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I think DH has been selfish this morning, he doesn't - surprise.

(25 Posts)
everlong Sun 21-Sep-08 13:49:43

Have calmed down a lot now but this morning I was sooooooo mad with DH.

Ok I'm just having a moan I know.

I'll set the scene: DH has a hobby ( mountain biking ) which he does 2-3 times a week for around 4 hours. He spends a lot of time pottering around with his bike ie washing, fixing it too. This is fine, I have no problem with it at all.

Yesterday he went out all morning for a ride, whilst I took the ds's for their haircut, washed the car, tidied up etc.

I asked him to cut the grass in the afternoon as it was dry and his reply was that he couldn't be bothered. OK.

Anyway last night I said I would like a run out as a family today to the coast ( just over an hours drive ) He never ever wants to go as he cannot stand the place, it's a sleepy old seaside place, but the kids would have enjoyed it for a change.

On a normal day out we go to the Lake District, this is to appease DH, he's outdoorsy and likes it up there, it's very nice but we were only there 2 weeks ago fgs.

Anyway this morning, he was huffing and puffing saying he would rather not go as the grass needed cutting.

We have had a huge row because I called him selfish as he's done what he wants to do this weekend ( out on the bike ) but whenever I take the lead he always poo poos it.

He says I'm being the spoilt brat because we didn't go to the seaside.

Don't get me wrong he is a sweetie normally, but if he doesn't want to do something he's a pig.

Am I being unreasonable?

differentID Sun 21-Sep-08 13:56:55

most definitely not. If you wanted to be unreasonable, sell his bike and tell him he can forget about the biking until he pulls his finger out and does his share with the family and house. Alternatively, reverse the car over the bike.

SmugColditz Sun 21-Sep-08 13:57:32

no you're not.

LazyLinePainterJane Sun 21-Sep-08 14:02:57

YANBU, you have been extremely accommodating wrt his hobby and now you are asking if you can have a family day trip? Miserable fucker, go without him, have a great time and leave him to mow the grass.

compo Sun 21-Sep-08 14:04:21

why didn't you go without him?

RubySlippers Sun 21-Sep-08 14:06:25

there is nothing wrong with hobbies

but everyone should have time to do the things they want

and family time shouldn't be compromised

YANBU

and as Compo says, i would have shoved the kids in the car and gone on to the seaside

crokky Sun 21-Sep-08 14:09:22

Would definately go without him.

DH putting his crap first has resulted in me taking kids to Thomasland and Longleat without him. His loss.

VinegarTits Sun 21-Sep-08 14:09:34

Compo - I think she didnt go on her own because she wanted to go as a family, and for her dh not to think about himself for a change, and do something the dc might enjoy smile

YANBU, he is being very selfish

unknownrebelbang Sun 21-Sep-08 14:12:51

YANBU.

And whilst I'm sure everlong is quite capable of taking her DC out by herself, I think she expected DH to want to spend some time with his family.

babymt Sun 21-Sep-08 14:14:28

Thank god I'm not alone!! I jokily refer to myself as a cycling widow as dh seems to be spending so much time cycling at the mo including weekends which I think should be equal time.

He is doing a charity cycle ride so I can't overly complain. And he says I'm welcome to go out whenever I want and its not his fault I a. haven't got anywhere to go b. anyone to go with or c. the inclination as I'm pregnant and exhausted.

Anyway no YANBU. Going out at weekends should be an equal decision. If you got to lake district one weekend then the next you should get to choose where you all go. Its only fair.

everlong Sun 21-Sep-08 15:21:51

Ok, feeling a bit better now as he's apologised and made me a cup of tea.

Don't want to make out I am the hard done to wife as I'm not, but then neither his he.

He has a nice little weekend booked next month ( mountain biking ) and has just booked a week next Easter in Spain on a guided tour mountain bike trip with his buddies.

Think a spa weekend with friends is in order!

Oh the reason I didn't take the kids on my own is that it would have suited him, a day of peace and quiet in front of the tv!

I just wanted a day out together, no big deal.

moondog Sun 21-Sep-08 15:26:37

No, don't go without him, it allows him to wriggle out of his responsibilities.
What is wrong with these blokes who don't want to be with their families and babuies??

VinegarTits Sun 21-Sep-08 15:38:44

Blimey, hes getting all that time to himself and he cant even spend one day out with you and the kids!

Slash his tyres.

moondog Sun 21-Sep-08 15:40:45

does he spend 4 hours each time he goes out, ie 2/3 times a week . in other words 12 hours a week.

everlong Sun 21-Sep-08 17:02:35

Yes, he's out at weekend and 2 nights a week.

moondog Sun 21-Sep-08 17:32:16

jesus!

UnquietDad Sun 21-Sep-08 17:35:28

Do you have a hobby or favourite leisure activity? If so how does the time he spends on his compare with the time you spend on yours?

Klaw Sun 21-Sep-08 17:36:53

YANBU, And no I wouldn't have gone on my own either as I'm sick fed up being alone with kids. Hurts when you see other families put together

BABYMT <<waves frantically>>

yomellamoHelly Sun 21-Sep-08 17:59:36

Invest in a padlock. Next time this happens lock up his bike. Leave him to "mow the lawn" and disappear or the day! (Only joking - but it would hit home!) I'd have been fuming too.

Judy1234 Sun 21-Sep-08 19:01:19

You need to ensure you spend the same amount of time on your hobby per week as he does and that he often has sole care of the children for a day at weekends whilst you're pursuing it, never mind the family outings.

UnquietDad Sun 21-Sep-08 19:31:05

Be honest, you wouldn't want him not to have a hobby. People with no interests outside work and family are dull. So the issue is not the hobby, but how much time he spends on it. You just need to sit down and agree what is a reasonable amount of time per week to devote to it.

The occasional weekend surely won't hurt. (Some men go off the football every Saturday rain or shine, after all - no questions asked. My DW wouldn't put up with that and I suspect nor would you.)

PinkyDinkyDooToo Sun 21-Sep-08 20:28:54

YANBU. The coast was for the enjoyment of the chidren and it shouldn't matter if its not his thing. He should enjoy it just by seeing his DC enjoy it

everlong Sun 21-Sep-08 20:59:18

UnquietDad, my dh does go out every Sat or Sun morning come rain or shine and then a couple of evenings a week too.

I don't have a problem with this, just think that he could have shown a little more interest in something that I wanted to do.

To answer the question regarding if I have any hobbies, well the answer is no, in short.

I am out a couple of evenings a week running ds to different clubs and feel if I were to add another evening on for myself then dh and I would never see each other.

Yes I'm a martyr I know!!wink

Judy1234 Sun 21-Sep-08 21:50:13

So what about you being out every Saturday aftenroon, shopping, gym, running etc and he has the children as a reasonable swap?

Anifrangapani Sun 21-Sep-08 21:54:02

I find adjusting the gears so they get chain suck or some other minor, but truly irritating problem with the bike puts them off going out so often..... wink

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