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To want to tell friend that another friend is badmouthing her?

(18 Posts)
takefu Mon 15-Sep-08 13:22:25

Have been listening to a friend rant about another mum (who is a good friend of mine as well)- which she does often. To her face, she is sweet as can be. Recently, the other mum, who is really genuinely kindhearted, asked if she had done anything to offend the other. I pleaded ignorance.

I'm sick of listening to one friend badmouth the other, especially when it's a one-way conversation. The other mum has never said anything negative about the badmouther. I've suggested they talk about it, I've stopped joining in on the conversation, I've even tried to defend the other mum. Now I just want to tell the other mum everything so I don't have to be the keeper of the gossip anymore!! Would I be mad to do that?

compo Mon 15-Sep-08 13:23:47

Don't do it
you will hurt the kind hearted friend

tell the other one (is she really your friend? she sounds horrid) that you are not interested in her poisonous witchery and if she doesn't stop slagging the other friend you will tell all

Lizzylou Mon 15-Sep-08 13:24:49

What is the issue with this non-gossiping Mom?
Can you see why she would badmouth her? Is it jealousy?

Have you told her to stop bitching?

Saturn74 Mon 15-Sep-08 13:25:16

I'd keep out of it, except to tell ranty friend not to speak ill of kindhearted friend in your presence.

Sycamoretree Mon 15-Sep-08 13:25:39

But that would probably put you in the shit, and you don't deserve that. What is this woman's beef with the other mother? Is it just tittle tattle about what she feeds her kids etc or is it something more concrete?

IME a bit of directly contradicting the badmouther can do a lot "Oh really, I'd always thought mum x was a brilliant cook and she dotes on those kids" for eg.

If she's that much of a gossipy mare, then try and steer clear of her.

DrNortherner Mon 15-Sep-08 13:25:56

I would say to bad mouther "please stop, happen to like her"

2beornot2be Mon 15-Sep-08 13:26:38

Just dont involve yourself the only time I would get involved is if it was my best friend and even then I would have to think about it

JuneBugJen Mon 15-Sep-08 13:27:34

compo speaks wisely. Follow this advice!

Reginaphilangy Mon 15-Sep-08 13:27:45

Tell her to stop being a bitch. But no, don't tell your kind-hearted friend - she will only end up hurt sad

LouMacca Mon 15-Sep-08 13:29:56

If she is badmouthing her 'friend' to you but can probably assume she is badmouting you to someone else too. Some people can't help it.

VinegarTits Mon 15-Sep-08 13:30:10

Tell the other friend to stop her bitching, no need for the kind-hearted friend to know and be hurt about it, i would also reconsider your friendship. if shes like this behind your other friends back god knows what she is saying about you behind yours, she doesnt sound very tbh

wessexgirl Mon 15-Sep-08 13:30:58

No, don't tell the nice friend - she'll feel awful and lie awake at night wondering what the hell she's done.

But do ignore the other's ranting/change subject/contradict her negative statements with positive ones. She'll give up if she cottons on that she doesn't have a sympathetic audience. (And prob run off and badmouth you elsewhere, but sod her!)

wannaBe Mon 15-Sep-08 13:32:02

don't get involved.

And be aware that if friend is about the other friend, she probably slags you off when you're not there as well.

VinegarTits Mon 15-Sep-08 13:32:44

doesnt sound very nice - i forgot the 'nice'

squilly Mon 15-Sep-08 14:13:51

I'm caught between two friends at the moment who both loathe each other and aren't keen on me talking to the other, if you know what I mean!

I like them both (and am a little cross with them both for putting me in this position) and I discuss neither of them with either of them, if that makes sense.

I pity you for being in this position, but I'd just be tempted to say positive things to the bitchy friend about your nice friend and hope it sorts itself out!

hecate Mon 15-Sep-08 14:17:38

Mark Twain once said "It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you."

It's better, imo, to say to the badmouthing woman "Look, you are entitled to your opinion, but X is my friend, I like her, so please don't talk about her to me because I don't want to hear it."

JuneBugJen Mon 15-Sep-08 14:19:06

Love that quote Hecate.

takefu Mon 15-Sep-08 15:17:33

I LOVE MUMSNET! Thanks for the opinions, you are all right, I will keep my mouth shut. And say only positive things about nice friend to gossipy friend.

It's all silly stuff anyway- what she feeds her kids etc.

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