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to avoid my dad for a while?

(14 Posts)
ilovetochat Sat 13-Sep-08 16:35:01

i normally see my dad once a week, he comes to our house during the day as he is retired and i'm a SAHM.
At the moment he is driving me mad as all he does is talk about himself and brag about everything.
I had a minor op last week and he didn't even ask me how i was. DD is 14 months old and runs upto him to play but he talks over her a lot or asks her to do something she can't do like " find me the number 3 jigsaw" and then says "oh she doesn't know her numbers " so he puts jigsaw back on the floor and ignores dd.
He tells me how much weight he has lost, how much weight his girlfriend has lost, asks how heavy my dp is and then brags he is lighter (even though dp is much taller), tells me he is having a new car and he doesn't want to drive a tatty old car (his car is 1 year old, mine is 7), he has had new clothes, he has booked another holiday abroard (doesn't like cheapo breaks, we are going to haven next week).
i don't mind what he has and i'm glad he is enjoying himself but i feel like he is rubbing my nose in it a bit and basically trying to prove he is better than me.
he even told me if i just stayed at home with dd i would be boring to talk to and only boring people don't have hobbies, he said most woman are boring cos they don't have hobbies, i said thats cos we are looking after kids.
next week he wants to change day we meet as he is busy and week after we are away. i feel like telling him i'm busy other days next week so will see him after holiday as i need a break from him, aibu?

debzmb62 Sat 13-Sep-08 17:31:58

if i were you i,d tell him your busy think you might need a break from him tbh you should be proud of what you,ve got don,t let anyone or anything get you down what you,ve got with your dh and dd does'nt cost money !!i,m a sahm and i love it !money can,t buy what i've got "hold you head high"

lauraloola Sat 13-Sep-08 18:48:33

Avoiding him is the easy route. You will have to see him again and he will be the same. Could you not tell him how you are feeling? If he knows he may change and it will improve your relationship? If it doesnt make any difference then yes, I would cut your visits.

ilovetochat Sat 13-Sep-08 21:36:12

when i lived with him we didn't get on, then when my parents divorced we got closer and he made more effort to see me and talk to me. When he is single he is really nice to me and wants to be involved in our life (too much sometimes) and then when he is with someone he doesn't ring me. it's always on his terms.
deb - i know i'm very lucky and don't want for anything, i love dp and dd and we have fun together and don't need much money to get by, i just don't know why he has to put me down and compare and compete over everything. why can't he be pleased for me that i'm happy?
i think if i told him how i feel he would be sorry but say it's me being a bit down, if i'm quiet when he goes on a bit he always says you're down today. i think our relationship is quite precarious and i'm scared if i push i will lose him, as a child i hardly knew him and was shy infront of him so we have come along way from that.

lauraloola Sat 13-Sep-08 22:54:38

Have you tried doing different things with your time together? Instead of staying in your house why not take lo to the park or zoo? That way you can both talk about that instead of the latest thing he has bought?

Its nice that he makes the effort to see you but I totally see where you are coming from.

Do you get on with his girlfriend?

Is he good at DIY or anything that he could help you with around the house? Distraction is a good way of getting away from the areas of your relationship you arent keen on without telling him.

ilovetochat Sun 14-Sep-08 20:24:38

his girlfriend seems fine, have met her about 5 times but she doesn't visit with him cos she is at work in the day. He is rubbish at diy and when he is here he doesn't do anything, i asked him to make me a cuppa when dd was very little and i had to tell him where everything was and could have done it myself quicker while holding dd.
I have suggested a walk to the park but he only comes for an hour, and always says i have to be back to do something so we don't have time to go anywhere.

purpleduck Sun 14-Sep-08 20:46:38

I would avoid him for awhile, just to save your own sanity.

I would be tempted to say:
"Too busy this week,
Monday - bungee jumping
Tuesday - rock climing
Wednesday - stamp collecting club
Thursday - Ballroom Dancing
Friday - Bricklaying class"


ilovetochat Mon 15-Sep-08 11:28:07

think i will avoid him till after hol and then i might feel better about seeing him again and if not i will tell him to stop being so annoying.
like your ideas purpleduck

stocious Mon 15-Sep-08 14:06:31

my dad is very similar. him and mum are divorced and we are not especially close - there's been months on end when we've had no contact at all. he only ever talks about his expensive holidays and new gadgets and totally ignores me if there is something more exciting going on in his life. Like you, i made an effort to rebuild our relationship, but i found I couldn't forgive him for being so selfish. I haven't seen him for 3 months and he never askes how DS is. I suspect that he only keeps in touch because it would appear 'abnormal' and awkward to his friends and his girlfriend if he didn't see us at all.

Don't know what you should do really, avoiding him for a little while is only going to put it off til later. maybe you should just insist that he spends time with his grandchild on his own, have her all ready in her buggy for a walk with grandpa.

OrmIrian Mon 15-Sep-08 14:08:26

How childish! Him I mean. Fancy competing with your own child.

LazyLinePainterJane Mon 15-Sep-08 14:23:28

I know the feeling, my dad is not as bad as yours, but we have these conversations where he will ask how DS is, but just as a courtesy, he's not interested in the answer, as soon as you have finished talking he starts rabbiting about his new mobile phone (zzzzz) or other such things.

Have stopped phoning now and am grateful for the peace.

ilovetochat Mon 15-Sep-08 16:03:51

last week he drew a picture of square with circles in and more squares and circles and asked me "do you know how to express the radius of the circles as a fraction" or something like that. I said i haven't got a clue while chasing dd and fetching her down from chair/curtains/over etc, he then proceeded to explain how he worked it out (he is a home tutor in maths) and isn't he clever. FFS. i told him it's irrelevent in my life but i think he looks down on me as i'm not as acedemically minded as him.
i'm not thick, i just think real life is more important.
He said when dd is older he will teach her things ut i don't want him confusing her doing things over her head.

LazyLinePainterJane Mon 15-Sep-08 16:33:41

how odd hmm

him i mean, not you grin

ilovetochat Tue 16-Sep-08 14:06:20

he is odd, very antisocial, no friends, falls out with his only brother, goes away over xmas for 3 weeks so he doesn't have to be involved, gives me his timetable so he can fir in seeing me.
I'm fed up of putting in 90% effort.

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