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to decline exp's offer to buy nappies and milk instead of giving me the money?

(20 Posts)
charlotte121 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:03:47

The reason i have done this is because he never gives me money and I cant risk being left without milk and nappies if im relying on him to supply them. Plus on the CSA calculator its says im entitled to £40 off of him a week and I feel that he should pay that much, not pay for the nappies and pocket the remainder of the money.
He never gives me the money im supposed to get anyway so why is it going to suddenly change if hes buying nappies instead. I think he thinks I use his money for other things.... yeah right. I never go out. I get my hair cut once in a blue moon.... my clothes.... well lets not even go there. Basicly I want the full amount of money that Im entitled to. I spend it on the kids anyway buying them clothes.
He is so unreliable and expect he would buy the cheepest version of everything even though ds cant use certain wet wipes due to his skin and I dont trust him to get the to me.
He says im out of order for doing this but he has hardly provided for either of the kids since they were born and I have learnt to cope using my money and if he gives me any then thats a bonus and means the dcs can have some new clothes or is put away for bigger purchases like cots or shoes.

thescurvysockmonsterofdoom Fri 19-Sep-08 13:05:41

he has to give it to you, none of his business what ypu do with it.

StewiesMom Fri 19-Sep-08 13:08:17

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sitdownpleasegeorge Fri 19-Sep-08 13:09:01

Absolutely decline it as he may be intending to stop paying it once the baby is out of nappies and no longer using formula.

The CSA calculator may say what you should be entitled to but getting it from your exp is another matter.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Fri 19-Sep-08 13:09:55

I was going to say why does it matter if it is what you need but if he can't be trusted to buy the right things, then he shouldn't call himself a dad.

charlotte121 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:13:33

Lol he is a total waste of space and a cheeky git at that. When ds goes to his house I have to pack everything he needs for the weekend. exp wont supply nappies or wet wipes. sometimes he even tells me to feed ds before he takes him out for the day so he doesnt have to shell out on food. I only do it because I dont trust him to not leave ds starving. And dont get me started on dd.... he doesnt even see her.

tiggerlovestobounce Fri 19-Sep-08 13:14:51

The money isnt just to pay for nappies and milk anyway. Its also for things the less tangiable costs of having a baby eg the extra heating and electricity you might use.

tamarto Fri 19-Sep-08 13:18:12

My ex was the same and said the same, i was stupid and said yes, i got one packet of nappies and a pair of plastic shoes.

Nothing else, i even paid for him to see his son hmm

But i was always in the wrong, don't do it, Just say no!

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 19-Sep-08 13:20:30

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BarbieLovesKen Fri 19-Sep-08 13:35:29

Is that £40 per child i.e. £80 per week?

VictorianSqualor Fri 19-Sep-08 13:36:47

Aren't you on benefits?
The maintenance should be being dealt with by the csa, not you.

lilysmummy2007 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:43:12

no way, dont let him buy the stuff, tell hime child support is not just nappies and milk, what about clothes, heating, electric, make sure he sets up a direct debit so thereis an official record. these slimey me make me sick, £40 to look after his child and he tries to weasel out of it!! shame on him

newforold Fri 19-Sep-08 14:21:48

If you're on benefits then the CSA have to deal with your ex and you will be allowed to keep £10 per week on top of your benefits.

bloomingfedup Fri 19-Sep-08 14:42:54

charlotte121 Fri 19-Sep-08 16:04:36

Nope not on benefits. Applied for income support for over the summer holiday and they messed the claim up and Im bk at uni in a week so there is no point in following the claim up. I get housing benefit but thats it. I havnt had a penny off of my ex for quite some time now so it wouldnt have effected the income support anyway. I get £40 in total for the 2 kids... well Im supposed to get that but it has happenened once or twice since dd was born and she is 3 months now. I will give him one more chance to get this sorted and then IM going to the csa. It would just be so simple. All he has to do is set up a direct debit into my back account and the problem would be solved but he is too stupid.

2beornot2be Fri 19-Sep-08 16:10:22

I would be careful with declining as he can use that against you and say he has offered to buy the nappies etc

Why not try giving him a list of everything your need brands and all and tell him you expect this weekly or else if he then does not provide what you require then report his arse

hifi Fri 19-Sep-08 16:33:18

why is he so controlling? £40 is fuck all contribution to bring up his kids, get him to pay it.

amethyst86 Fri 19-Sep-08 19:11:20

He is a control freak. My H used to say this to me when I told him to leave. He said I had to give him a shopping list once a week and he would do all the shopping and bring it round angry shock. As if. Don't know what to suggest to you as I still have not managed to make my h behave decently.

StewiesMom Fri 19-Sep-08 20:19:02

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random Fri 19-Sep-08 20:25:33

YANBU Get the money!

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