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in thinking dh needs to get a grip on dd's before i lose it with him

(24 Posts)
misdee Tue 16-Sep-08 08:55:08


he has just come back from the school run again complaining about their behaviour. either they are totally different children for him, or he is exergerating. because i dont have ay issues on the school run, apart from the odd bickering.

EffiePerine Tue 16-Sep-08 08:57:12

either might be true, but why is he complaining to you about it? He needs to find his own way of dealing with this. A placid 'yes they can bicker, what are you plans for dealing with it?' should suffice.

misdee Tue 16-Sep-08 08:59:27

thats basically what i said.

he is moaning cause i put the baby seati nthe car, so dd1 is in the boot seat (zafira) and apparently dd1+2 were misbehaving in the car.

i said we need to get used to having all 4 seats up, he is saying take the baby seat out til lwe need it. then in 7-9 weeks he will still be moaning about it anyway.

CostaRicanCod Tue 16-Sep-08 09:02:16

so say to him " hwat shall we do about it"
or il come aroudn in mypink dressing gown

Alambil Tue 16-Sep-08 09:02:37

Is he (understandably) not being Hard Faced Dad because of the past year and more?

Are the kids testing him? Now knowing he's back to health - are they pushing all his buttons they had to leave when he was ill?

Kids are like that!! Little rascals...

EffiePerine Tue 16-Sep-08 09:03:13

well if he wants to take it out, let him! And remind him of this if it causes problems later on wink (presumably he;'l be doing the school run for a while after you've had no. 4?)

How are you feeling btw?

Anna8888 Tue 16-Sep-08 09:04:59

My DP did DD's school run (with me) for the first time this morning (he couldn't do it last year as he had to take DSS2 to school, in a completely different direction).

I cannot emphasise enough how much he was looking forward to it. But OMG was getting her ready for school a lot of extra work with him around - he barks instructions at her when she needs humouring/cajoling to get out of bed/eat breakfast/do a wee/wash hands and teeth/put her clothes on, not shouted instructions.

And when he actually got to school, rather than dropping her at the front door, he had to go in with her, take her coat off for her (the coat he had not buttoned up Grrrrr), put her uniform smock on and do her buttons up.

It all took huge amounts of unnecessary aggro and energy.

I know I must let him practise and find his way, but...

misdee Tue 16-Sep-08 09:05:28

me, feeling fatter than ever. even maternity jeans are getting too tight.

yes i will takw the seat back out, and have it cluttering up the hallways whilst we pack up the house. i dont want it damaged whilst we pack and the car seems the best place to store it.

tbh i dont think the girls misbehave anymore with dh than me, he just seems to have forgotton what kids can be like.

cod, pink dressing gown? do u have hair rollers and a hair net too?

CostaRicanCod Tue 16-Sep-08 09:08:46

oh SO agree wiht men getting in on your act can be tough

EffiePerine Tue 16-Sep-08 09:17:18

Ha - am 6 mo and already in large size maternity stuff. God knows what I'll be like by Xmas!

Yes different expectations can be annoying - DH and I share childcare but he still gets stressed at stuff I see as normal toddler behaviour (or maybe I'm too lax wink). Doesn;t help that he hates noise and DS is going through a screamy phase. Would bet that your DDs know exactly how to wind him up (and he may be feeling a bit lairy about being a full-time parent again)

misdee Tue 16-Sep-08 09:20:49

oh yes. he def gets stressed over stuff i 'ley go'.

have found him to be a grump a lot lately. constantly moaning

squatchette Tue 16-Sep-08 09:24:36

You have my sympathy misdee.I had dd3 almost 2 weeks ago the day after term started so DP had to do the school run for the first time.
I left lists for everything as though i was instructing a complete idiot right down to what to put in a lunch box!
He still moaned everyday about how hard it was (had to stay in hosi 3 days).I think it does them good though to see what we do on automatic pilot.Have noticed my Dp is alot more willing to help in the mornings now too.
He is also convinced they are far more badly behaved for him toogrin!

compo Tue 16-Sep-08 09:28:41

I've had a couple of weeks off work during reception ds' settling in (mornings only) these last 2 weeks
Come next week i go back to work for 2 days and am dreading letting dh take ds to breakfast club before school with all his paraphanelia etc
I know he'll forget something, he'll be late, my 2 weeks of calm introduction to school will be undone in 10 minutes hmm

EffiePerine Tue 16-Sep-08 09:31:27

Time of year doesn't help some people (strange but true). I get more energetic come the autumn whereas DH sinks into the dumps (he likes the sun, hates winter). Getting outside every day helps. Is he having physio and doing some mild exercise? Also diet can make a big difference I find.

misdee Tue 16-Sep-08 09:32:45

am dreading it when baby is here and i take a few days off to rest properly and stay in bed. i know its going to be chaos. and he'll be just as bad at the end of the day, as will have to wait 10mins to collect dd3 from the nursery next door, and wuilll not let the older two play on the field next to the nursery whilst collecting dd3. i always let them run off onto the field to get rid of excess energy afterschool.

i think he still thinks they are similar ages to when he went into hospital, and not 3yrs older than they are.

EffiePerine Tue 16-Sep-08 09:35:16

well he'll have to cope! Practice serene smile and ignore any chaos around you

he'll get into his own way of doing thigns eventually

Dropdeadfred Tue 16-Sep-08 09:37:14

do you think he is coming out of that euphoric few months after being well...? you know like when the honeymoon period wears off and you realise that this is just life from now on...
I guess he was always treated as 'special' and the dcs had to be careful around him, now he is just 'dad' and they can play up with him too...?

Sorry if i am way off beat, just think it must take a bit of re-adjusting on eveyone's parts to have him back as a 100% hands on parent (and a new baby on the way).

misdee Tue 16-Sep-08 09:46:47

yes def still adjusting.

and still trying to get him to mow the lawn for the final time before we move. its not happening though, its like a jungle out there.

Dropdeadfred Tue 16-Sep-08 09:54:19

My dad was in the navy and away at sea until I was almost 8...until then I had only seen fim for the max of 10 days at a time and then nothing for months....we used to be on our best behaviour at home when he was back
When he came out of the forces he had such a fucking -nasty-- shock time of enlightenemnt about his little brats darling offspring wink

Sparkletastic Tue 16-Sep-08 10:04:42

My DH is just the same - miniscule supply of patience with our DDs and often moans about eldest DD being 'a pain'. I told him this weekend that it would have to stop as I wouldn't allow them to grow up around someone that was overly negative and critical towards them. I also gave him some print-outs I picked up at DD2's playgroup called 'The Solihull Approach' which basically helps parents to see things from the child's perspective. I had threatened him with parenting classes so he read the handouts in the hope that I wouldn't follow that one through grin. He's made more effort the past few days and things have been a lot better. I'm certainly keeping the topic on the agenda in the evenings when the DDs are in bed!! Hope things improve for you Misdee so you can get on with growing that baby without undue stress smile

cory Tue 16-Sep-08 10:25:37

Tbh my dc's have gone through phases of playing up more with me than with dh. And I expect to be able to blow off steam to him at the end of the day and get a reasonably sympathetic hearing. All on the understanding that I will then deal with the problem myself. SO as long as he sorts himself out, let him whitter. Just tune out.

TheFallenMadonna Tue 16-Sep-08 10:27:57

Well, DH will be doing mornings in this house from November when I start work.

Ha! I'm looking forward to it grin

OrmIrian Tue 16-Sep-08 10:28:50

misdee - my DH is doing much more with the children now that he has changed jobs. Like your DH he is struggling and gets very cross. I used to a little but his crossness consists of standing around yelling a lot, whereas my crossness used to propel me around the house getting things done. It's quite funny really. But frustrating.

EffiePerine Thu 18-Sep-08 11:25:31

How are things going Misdee?

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