Okay - I see your point that the op doesn't want to give her dd a dummy.

Obviously, as I have let my dc have a dummy after the age of 12m then it doesn't seem weird to me. Although I admit that I thought it a bit odd the first time a baby took the dummy off the older child.

No idea if it's easier or not to take a dummy off a younger baby as it's not something I would do. My ones who had dummies, loved them and I didn't see the need to deprive them of that.

My younger children never had a bottle at all so that was never an issue with them although my eldest dc was still having a bed-time bottle at 3yo.

Maybe I'm just a soft-touch mum wink

imananny Sun 21-Sep-08 19:00:46

nothing wrong with being a soft touch mum, you have to do what works for you and your family

parents pay me for my opinion and my advice, which i give - doesnt mean they have to listen or take it wink

i might be a fab nanny wink, but could well be the worlds softest mummy in years to come

chloemegjess Sun 21-Sep-08 19:01:40

Idon't see me giving it to her. I don't want her to have one, and I do think it is strange to give an older baby a dummy unless they really need it.

If she had taken to a dummy from birth or young age then I wouldn't be worried if she still had it now, but would ideally like them gone by 12 months so I don't really see the point in giving one now.

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