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To think that when I'm in bed my dh should not stand in the doorway and tell me that....

(17 Posts)
SilkCutMama Mon 15-Sep-08 21:57:29

my dad had died??

he didn't come over, he didn't hug me

He just told me and then left me on my own

Now my dad and I weren't close but even so...

onepieceoflollipop Mon 15-Sep-08 21:58:55

Oh SCM. So sorry to hear that. I vaguely remember from previous threads we have been on together that the situation wasn't easy. So sorry to hear about your loss.

Is your dh usually more sensitive?

summerdressesandlacyboots Mon 15-Sep-08 22:04:42

YANBU - but why/how did he know before you?

SilkCutMama Mon 15-Sep-08 22:08:27

lolli - hello lovely you - long time since I've been on mn and it's wonderful that you are here (just as I need you!!)

summerdresses (fab name btw) I was in bed asleep and my brother rang and told him.

summerdressesandlacyboots Mon 15-Sep-08 22:12:56


Meant to say sorry about your dad, havent seen your other threads about it. Why would your dh act like that?

PinkTulips Mon 15-Sep-08 22:14:19

sad so sorry.

no YANBU... even if you both diliked him or had issues with him (i don't know the story so forgive me if that's not the case) he should have had the sense to know that the man was your father and you might need some support.


SilkCutMama Mon 15-Sep-08 22:17:40

Hi Pink - thanks for your support smile

I have to say that my dh is one in a million and this is most unlike him

onepieceoflollipop Mon 15-Sep-08 22:23:04

SCM where is your dh now? Did he go out or is he still around.

Is it possible that he made a terrible error of judgment and bizarrely thought "oh they weren't close anyway" (or something like that) and then broke the sad news very inappropriately. (I am not trying to excuse him btw, just trying to work out what went on)

I have only seen my own father about 3 times over the past 8 years, I think that my dh would be really uncertain how to break this sort of news, however I would hope that the starting point would be to sit down and kind of lead into it gently.

Forgive me if I am being insensitive here...but I imagine that it would have been better for you if he had been gentle initially, and then if you had wanted to take the lead and say to him you were ok-ish about it then that would have been your decision to make?

When did you hear the news?

Upwind Mon 15-Sep-08 22:23:19


Maybe he did not know how to tell you?

onepieceoflollipop Mon 15-Sep-08 22:29:40

SCM I am going to bed really soon so if you come back here and I am gone that is why...I will check back in tomorrow.

Hope you have people round you to give you support.

Thinking of you. x

SilkCutMama Mon 15-Sep-08 22:30:38

He absolutely did not know how to tell me upwind smile

My relationship with my Father was very distant

Thia all happened on Sat night

I really do think that he was in a quandry but I think I needed a bit more comfort at the time

I would defo have told him I was ok etc lolli but I think this was prob a difficlut thing for both of us to know how to handle

Am off to bed now but (as ever) just talking to you lovely, lovely people has helped me no end

love to you smile

cathcat Mon 15-Sep-08 22:30:55

sad sorry about your dad.
If this is any consolation my DH, who is normally pretty good, said this when I told him the doctors had found something suspicious in my dad's stomach (which was a tumour)...
"Oh. Do you mind if I go to the pub? I'm really hot."

Mamazon Mon 15-Sep-08 22:31:24

of course ynbu!
i am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

I know you say you weren't close but he was your father, and unless there has been some traumatic event in your life with him i am sure you will miss him greatly.

SilkCutMama Mon 15-Sep-08 22:33:38

cathcat - your dh sounds as clumsy as mine (we love them really smile)

mamazon - hello lovely you - your words are (as ever) wonderful

Goodnight all - speak soon

onepieceoflollipop Tue 16-Sep-08 14:46:14

Hello SCM. How are you today?

SilkCutMama Tue 16-Sep-08 20:40:34

Another day, another dollar!!!

Hi there lolli - had good day today

Thanks so much for being there hon

It does mean a lot

onepieceoflollipop Tue 16-Sep-08 21:29:42

Glad you had a good day.

I was (unusually) not around on mnet when you posted earlier. I was being very good doing some tidying shock

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