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To not want DH's family to come to DD's birthday

(15 Posts)
Lowfat Fri 19-Sep-08 23:22:28

They (MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL & 2xDN's)have all moved miles away (over 3 hour journey) but have decided to come and see DD on her birthday as it is on a Sunday - lovely gesture considering the childrens birthdays are the only time we all get together. But have dropped so many hints that it is not convenient to come on her actual birhday but perhaps weekend before or after instead - all of which have fallen on deaf ears.

Told my SIL that we are having open house for friends on DD's actual birthday as she is having a small party elsewhere for school friends the day before.

SIL then said if they come up they want to go out for lunch with us - bang goes my open house theory plan.

So have planned a party, but with all our friends and their children, not to mention a couple of DD's best friends who could'nt get to the day before I have over 30 people coming to the house. Its just a 3 bed semi, and it will probably rain!!

As well as BIL, SIL and DN's staying the night before. SIL has now said they will be leaving about 4 due to traffic and journey but want's her DC's to be at party.

So going out for lunch and a party before 4pm....what the hell am I supposed to do in terms of when to have the party and time to clear furniture and make food etc...

Am so cross that their complete refusal to see it is not convenient, I feel it is in danger of spoiling whole day. And I will probably now just stomp about feeling put-upon instead of enjoying the day and spoiling DD.

mazzystar Fri 19-Sep-08 23:30:50

YABU to not want them to come
But as you have made plans - as you obviously would have, what with it being your daughter's birthday, they will have to fit in with them. Just go ahead as planned. Do not get riled.

PotPourri Fri 19-Sep-08 23:34:32

I would go ahead as planned. But I have to say, for goodness sake get your DH to just tell them how it is going to be. It is not fair for you to have to politely tell them not to come on that day.

thumbwitch Fri 19-Sep-08 23:36:06

YANBU but you have to stand up for yourself and tell them that lunch out is simply not an option for you as you have other plans.

If they want to come and fit around your plans that is one thing but they can't expect to (and you must NOT let them) dictate how you run your day. Next time you speak to them say how lovely it is of them to want to come and help you set up for the party; this will achieve one of a few things:
1) they will come later to avoid helping
2) they will change when they come
3) they will come and sit around being useless
4) they might actually lend a hand!

Remember whose day it is, do what you feel is best for her, and remind them as well.

mazzystar Fri 19-Sep-08 23:41:51

It goes something like this

" You can come that weekend - that's lovely! DD will be thrilled to have her cousins at her party. We will have quite a house full on Sunday. Maybe we could go out for an early supper on Saturday night as we can't do lunch on Sunday. It will be great to have some extra help with the party. When will will you get here?"

Lowfat Fri 19-Sep-08 23:43:35

I do like that they want to come, but her birthday weekend is not the best time. I have suggested both weekends before and after - but to no avail

And because they will be staying I will be restricted as to when I can get in to my bedroom where all the presents and goodies are stored.

And I will chasing 4 children and 5 adults out of my way as I shift furniture, preapre food, blow up balloons etc instead of the usual 2.4 children (DD, DS and DH) hmm

Lowfat Fri 19-Sep-08 23:45:11

cant do early supper mazzystar - dont think it did;nt cross my mind.

But DD's school friend party is 3-5 and they wont be arriving till evening as SIl has to work on Saturday.

It's just going to be a big, big mess

thumbwitch Fri 19-Sep-08 23:46:45

no no no - you have got this all wrong - if they are going to be there, MAKE THEM HELP. If they won't help, send them out the house.

And it's going to be up to them how long they stay for the party - if you start it at 2/2:30, then they'll be there for a substantial part of it before they have to leave at their self-imposed time.

Please, please don't let them rule the roost in YOUR house.

YeSaltySlurDog Fri 19-Sep-08 23:48:48

Okay.

Send them out. Let them take dd out for a treat at park.

Empty the housse of people for at least hour or two before and then organise yourself.

Do most things before they get there, save a couple of easy jobs for them to include them, then send them out.

Everyone happy (except you who is overworked but hey such is nature of birthdays wink)

Lowfat Fri 19-Sep-08 23:51:17

Wow an empty house while I prepare for a party - sounds like heaven -and a plan!!

I can just hear the Mamma Mia soundtrack on the higest volume as I hoover and make breadstick wands

YeSaltySlurDog Fri 19-Sep-08 23:51:18

If they stay...
Give them jobs. Very very specific jobs.

One to sit and monitor craft table.

One to stand in garden and check on bubble machine.

One to do face painting.

One to put music on.

YeSaltySlurDog Fri 19-Sep-08 23:52:27

Yes YES lowfat.

Sell it to them, oh lovely you can ALL go to lunch/park/anything and have a lovely time! NOW GO!!!!!

<cue music> grin

mazzystar Fri 19-Sep-08 23:54:00

ok then as below except without the supper. kids to bed then you grown ups share a nice take-away.
i think you have to chill a little
get it out of your head that they will be dictating to you
so what if there's a few more people, it will be fine, they will either help [grandfathers and uncles are made for shifting sofas and blowing up balloons] or send them all out for a walk or to take the kids to the park for the morning.

do party earlier than two or they will be trying to squeeze in lunch as well which would be even more stressful.

its really lovely for your dd to have her gps etc for her party - focus on that.

oh and i wouldn't give them my bedroom

thumbwitch Fri 19-Sep-08 23:54:03

ooh, YSSlurD; just had the "I will survive" soundtrack pop up in my head after reading your post grin

Lowfat Fri 19-Sep-08 23:54:46

DD will probably want to stay as even at just nearly 5 her and me do a fab Dancing Queen set grin.

And DS is a mummies boy so he will stay and dance with his sister.

Oh well if it just gets DH out from under my feet - he likes to play on the swings anyway wink

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