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For wanting to make a complaint to the school?

(43 Posts)
MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:19:31

I've just had a call from the school. DS2 is in a bit of state after being caught trying to make himself sick

Basically what's happened is, during lunch time another kid picked something up from DS's plate to "look at it". DS is VERY touchy about this stuff and refused to eat anymore because it had germs all over it.

The dinner lady then told him to eat it and he said "No because ** touched it" so she told him to stop being ridiculous and eat it otherwise he'd be having no pudding DS then said "I won't have anything else then" and so the dinner lady shouted at him to 'stop being cheeky (???) and if he didn't eat it she would take him to the head mistress.

DS got upset and asked the kid in question to show him where he'd put his fingers so he could eat around it. The dinner lady heard him and told him off again (by the sounds of it, winding herself up on purpose) and in the end DS reluctantly ate his lunch. They then caught him trying to throw up in the toilet and told him off again!

I'm so annoyed that

a) some kid has not been taught not to touch other people's food
b) the stupid dinner lady forced him to eat it despite knowing someone had touched it and
c) they told him off for being sick!?!

I am thinking of making an apointment with the head, am I over-reacting?

Imnotok Fri 12-Sep-08 14:23:48

I would be going mad ,my dd is the same she can't bear anyone touching her food .
Some dinnerladies are just jobsworths .
How would she like it if someone stuck their fingers in her food then said right eat it or else?

I would make an appt with the ht
sorry for your lo .

Blu Fri 12-Sep-08 14:26:45

MrsSnape - are the school aware that your ds has issues that seriously affect the way he approaches his food? because I think this is the crux here - and if so, the schoolshould make sure that the dinner ladies know because they are closest to any 'food action'.

Overall, if a child did not have issues, the dinner lady was probably reasonable enough up to the ppint where he was told off for finding out where it had been touched. Certainly not reasnable to tell any child off for trying tomake themselves sic as that is clearly flagging somethig up.

I would contact the Head f a discussion about how to manage this, rather than a complaint.

And yes - the other boy should have been told not to touch people's food. But boys do all sorts...

TheFallenMadonna Fri 12-Sep-08 14:29:01

I agree with Blu really.

How old is your ds? Trying to make himself sick sounds very extreme sad

RonAndHarry Fri 12-Sep-08 14:29:10

Def see someone

I don't care of a child has food issues or not. If they have a valid reason (to them) for not wanting to eat it, then they shouldn't have to.

DD refused her cheese dipper things the other day because i bought the "wrong ones" - they were a bit concerned she would be hungry, but accepted it.

Mungarra Fri 12-Sep-08 14:29:43

I have a policy of not insisting that my children eat. They know if they're not hungry or if don't like something. I would complain to the school about it. She shouldn't be bullying your child.

My friend's daughter is 5 years old and vegetarian. Her dinner lady kept insisting to her that she eats fish. The girl stuck up for herself and insisted that she doesn't eat fish and didn't eat it. Some of these dinner ladies are so ignorant.

SorenLorensen Fri 12-Sep-08 14:31:14

I'm with Blu - they need to be aware that they have to deal with your ds more sensitively, as this is a genuine problem for him.

TheFallenMadonna Fri 12-Sep-08 14:33:10

On the other hand, the dinner ladies making sure dd eats a reasonable amount of her main course before she eats her pudding has meant that she has tried all sorts of things she wouldn't before. And they are lovely too BTW. They do it very gently.

Have a word with the school about his issues with food. If it doesn't improve, then crank it up a notch.

MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:33:43

DS is 7.

He won't sit on a toilet seat either and has broken two of ours by standing on the toilet seat to have a poo.

pigleto Fri 12-Sep-08 14:34:17

I would ask to speak to the head. Some dinner ladies need training on how to deal with other people's children. Food can be such an emotive subject, I wish they would be more sensitive.

Give your ds a hug and explain that being sick will do him more harm than eating food with germs on it. I hope he will not feel intimidated by the dinner ladies now.

TheFallenMadonna Fri 12-Sep-08 14:36:05

Is he generally anxious? Is it a big enough concern to get some outside help with do you think? Always hard to tell from postings isn't it? I don't want to leap overboard and say there's something wrong. But the trying to make himself sick just sounds so desperate.

Fimbo Fri 12-Sep-08 14:37:42

TBH, I think the school/dinner lady needs to be aware of your son's food issues.

The toilet seat is bizarre does he do this at school too?

MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:38:14

No to be honest he's the opposite. He has been assessed for ADHD because of his behaviour, he seems popular, class clown, loud, confident, animal lover...pretty normal in all other ways...

Apart from being underweight he seems perfectly healthy etc

MrsSnape Fri 12-Sep-08 14:39:03

he doesn't use the toilet at school but he does do it at my mums house. He also wee's with the seat down and gets wee everywhere to avoid having to touch the seat.

Fimbo Fri 12-Sep-08 14:40:23

How do you feel Mrs S? Do you think there is anything wrong?

cat64 Fri 12-Sep-08 14:40:25

Message withdrawn

MadBadandDangerousToKnow Fri 12-Sep-08 14:41:17

You're entitled to be annoyed - the dinner supervisors should not be making such an issue about whether ot not any child eats.

How are you supporting your son through his issues to do with food and hygiene? Can you engage the school with that in a constructive way?

rebelmum1 Fri 12-Sep-08 14:48:27

I think it highlights that your dd's relationship with food needs to be approached, delicately and sensitively. I would go to head to discuss how best to manage it/relsolve it. Hygene is good, obsession isn't and you don't want it to develop into an obsession. Dinnerlady sounds like a bully to me and that needs flagging too, you shouldn't force children to eat food, regardless of their reasons.

Twelvelegs Fri 12-Sep-08 14:52:24

The school have a duty of care and have failed miserably. Okay so they're not mind readers and may not have known about his touching and eating related issues, but if they had taken the time to listen they would have worked it out. The dinner lady sounds as if it was a personal thing for her and to be cross when he was trying to make himself sick is just bizarre.

YANBU, I would phone, meet and follow with a letter.

Blu Fri 12-Sep-08 14:53:18

MrsSnape - I noticed what you said about him in the lunchbox-spying thread.

I do agree that in general forcing children to eat is a Bad Thing, so there are some general principles in what you say, but he does sound as if there are far more complex things going on for him re germs, and it might be worth seeking further to support to find out what is causing it if it isn't ADHD.

Poor mite - very upsetting for him. Have they asked you to go ion, since he is in a state?

Twelvelegs Fri 12-Sep-08 14:54:30

I would go and get him regardless.

2beornot2be Fri 12-Sep-08 14:55:23

Awwwwww bless him Mrssnape I am the same thou I wouldnt eat anything anyone had put there hands on

Complain to the school

Sorry to ask does you Son have OCD by any chance with the toilet seat etc

PosyFossil Fri 12-Sep-08 14:58:37

I can see that this would be very upsetting for him and the dinner lady sound horrible for shouting at him so maybe you could phone the school to discuss how to deal with this issue.

But - your son is going to have to learn to deal with people touching his food at some point! How will he go round to his friends houses for tea or go out to a restaurant? (sorry but I touch food while preparing it!)

Heated Fri 12-Sep-08 15:02:46

Kid can be like this about food - ok so he's not run-of-the-mill in his attitudes - but that's a really insensitive approach, especially as he got upset. Perhaps though the supervisor thought he was getting at the other child in some way by saying 'yuk, germs' - I don't know - but seeing the head, head of key stage or whoever is most appropriate, plus a confirming letter, might be best. Hope he's ok.

bloomingfedup Fri 12-Sep-08 15:44:09

YANBU - At my DC school they don't try and make the kids eat. They said they can't force them. TBH I think this approach is best.smile The dinner lady sounds like a cow.

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