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Am I being unreasonable to expect him to look after kids tho' he hates it?

(19 Posts)
TJRS Fri 19-Sep-08 19:44:42

I work part time, my DP is out of work, so 3 days a week he takes kids to school and picks them up again, does tea etc. He hates it - says his life has gone - says he's not a ****housewife. This has gone on for a year and it is the source of recurrent rows. There could be at a real stretch money to pay for more childcare (I already pay a childminder to cover the gap between end of nursery and end of school) but it would be difficult and it would mean him doing less to help, when he's doing little else with his days anyway. I miss my kids dreadfully when at work and would love to swap positions but DP hasn't ever even looked for work and just puts up all sorts of excuses. I feel we have reached a complete impasse and I can never tell when he's going to stop/sulk about it and its like walking on eggshells. I would really appreciate all thoughts and advice - well and truely stuck.

FairLadyRantALot Fri 19-Sep-08 19:50:13

erm...why shouldn't he look after his Kids whilest you are working and he isn't?
Why do you even pay for a childminder between nursery finish and schoolfinish?
If he was a woman it would be expected of him....He is a SAHP isn't he, effectively....it doesn't always come into teh equasion if by choice or not....

chubbymummy Fri 19-Sep-08 19:53:06

sorry but your dp sounds like a nob! I've nothing else to say really!

georgimama Fri 19-Sep-08 19:53:08

Do you really think there is any chance that anyone will think that you are being unreasonable?

Your "DP" is a twunt. End of.

tribpot Fri 19-Sep-08 19:53:20

If he doesn't want to be a ****housewife, why doesn't he get a job? He's a ****parent so his choices are: provide for his dc financially, provide for them in the form of childcare or some combination of the two. Like the rest of us.

constancereader Fri 19-Sep-08 19:55:08

Is he depressed?
That is the only excuse I can think of for his appalling attitude.

gingerninja Fri 19-Sep-08 19:55:45

Unbelievable that there are still men like this around in this day and age and that you're actually questioning whether YOU are BU. Nuts

He needs a massive dose of reality.

squigglywig Fri 19-Sep-08 19:56:18

Sorry - but how could you be being unreasonable? Presumably if roles were reversed you would look after the dcs? What does he want if he doesn't want a job and doesn't want to look after his children?

I'm bemused to say the least.

purpleduck Fri 19-Sep-08 19:57:12

Why did he lose his job?
Not being nosy, but did he lose his job suddenly? Just wondering if his confidence was knocked and he hasn't recovered...?

Or is he prone to being out of work?

Maybe he can take in some ironing...?wink

Salleroo Fri 19-Sep-08 19:58:39

You are paying for a childminder??? WTF is he doing at this time, having his nap? What a git. I'm assuming they are his children too? What a shit. Either get a job so you can be the housewife or get on with it.

On another note, it does sound like he may be depressed, worth a visit to the doc? He has no ob and is not looking for a job. Esteem at an all time low? I'm sure you appreciate all he is doing? Does he know that? Does he like the children? Get him to the docs quicksmart.

TheCrackFox Fri 19-Sep-08 20:01:13

I don't really understand what part he plays in your family. He doesn't do any paid work and anything he does at home he whinges about. Tell him to buck up his ideas or piss off.

wilkos Fri 19-Sep-08 20:02:03

what a twit. you need to lay it on the line, that its either

a) get job, stop moaning and start providing

b) if he won't do a (or at least attempt it) his job as from this point is to look after your children

c) f* off

and when you have had the conversation com back and tell us all about it grin good luck to you!

HeroicHumphreyCutlassCushion Fri 19-Sep-08 20:03:35

Does he sulk and moan when he's looking after the children?

He is possibly depressed by not having a job, and if so, he needs to see his GP.

But I would be very concerned that he is passing his dislike of doing childcare onto the children.

Does he really just take them to school, pick them up and do tea three days a week?

If so, why doesn't he get a job for the rest of the time?

I am trying to look at the situation in a charitable manner, but from your OP it sounds like your DP is a lazy, miserable, self-absorbed moaner.

imananny Sun 21-Sep-08 14:16:38

course yrnbu!!!

they are his kids as well as yours, you are working and bringing in the money, he needs to look after his children

simple as that

friad your hubby sounds a selfish twat, bit like my BF hubby - he objects to looking after his children, if my hubby calls him up for a beer, he says, with a sigh, *cant mate, got to bloody babysit - wife is out (possibly babysitting herslef to earn money** - erm no, he is looking after his children!!!

If you DP isnt looking for work, then he can look after his own children imo and be bloody grateful that you have got a job that put a roof over his head and food on his mouth etc

WorzselMummage Sun 21-Sep-08 14:43:43

He sounds liek a complete waste of space !

Tell him he's doing a shit job of being a **housewife and a piss poor job of being a **man !

Why do you put up with it ?

SmugColditz Sun 21-Sep-08 14:45:46

Why is this cocklodger still living in your house?

Janos Sun 21-Sep-08 15:43:37

"says he's not a **housewife"

Oh dear. You really are NBU at all.

What does your DP contribute - not in terms of money/bringing in work, I mean support - like housework, diy etc.

Cos reading between the lines sounds like you don't get much.

compo Sun 21-Sep-08 15:46:03

op seems to have wandered off

VinegarTits Sun 21-Sep-08 15:49:22

Tell him if he doesnt want to look after the kids he produced, theres always the door.

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