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To think that DP should say somthing to his sister and dad

(47 Posts)
bogie Fri 19-Sep-08 09:54:37

Dp thinks I am so I want your opinions....

Dp's works do falls the same week as my 21st birthday and as he works at cener parcs we decided to book a villa for the weekend and ask mil if she will come up for the weekend to look after dc's whilst we are at his works party and then we can have a nice weekend break with the dc's for my birthday.
Fil said he was working so he would just come up for the last day and sil has a villa booked for her 21st in feb with her friends so we didn't invite her partly because of this and partly because last time we went away with her and fil they ruined the holiday and I said I really didn't want to go away with them again.
When we went to mil at the weekend and she said that its still fine and that we could book it, then fil who is sat with us said oh I get my bouns paid in soon I will pay for the weekend we said oh no you don't need to do that but he insisted that he did hmm then after we had it all booked we left.
We went over last night and fil said which nioght is your party dp told him friday and he said oh well I don't think I will work then and I will come for the whole weekend which is exactly what I didn't want because he spoilt the last holiday we had and I don't want him doing the same this time, but I was ok and just accepted that he was going to come and said to dp that we will just have to do things on our own and not do everything with him.
Now this is thebit that has really pissed me off, sil has decided that she is coming and has invited her friend who non of us have met and told her that she can share the twin room with her. This means ds hasn't got a bed now because it is 2 double 1 twin room mil and fil in the double me dp and dd in the other double and ds in the twin, I said no your friend can't come there isn't enough space and she said well my dad paid for the weekend and he said she can come so you will have to take ds's ready bed! angry I don't want to share a villa with someone I have never met and I didn't want sil to come in the first place thats why she wasn't invited dp thinks its ok and that I am over reacting but I just feel that we were ment to be having a weekend away with the dc's for my birthday and now its like its the il's holiday and we are the guests.sad It making me want to not go.

OatcakeCravings Fri 19-Sep-08 10:05:12

God that would make me really mad. If I was you I'd book and pay for another villa for you, your DH and son to stay in. Your DP is being unreasonable if he can't see how innapropriately behaved your ILs are being about this.

AMutinyIntheSouthSeas Fri 19-Sep-08 10:05:15

So, it's gone from You and DP with DS plus MIL as babysitter for the party, and FIL for just one night, to You, DP, DS, MIL, FIL, SIL and SIL's friend (who you don't even know) for the whole weekend? And this is meant to be your birthday treat?

I can see why you feel uncomfortable - I'd be unhappy with that change too. Though I'm not sure what you can do about it - it sounds like your FIL and SIL are both riding roughshod over your plans, and changing it into what they want to do. Tricky now that FIL has paid for it though.

Not sure I can suggest a fix, but YANBU!

Portofino Fri 19-Sep-08 10:06:19

Hmmm - bit complicated. I think that you are being a bit unreasonable with regards to your FIL. So you invite MIL just for free babysitting, then let FIL pay for the whole thing.....

TheProvincialLady Fri 19-Sep-08 10:11:14

Well as your FIL is now basically paying for his own holiday with his own chosen guests, why don't you just book a different villa and enjoy your own holiday?

themoon66 Fri 19-Sep-08 10:18:38

If it were me, I'd book a small villa or apartment for just me, DP and DS.

Meet up with them for lunch or dinner only.

bogie Fri 19-Sep-08 10:24:22

because with dp working there we got a discount on this villa if we book another one the same it would be about £1000 we cant afford that, I could see this coming when he offered to pay, I can deal with him coming thats ok but we will have dd in our room so ds won't fit in our room even in a ready bed and he will want a room like every one else not to be on the floor in a ready bed because sil wants her friend there.
I really don't like the idea of sharing a house with someone I have never met.

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 10:25:29

I wouldn't go....I'd just go somewhere else for the weekend.

How exactly did fil spoil your other hols?

bogie Fri 19-Sep-08 10:26:05

oh and the villa is one with a sauna and hot tub, I think this is part of the reason for everyone inviting themself.

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 10:26:41

can you not explain to FIL that there is no room for DS?

purpleduck Fri 19-Sep-08 10:27:14

I agree, you were prepared to pay anyways, so just book your own.

BUT (devils advocate)

It may be fun, and more people may = more babysitters for you and dp to go do things.

Helga80 Fri 19-Sep-08 10:29:30

Personally I'd not go and organise something else.

But then I'd rather spend a weekend in a leaky tent on top of a mountain then have to share a villa with that many people, especailly if I didn't know one of them (anti-social me - nah!)

bogie Fri 19-Sep-08 10:34:24

The last time we went away withthem if everyone didn't do what fil wanted to do in the order he wanted to do it he kicked off everyone fell out and no one could just enjoy themself and do as they wanted without being shouted at, when we were in he had to have the tv on the channel he wanted it on, we were playing cards and wanted to try some new card games but we couldn't becasue he didn't want to learn new games so we had to play his games.
He was always drunk and shouting when ds was in bed and if you asked him to be quiet he shouted louder like it was some sort of game, and just made everyone wish that the week would end.

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 10:34:30

Can't you just ask your son's granad where he is supposed to sleep???shock

bogie Fri 19-Sep-08 10:35:46

I told fil and he said well he has got a ready bed and he can sleep in the lounge hmm he is only 2 he wont want to do that he will get scared.

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 10:37:46

Oh, I just read your last post - I would never have agreed to go in the first place.

Give FIL back his money and tell him you are going alone.

beanieb Fri 19-Sep-08 10:38:28

Pay for it yourself I say, that way you get to choose the sleeping arrangements. Not sure how this would impact on teh free childcare though? Maybe you could get someone from Center parks to look after them?

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 10:38:41

I would never go away with someone who didn't care about my dcs

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 10:39:27

I'd rather do without the childcare than invite them along...anyway centerparcs fo have babysitters don't they?

AMutinyIntheSouthSeas Fri 19-Sep-08 10:41:02

Well, he can't sleep in the lounge while FIL is shouting at people in there, can he? Presumably FIL thinks DS can be put to sleep in another room, then moved around later like an inconvenient piece of baggage hmm

Does your DP think FIL is fine, or did he have a miserable time on the last holiday too? Why does he think you are being unreasonable to not like this change in arrangements? Or does he just not want a scene with his family?

I'm not sure what you can do about this break, but I think you and DP maybe need to talk about what you find a problem with his FIL and how you can avoid this kind of situation in future - it sounds like he steamrollered you into agreeing to him paying, and then you found yourselves in a position where you can't argue because it's his money. With hindsight, maybe you and DP should have stood your ground at the earlier stage before it got to this point.

potatofactory Fri 19-Sep-08 10:41:06

It's a complete nightmare. I'd be gutted and not want to go.

Bunch of inconsiderate b&*%$@£s!!

The way you say your fil acts just makes it all worse.

poor you. YANBU, but I don't know what to suggest.

bogie Fri 19-Sep-08 10:41:33

yeah they do have babysitters but dd will only be 3 months and ds will be nearly 3 I really wanted them to be with someone familiar not a stranger.

Dropdeadfred Fri 19-Sep-08 10:43:36

Is the babysitting so important to you that you would let FIL steamroller the rest of your weekend and expect your son to sleep on the floor of the lounge ( which as someone already said means he will not be put to bed properly and then will have to be moved and would wake up not knowing where the hell he was...sad)

littleducks Fri 19-Sep-08 10:44:50

wasnt there a thread on here that at two children arent allowed to sleep in a cot a centre parks? you had to book a larger villa with a bed for them

say to fil that with sil and friend you will be overcrowding by centre park rules and with dh an employee you cant do that

bogie Fri 19-Sep-08 10:45:15

DP was working most of the time when we were away last time so it was me, ds, mil, sil and fil dp was only there at the evenings and he had a couple of arguments with fil re the shouting when ds was in bed and the card games oh and what food to eat it we all wanted chinese and fil wanted somthing elsethen we had to have what fil wanted but he didn't have to put up with it as much as we did in the day so he doesn't think it will be that bad.

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