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to miss a friends wedding party?

(19 Posts)
lulabellarama Mon 15-Sep-08 15:03:56

A friend of mine (we used to be very close but haven't seen each other more than once every 6 weeks recently) got married in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago. She and her husband arranged a party for everyone in the UK to celebrate their marriage which I have known about for about 5 weeks.
It was on saturday and when I went to plan my bus route there it came up as 2 hours each way. Plus there were bus strikes in my area which would have added even longer to the journey. I don't take the tube or trains because I am very clautrophobic, I haven't for years.
I am currently 13 weeks pregnant, and the idea of spending in excess of 4 hours on public transport in London on a saturday night was just too much for me, so I called and said I couldn't cope with the journey.
She was obviously upset and ended the call very abruptly. I had offered to take her out soon to celebrate but I have heard now that she's furious with me.

Was I unreasonable to cry off?

BitOfFun Mon 15-Sep-08 15:07:03

Not at all - just send her a card to wish her well, and hopefully she'll snap out of her huff when the loved-up hormone kick in!

anyfucker Mon 15-Sep-08 15:08:53

you were not unreasonable in the circumstances

if she were a good friend, she would know the difficulties that such a trip would cause you

let her have a huff and contact her again in a few weeks to organise something just for the 2 of you

anyfucker Mon 15-Sep-08 15:09:23

lol at cross-posted "huff"

compo Mon 15-Sep-08 15:10:28


poppy34 Mon 15-Sep-08 15:11:58

yanbu - I'd not have gone at 13 weeks if it was next door let alone 4 hours each way

beanieb Mon 15-Sep-08 15:11:58

She needs to pull herself together. At least you called to let her know!

alarkaspree Mon 15-Sep-08 15:14:25

It depends a bit on the type of party but I think you were probably unreasonable. I do understand how you felt about it, I agree the journey sounds v unappealing. I would have been very hurt in her position though, she has presumably put a lot of effort and spent money on organising a party to celebrate her marriage. And you effectively said you didn't care enough to bother travelling to it.

I think you should contact her again, apologise profusely and play up the pregnancy issue (does she know about your pregnancy?).

boogiewoogie Mon 15-Sep-08 15:16:17

*yanbu at all!* I speak of experience, coming back from my brother's wedding this weekend just gone.

We have 2 dcs. dd had to have an emergency op on Saturday which meant that she couldn't come down that day, the journey time there is 4 hours by train. dh and dd came the next day to make it to the ceremony and reception at 1:30. We got the 19:00 train back and it was packed out with lots of loud and drunk people on the train. Nearly 11pm when we got back and we were all knackered.

After that, we have decided to not do weddings with the dcs if they're long distance.

You have a mitigating circumstance. Also if you've only been given 5 weeks notice, then it's hardly fair that you are expected to be available anyway imho.

lulabellarama Mon 15-Sep-08 15:16:43

The party was in a bar and was basically a 'turn up and drink' affair.
And yes, she knows I am pregnant.

AmIWhatAndWhy Mon 15-Sep-08 15:17:07

Why is being 13 weeks pregnant a factor in it?
It's not an illness.

Maybe if you were 33 weeks...

lulabellarama Mon 15-Sep-08 15:18:57

Because I am a lot more tired than usual, wouldn't be drinking (which is the only activity at the party) and feel a lot more vulnerable on public transport after dark.

poppy34 Mon 15-Sep-08 15:19:57

amIandwhynot -no its not an illness..but still can make you feel very very rough/tired

HonoriaGlossop Mon 15-Sep-08 15:57:41

AmI, where is the sisterhood? Blimey! If other mums can't understand that being pregnant can make you ill/exhausted/vulnerable then no-one ever will! 13 weeks is IME the time that many people actually feel at their very worst, and most exhausted. And the OP already has issues which mean she feels vulnerable on public transport.

SO, no, I don't think you were unreasonable at all.

anyfucker Mon 15-Sep-08 15:58:40

in my 1st trimester of pregnancy, the house would have had to be on fire to make me leave it except to go to work/buy food to eat

jette Mon 15-Sep-08 16:07:21

Couldn't you have taken a taxi?

LouMacca Mon 15-Sep-08 16:12:11

YANBU. I'm afraid you have to be there to understand. Maybe when/if your friend gets pregnant she will understand why you couldn't face it.

I hold my hands up. I was v. upset when a close friend didn't come to my hen weekend because she was 3 months pregnant. I wasn't huffy with her but told her i was upset - when I became pregnant myself i completely understood and told her how sorry i was.

macaco Mon 15-Sep-08 16:28:26

YANBU I felt like shit at 13 weeks. Nausea, exhaustion. I wouldn't have done that journey.

lulabellarama Mon 15-Sep-08 17:15:13

jette, a taxi would have cost £30 each way. We don't have that sort of money to spend on travel for one day.

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