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To be cross with friend re weekend break??

(29 Posts)
43Today Fri 19-Sep-08 10:46:45

Rather awkward situation has just arisen about this weekend break I'm going on with 3 old friends - today!! Need some advice urgently cos I'll be seeing them all tonight.

Basically we are 4 friends who meet up once a year for a weekend on the south coast, B&B or self catering. We have all had ups and downs since we met but X in particular has had a really shit time in general, but now happier.

Anyway, I made the arrangements and had a bit of a time finding anything at short notice. Found one lovely place but lost it because X didn't get back to me in time to confirm that she liked it, price was right etc. Finally got somewhere, booked it for 3 night break (2 nights only wasn't on offer). Asked the others last week by email if anyone else was planning to stay over Sun night. 2 replied saying no, no response from X. Assumed she had read email and not answered cos sometimes she doesn't!

Anyway, plan was DP was going to come down on Sun lunchtime or pm, girlies would go home mid-pm, he and I would stay over for romantic Sun night - so he booked the Mon am off work.

Just logged in to my emails to find email from X saying how much she's looking forward to weekend and her internet's not been working so she hasn't read any of her messages til now. But she would love her and her DP to stay over sun night and would that be a problem seeing as there's only one double room?? And describing what a romantic evening she's planned with him staring into each other's eyes over a roaring log fire etc etc but if we're there too it'll mean she'll have to change her plans.. and how they don't get the opportunity to spend time away together much etc etc

Am I being unreasonable to be really pissed off with her? I mean, it would have been different if she'd said ' oh we thought we'd stay over too, don't worry we'll have a twin room since you've already arranged it all'. Instead I feel like she's trying to guilt trip me into letting them have a. the double room and b. possibly the whole place to themselves... plus I was looking forward to staring into MY DPs eyes over a roaring log fire etc!!

Grrr - so AIBU and what should I do about it?

missjennipenni Fri 19-Sep-08 10:49:45

Hmm. It does sound like she is guilt-tripping you into letting them have the place to themselves. Id just tell her your plans too, and see how she replies to it. I wouldnt just give in, without good reason.

GobbledigookisThrifty Fri 19-Sep-08 10:52:19

I'd tell her that since she hadn't got back to you, you have already made arrangements to use the room and your dh has taken time off etc. And just leave it at that, with a 'sorry about that' at the end.

Don't get into a discussion - simply state that this is what you have planned adn that's the end of it.

kslatts Fri 19-Sep-08 10:56:08

I would just email her telling her you and your dh will be using the double room on sunday night now and as he has booked time off work it can't be changed.

TheUNITUBER Fri 19-Sep-08 10:56:34

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

It's ok to be pissed off with her because she is messing you about with her disorganisation. But it is not fair to be annoyed about her making alternative plans for the double bed unless she was aware of your plans with your DH.

Have you tried responding to let her know that because she didn't reply that room has already been booked? That's what I would do.

Hassled Fri 19-Sep-08 10:56:57

Agree entirely - it's not your fault, and it shouldn't be your problem that X's internet hasn't been working. She presumably knew the weekend was happening and the telephone has actually been invented - she should have called you to confirm the details. Just tell her that as you hadn't heard from her, your DH has already booked Monday off. Don't back down - you've had a job to find anywhere, have done all teh organising and have earned that extra night.

TheUNITUBER Fri 19-Sep-08 10:58:22

Sorry, am a bit blurry today and didn't read your post properly. So she does know that you and your DH are going to be there. In which case just tell her she and her DH are welcome to stay but that the double room is booked. Tell her it's the perk of organising everything.

Beetroot Fri 19-Sep-08 10:58:25

just send an email saying that as you had not heard form hr you had assmumed she was not staying and you have already made plans

WorzselMummage Fri 19-Sep-08 10:58:38

Just say because she didnt get back to you you've had the room for yourself

43Today Fri 19-Sep-08 11:00:48

Yes that's what I would do in an ideal world if I wasn't cowardly.. Whichever way it pans out, it'll be awkward, cos we'll be spending the weekend together with me feeling like a meany.. plus I can't forbid her to stay over on Sun which means my romantic plans will be spoiled too!!

She's not well off and said that they can't afford a holiday together this year, or to pay for a 3 night break without using one of the nights..

I have to say, that although she's had a hard time I have always found her rather manipulative and I think she's trying to work her wiles on me.

Maybe me and DP should just book into another place for Sunday night and leave her to it?

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 11:03:27

Yup..tell her that arrangements have now ben made - sorry. End of story. she and her dp could have arranged a hotel for sun night if they wanted a 'romantic' night....
even if you said yes you can have the double we wil have the twin room it would still be a bit embarrassing having a very non private 'romantic' night surely???

themoon66 Fri 19-Sep-08 11:08:18

Just say 'I'm sorry your internet wasn't working and you couldn't get back to me'. Unfortunately the hotel were pushing me to make a decision or let the room go to someone else.

LazyLinePainterJane Fri 19-Sep-08 11:08:55

Just keep the reply casual and say "sorry, when you didn't reply I made other arrangements, no hard feelings"

Dont make it into a big deal, let her know if she creates a fuss that she should have got back sooner.

flourybaps Fri 19-Sep-08 11:11:40

Yanbu sound like she is being bit manipulative tbh.

Just to play devils advocate though, if its true shes been having a hard time and she is skint couldnt you just let her have the room? Can you afford to book hotel for you and dh? I know you shouldnt have to and your in the right etc etc but if she is your friend and ou can afford it, might be nice thing to do and then you and dh can have a lovely time and oull feel all glowy that youve done a nice thing for your friend........

flourybaps Fri 19-Sep-08 11:12:46

something wrong with my y's!

PinkyDinkyDooToo Fri 19-Sep-08 11:18:37

Agree with UNItubers post. Tell her she is welcome to the twin room, and put up with the fact that your roaring fire etc. ain't gonna happen.

mazzystar Fri 19-Sep-08 11:19:14

She doesn't know that you and DH will be there.
Just email her and say DH has already planned to come along for Sunday night.
It is possible to be romantic in company, unless you were all planning marathon shagging on the tumble drier, it shouldn't be too much of a problem
Toss a coin for the double bed.

43Today Fri 19-Sep-08 11:21:27

Yep floury baps I rather suspect that's what we'll end up doing.. we can afford it after all.

But it won't give me a warm glow at all -
just make me angry with her and though I won't let it spoil the weekend, I know I'll be less sympathetic to all the shit she goes through..

I HATE being manipulated!!!

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 11:21:40

tell her they are welcome and that you and your dh are swingers..the more the merrier wink wink grin

Spidermama Fri 19-Sep-08 11:25:18

Don't give in the the guilt trip. You booked it. She made herself hard to communicate with. Her fault. Don't get angry. Just say no, sorry dh and I have made plans. Then move on.

The conflict comes as you consider whether to give in to the emotional blackmail she appears to be indulging in. Just treat her like a child. You're the adult in this situation. Say no. Sympathetically, then try to have a great time afterwards.

43Today Fri 19-Sep-08 11:28:15

But mazzystar she does know! She picked up all her emails and saw the one from last week where I said that since no one else wanted to, we'd stay over - and she would have seen the date and that I had checked etc etc Also, DP and I have only been together a year or so, so of course we were planning marathon shagging on the tumble drier, on fur rug in front of the afore-mentioned roaring log fire, on dining table etc etc

Dropdeadfred grin hopefully it would make them run for the hills - but you never know and it could be us running instead.

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 11:31:23

In that case if she has seen all your emails just send one back stating that as you said in your last mail you and dh will be staying there - sorry. You can't of course insist that she doesn't stay in the twin room but hopefully she will get the hint...if not just get your whips and chains out of your suitcase over the weekend and stress how much you are looking forward to sunday night...grin

43Today Fri 19-Sep-08 11:33:23


themoon66 Fri 19-Sep-08 11:34:56

Oh just book her into the twin room, but say nothing. She will find out when she gets there.

BitOfFun Fri 19-Sep-08 11:37:12

I think you know that YANBU. You talk about feeling like a meanie all weekend,and that spoiling things, but the quiet seething and being made to feel a mug will be even worse. This "friend" is being manipulative in the extreme - as you said, she saw the date on the e-mail - why start going on about "looking into each others eyes" etc to you anyway? It is all about cranking up the pressure.

Use the room yourself, be bright and breezy about it as people have said, and shag away to your heart's content! I would be tempted to ask her and her DP to piss off too, if they are going to be in the way of the rug...Get it sorted, just do it!

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