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Not to want someone else at a heart to heart with a friend?

(11 Posts)
mou Mon 15-Sep-08 11:52:56

She knows i'm going through a hard time and invited me for coffee, now it seems she has invited someone else, allthough i'm sure she knew it wasn't that kind of chat i needed.

i don't want to offend either women but i do not feel like a face to face 'group' discussion, and also do not feel up to an afternoon of 'chit-chat'. but if i cancel now it's going to look churlish.

cupsoftea Mon 15-Sep-08 11:56:35

Could be a change of scene - do you know the other person?

mou Mon 15-Sep-08 12:01:10

Yes, and we get on ok, but I really needed someone to talk things through, right about change of scene but just surprised. i don't think i'd have invited someone else if i knew a friend needed to talk

Twelvelegs Mon 15-Sep-08 12:02:23

Happened to me with a certain friend of mine too, she's just a little too social!

mou Mon 15-Sep-08 12:05:55

I know that i'm sensitive at the moment.
Perhaps looking at it she's not best person to 'confide' in. Try to get me head around just having a natter. If i can get enough grey cells together.

HonoriaGlossop Mon 15-Sep-08 12:52:26

She sounds like she might be a bit more superficial than you. I guess if she was feeling like you, what she would like might be a natter and coffee rather than to really properly talk and confront issues. Some people just don't feel things as deeply or just do not want to really face things, and she sounds a bit like that to me. Is there someone else you can talk to?

I wouldn't feel bad about cancelling tbh, if you don't feel up to socialising. Up to you - if it would help to get out even just for a coffee, then it's worth going but if it's just another thing you have to cope with - don't go!

Hope things settle down for you soon.

mou Mon 15-Sep-08 13:02:33

Thanks HG. I have a vague suspiscion(??), she is a little more 'gossipy' than me but had seemed genuinely concerned that I wasn't's a bit obvious.sad. we all deal with things differently and maybe it is how she deals with things. I was just taken aback.
Finding it really hard to talk to people properly in RL as everyone I know also knows the other people involved in my situation and I hate to be disloyal,
I was quite low when she invited me and didn't consider the wisdom of my decision. I have thought of a tactful way out.
Wishing I was as deep as a puddle at the moment....

wotulookinat Mon 15-Sep-08 13:03:56

I'm sure your friend hasn't meant for you to feel this way - she maybe thought it would help to have someone else there too. But you have my sympathy - when I was going through a very messy separation from my ex, I would ring my (so-called) best friend and ask to meet her, and her boyfriend was ALWAYS there. Never got to have the girly sob that I wanted. angry

HonoriaGlossop Mon 15-Sep-08 13:10:16

Yes I know what you mean, mou, being as 'deep as a puddle' must help sometimes!!

I suggest a change of name to anonymise and starting a thread on here, if RL people are a bit too 'close' to the situation!!

mou Mon 15-Sep-08 13:11:22

She's normally the sort of friend that I just have a laugh with, i just don't have a sense of humour at the moment!! might temporarily rename myself 'miserablemou'. (weak smile at crap attempt at humour..!)

mou Mon 15-Sep-08 13:20:13

I thought about that HG, dealt with some of it in separate threads but afraid of putting it all in one because i think the enormity of it all might overwhelm me. I will give it some thought as i seem to be stuck. thanks for the posts. i really should get to work. thanks again.

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