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Am I being unreasonable to expect him to look after kids tho' he hates it?

(35 Posts)
TJRS Fri 19-Sep-08 19:44:44

I work part time, my DP is out of work, so 3 days a week he takes kids to school and picks them up again, does tea etc. He hates it - says his life has gone - says he's not a ****housewife. This has gone on for a year and it is the source of recurrent rows. There could be at a real stretch money to pay for more childcare (I already pay a childminder to cover the gap between end of nursery and end of school) but it would be difficult and it would mean him doing less to help, when he's doing little else with his days anyway. I miss my kids dreadfully when at work and would love to swap positions but DP hasn't ever even looked for work and just puts up all sorts of excuses. I feel we have reached a complete impasse and I can never tell when he's going to stop/sulk about it and its like walking on eggshells. I would really appreciate all thoughts and advice - well and truely stuck.

Pennies Fri 19-Sep-08 19:47:27

Assuming they're his children too then YANBU. No constructive advice I'm afraid but I can thnk of a few choice descriptions if that makes you feel any better?

TJRS Fri 19-Sep-08 19:48:43

Yes - they're definitely his...The choice descriptions thoughts have helped already - thank you.

2point4kids Fri 19-Sep-08 19:51:29

God he sounds like an utter twat.

If I were you I'd say to him that he either gets a job and you look after the kids or he looks after the kids while you work.

Where does he think the money will come from for extra childcare if he refuses to watch the kids and wont get a job? Is he thick?

SazzlesA Fri 19-Sep-08 19:52:08

Message withdrawn

muggglewump Fri 19-Sep-08 19:52:18

Of course YANBU.
They are his children, and his to look after as much as they are yours. You work for the household and family so surely his job is to look after the children, and not in a job/employee type way either, as a parent.

expatinscotland Fri 19-Sep-08 19:52:54

what are you doing with this loser?

you might be better off financially as a single parent.

BecauseImWorthIt Fri 19-Sep-08 19:53:44

And he is your DP why, exactly?

lazyhen Fri 19-Sep-08 19:54:58

Perhaps there is an underlying identity crisis that he needs to broach. I think after a year a bit of tough love wouldn't be unreasonable. Are you able to sit down and discuss it rationally, and about hopes/plans for the future?

Megglevache Fri 19-Sep-08 19:56:19

Oh good lord I have heard it all now. Let me get this right, you are busting a gut to pay for him and you miss your children and he is telling you to get extra childcare as he wants to do less.

Truly shock I feel for you, I really do.

Have you spoken to him about going back to work? Do you think he may have a confidence problem/be depressed????

nzshar Fri 19-Sep-08 19:56:58

What a twat. If he feels that way then go out and get a bloody job! And tell him to GROW UP! Sorry for being harsh but what is his problem?

bumpybecky Fri 19-Sep-08 19:59:07

you are paying for a CM when he's at home not working and not looking for work? shock shock

I can believe that bit, let alone you considering paying for more childcare! Tell him to get off his arse and find work hmm

expatinscotland Fri 19-Sep-08 20:00:24

who cares if he's depressed because he obviously doesn't care enough about his family to be arsed to get any help or that.

bin him.

LaVie Fri 19-Sep-08 20:02:40


Mind you, a lot of women stay at home, take the kids to school, make them tea etc and then do bugger all else during the day and a lot of men just seem to accept that don't they?

<runs away>

georgimama Fri 19-Sep-08 20:03:57

But they have the grace not to whinge that their lives have gone, LaVie, and to act busy.

nzshar Fri 19-Sep-08 20:04:56

Just read this to my dp and he says he would swap anyday. He would love to spend more time with ds but unfortunately his wage allows us to live! I am a SAHM for now ds is off to school in the new year then off back to work for me. have loved SAHM time and wouldn't have swapped it for the world.

LaVie Fri 19-Sep-08 20:06:35

I know of at least one woman who does whinge though, she makes my blood boil! And she makes no bones about watching tv most of the day. But because she's a woman no one seems to think this is a bit off, least of all her dp. grr.

Anyway, I digress. OP, give him a kick up the arse wink

Twelvelegs Fri 19-Sep-08 20:06:45

If he doesn't want to be a fucking housewife tell him to get a job.

Trafficcone Fri 19-Sep-08 20:09:03

Ditch the dickhead and QUICKLY!!

TJRS Fri 19-Sep-08 21:05:32

You know when I see everyone's reactions it does make me think - whilst DP considers me to be completely unreasonable to think he should look after our kids when he hates doing it. He's not depressed and although he probably would find it hard to get work I don't think he's even tried just one application. Feeling rather bullied sad. Hey ho.

flourybaps Fri 19-Sep-08 21:15:49


it might not be his idea of fun, looking after the kids but they are his kids so tough shit id say. he really needs to pull his finger out and get a job, i think you must know you are not being unreasonable but just needed it confirming. hes a grown up if hes not happy in the situation he is in then he needs to sort it out and get a bloody job angry

MoChan Fri 19-Sep-08 21:21:21

I think he needs to a) start trying to find work and b) start valuing time with his children a bit more.

If he wants to not do the childcare, and if he hasn't got a job, what is he doing with all this time?

noonki Fri 19-Sep-08 21:22:05

how does he treat you and the kids?

i would be mortified if my DP didn't want to look a) for a job b) after his own kids

he sounds like a shit and a bully

poor you and you poor children, it can do them no good knowing their father doesn't want to spend time with them

hecate Fri 19-Sep-08 21:26:56

so he doesn't work outside the home, he doesn't care for the kids and he doesn't do any housework, right?

So what does he do?

I think you're his meal ticket, tbh.

elmoandella Fri 19-Sep-08 21:36:40

i cant believe your already paying for any sort of childcare while he sits around on his lazy arse and does nothing all day.

you would definately be better off financially without him.

perhaps even a temporary split till he comes to his senses and realises how lucky he had it.

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