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to think my dh is big a selfish twat, i am sick of him saying "i've been at work allday"

(105 Posts)
waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 08:29:01

so fucking what i've been looking after the baby allday.

he is always doing it.

yesterday, didn't realise it at the time but dd 16 months was poorly, i just thought she was being a typical 16month old starting to assert her own mind.
so it was afairly tough day with her.

i had loads of errands to run [going to the bank etc]and we only have one car so i had to pick h up from work.
got home i fed the baby he started on tea.
when i finished feediing the baby i started helping him.
unloading the dishwasher.

dd was stressy and grissling in her highchair and h was stressing saying just give her a biscuit to shut her up.
so i said im just getting her some bread.
then he stormed over to the fridge slamming doors etc and got a biscuit out when i already got dd some bread.
then he was moaning about dd grisling saying oh ive been at work all day.
then poor old dd was sick everywhere.
he goes to the downstairs loo to get a tiny bit of tissue to clear it up.

then starts moaning oh this means no sleep tonight then,no real concern for dd just himself nd his sleep. dd is 16 months old and you can count on your hands the amount of sleepless nights she has had since shes been born, which i don't thinnk is too bad.
again h just being selfish that dds being ill is going to effect his sleep.

then after she goes to bed, shes crying crying crying so we bring her down after quite a while and shes sick everywhere again.
eventually we have to put her to bed as its so late, poor little thing was crying so much, she was coughing alot and at one point i thought it sounded like she had been sick again then it went quite so i was worried she might of chocked on her own vomit or something so i crept into her room to check on her.
she hadnt been sick and was just creeping back when dh started to shout in a whisper what are you doing get back here.
which did stir dd up more.
then i got the blame for disturbing her.
i explined i thought he might of choked on her own vomit, dh starts huffing and puffing and pulling off the bed covers.
making loads of noise.
saying oh i hope you get to enjoy your lie in tomorrow.
as it happens dd woke up and started crying as soon as the alarm went off anyway.

he he seems like a total twat and selfish idiot to me.
do you thinnk i'm right?

lottiejenkins Fri 19-Sep-08 08:34:47

I think he sounds very unreasonable! YANBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ilovetochat Fri 19-Sep-08 08:36:27

yanbu, you have a full time job too except you don't get a lunch break or a quiet cuppa when you want one. i'm a sahm and dp works full time and sometimes he moans he is tired but he still gets up with her in the night and baths her, puts her to bed when he is in.
Tell your dh to book a days holiday so he can look after dd and you go out and let hime get on with it, he will soon realise how hard it is.

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 08:41:55

tbh sometime i wonder if i'd be betteer off on my own.

he just seems so bitter and selfish.
like the 1st thing he could say after we realised dd was ill, was oh no sleep tonight then.
i mean wtf sort of mentality is that, and yesterday i had been running about allday going to town shopping going to the bank looking after dd.

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 08:51:59

so what should i do with him?

Lowfat Fri 19-Sep-08 08:58:51

DH and I used to have these conversations all the time - we laugh while we have them now - there is hope, it is like a "mines bigger then yours contest" grin

Perhaps to show him just how much you do write a list of all the things you have done in a day.

DH and I both work him 8 hours a day, me 5. Our arrangement works well as it means the children get equal time with us and we both understand what the other had to do.

Most of my RL friends are SAH mums who's DP's think they have it easy. But one has just gone back to work and when her DH had their son for the day he was run ragged in fact I belive he used the word 'shredded'

It is a man thing to think staying home is the easy option - you just need to show him just what you do. They easily dismiss the lack of social engagement, frequent night time disturbances and managing a home - because it's convenient for them to do so.

Fingers crossed you work it out - it will get better!

jelliebelly Fri 19-Sep-08 09:02:06

YANBU but he is definitely being unreasonable. Is he under a lot of stress at work maybe? If he is then it can manifest itself in lots of different ways that he maybe does't have much control over. I've just posted on your other thread too - do you think he is feeling the pressure of being the sole breadwinner in an environment where banks are going under, people are losing their jobs, costs of everything are going up?

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:03:58

lowfat, i mean when we both worked ft did he come home and act incapable because his been at work allday?
no

im thinking of sacking him tbh

TheBlackPearlDragon Fri 19-Sep-08 09:04:21

At leas he was helping with the tea/dishwasher.

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:05:09

no jb if it was that id understand.
it's just greed

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 19-Sep-08 09:09:06

I could have written this post. You are not alone, and YANBU.

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:09:45

tbpd we where bothing doing something h was starting tea, i was feeding dd then i went on to help him by unloading the dishwasher.

Lowfat Fri 19-Sep-08 09:09:46

Not wanting to stick up for him - as he is behaving badly.

But is being all incapable as he is unsure of what his role is now that you are home all day.

Would setting some boundaries or responsibilitieis help??

ajm200 Fri 19-Sep-08 09:12:06

That does seem to be my my DHs mantra too..
but he will help out whilst moaning so I guess yanbu

sclubheaven Fri 19-Sep-08 09:12:57

I hate this mentality -DH once dared to get into the mindset that I wasn't doing enough round the house and and had it easy.

I told him that if I was employed as a full time nanny to someone elses child, he would accept that I had a job and that I worked. If two of us were in paid employment he wouldn't expect that that it would be my job to do everything around the house. So why is it any different because my job is looking after my own child. That shut him up wink

As for the resentment at dd's illness and the stomping around making noise, that is just childish behaviour and you should point out that looking after one baby is enough work, thanks very much grin

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:13:48

lowfat, tbh i don't think so i think he is just too fucking selfish.
i mean his 1st thought when he realised dd was poorly was hoimself and his sleep

im tempted to text him and say oh enjoyed your peace on the train ths am did you?? and your coffee??, enjoy looking round the shpops in peace for an hour at luunchtime baby/toddler free.??

well fucking well enjoy it cuz your bags on the doorstep.
now fuck off.

i won't be i feel like it.

jenny i feel your pain!

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:15:46

sclub lol thanks that made me smile
looking after one baby is enough work

good ponit about the nanny thing i'll use thta on him

mistlethrush Fri 19-Sep-08 09:17:48

Sounds about right. I work pt - 4 dpw (now over school hours). Previous hours - ie full days 3 dpw, I would pick dh up from work, we'd pick ds from nursery and go home. On a typical evening, I would start getting ds's tea - dh might get something out of the freezer for it then disappear - whilst I finished heating/preparing meal then got ds (rather tired, so unable to effectively feed himself) to eat, took to bed - bathtime routine, stories and songs. If I was lucky, dh had reappeared at some stage and started on supper.

Bedtime (ours) was simlar - he fed our chinchillas, I put the dog down the garden. if there was washing I would unload it and take it up to the bathroom - I would hang it all up apart from dh's shirts. Then I would get ready for bed, then lift ds (wouldn't last the night otherwise) and go to bed. Dh would follow, having been 'reading'. He once had a go at me about leaving his shirts. I asked him whether it would be OK for me to just hang out the similar quantity of the washing that I was expecting him to do (ie my tops) and leave him with the rest. [In fact, I had a 20min rant at him all the way to work blush] He has never dared to say anything about this type of thing since!

I also strongly recommend the 'getting dh to look after lo with a list of things that need to be done during the day' option - its guaranteed that they will never manage to get through the list, and it is almost certain that the most important thing (which you told them was the most important thing) will get left out as well.... grin

sclubheaven Fri 19-Sep-08 09:18:31

waterdrop - do text him and say those things. Because the whole time he is resenting how 'easy' you have it, he is forgetting that going out to work has it's little perks too.

Jennyusedtobepink Fri 19-Sep-08 09:19:46

I work 4 days pw, all day, yet am still expected to get dd's bath ready, put her to bed, do all the washing and ironing. It's like having two jobs and two bloody kids.

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:22:33

fuck it i will txt him, but i will leave off the bit about your bags on hte fucking doorstep asshole.

conniedescending Fri 19-Sep-08 09:24:23

I do think you are overreacting a bit tbh

are you sure this is just about one throwaway comment your DH made and not you being frustrated about staying home?

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:24:48

jenny that would be exactly what it would be like if i worked id still be expected to do everthing and that i have it easy because i 'only' work pt!

fucking git.

the best thing i could do, would be get a job ft.

oh boy he would be knckered then wouldnt he, the poor little lamb.

waterdrop Fri 19-Sep-08 09:25:46

no connie its no one off he is always saying ive been at work allday. it is now his fav saying.

conniedescending Fri 19-Sep-08 09:29:34

i suppose it depends on what he's doing at work

if he's an air trafic controller or working with manual machinery then sleep deprivation isn't a good thing

i've been at work all day means just that - not you've been skiving off drinking coffee and talking to your mum on the phone all day

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