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to not want another baby

(11 Posts)
stocious Mon 15-Sep-08 12:09:22

My DH is desperate for another baby, we already have a 2 yo son. The last thing i want is to be pregnant again and have another baby, I am happy with just the one. it's taken me two years to get my figure back and to start having a social life again. Also, i had a horrible childbirth experience and never want to go through that again. DH wont take no for an answer and keeps saying it's cruel not to give DS a brother or sister. So, AIBU not to want another child, or should I have one to please DH?

Reginaphilangy Mon 15-Sep-08 12:14:08

No-one but you and your dh can make this decision.

Its awful i know. I have been in the same situation - i was desperate for another and dh didn't want any more. Its really horrible and can only be resolved if one of you 'gives' in. sad

Hope you sort it out.

lulumama Mon 15-Sep-08 12:14:41

have you had any help with your birth trauma, there are organisations that can help....

Tortington Mon 15-Sep-08 12:14:55

dont do it

babies are like leeches

and make you skint

jammi Mon 15-Sep-08 12:16:50

Message withdrawn

CrushWithEyeliner Mon 15-Sep-08 12:19:21

FGS it is not in any way cruel to your DS to not have a sibling (why do people say this!!!???), you need to explain this to your DH it is a really silly comment. What is cruel to him would be making you have another baby which may cause PND and other issues which may make you miserable.

LaVieEnRose Mon 15-Sep-08 12:20:35

YANBU. DH will have to take no for an answer if you've made your mind up. He's not the one who has to give birth is he?

Having a baby just to please your dh is not a good reason. But I think you already know that!

hope you sort something out.


Joolyjoolyjoo Mon 15-Sep-08 12:20:56

This is why I am glad I got pregnant with dd2 when dd1 was just 8m- I never had time to realise that I might be able to get my life back, just carried straight on!! I found making the decision to try for ds far harder, as, like you, dd2 was 2 and I had some semblance of a life outwith nappies. Also I do pregnancy really badly and hate every minute of it. I remember crying when we discussed it, but it WAS me who wanted a third. If you really don't want any more, don't feel pressured into it. I was an only child and can see pros and cons for having siblings- I had a very happy childhood. If it is just the childbirth thing that puts you off though, remember that each birth is different- I have a friend who had a horrendous time during and after her first labour, then no problems at all with her second. Good luck with whatever you decide

jammi Mon 15-Sep-08 12:22:26

Message withdrawn

ajm200 Mon 15-Sep-08 12:25:00

Why not give it more time and get some counselling about your previous birth experience.

Maybe after your LO is at school and you have more time to yourself, you'll feel differently or he will.

HonoriaGlossop Mon 15-Sep-08 13:07:32

I agree you need to talk again. Your DH is trotting out a hackneyed 'knee jerk' response re it being 'cruel' to not give your child a sibling. He is not looking at reality. Children do not have a need that is met by having a sibling. They have a need that is met by having loving carers.

Of course having a sibling can be fantastic and can bring an awful lot to a child's life. But it's not a developmental NEED like having parents is.

Only good reason to have another is if that child is wanted by both parents.

I also think that, while your DH needs to do some serious thinking re; the sibling issue, what you could do in return almost, is explore some counselling/talking re your traumatic birth experience. This may, possibly, change your thoughts on another though as someone who had a traumatic birth myself I wouldn't want to suggest this has a HUGE impact on decision to have another.

And the other thing I would suggest is that you decide between you to take the time pressure off; as ajm says, when my ds hit five years old, SUDDENLY i understood the wish for another, and felt that I could have coped, enjoyed it, etc. For many reasons though, we're not having another and have a very happy little family smile

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