. . . and pathetic and wasting money?

[RevStinkerPinker]

I have namechanged for this, but I have no idea why, it's hardly shameful.

My dear old Dad died recently and I am sorting out his affairs, currently at the stage of paying his debts.

I know I will inherit some money at the end of this, and I need a new car so I am looking forward to buying one in a few months and patting it on the bonnet, looking skywards and saying, thanks Dad.

Yesterday my exhaust fell off. A new one will be £500+. It's on order and the kind chap at the exhaust centre did a temporary fix to hold it together until he can do the job.

The trouble is the consensus seems to be why don't I get straight to the new car showroom, buy a new car and trade the old one in while the temporary repair is still working. People seem to think I will be nuts to spend £500 when I don't have to.

Maybe I am nuts but I hate being dishonest, yes even to car salesmen. I can't seem to cope very well with stress at the moment, especially anything related to my Dad, and I don't want to rush this, racing madly round car showrooms test driving things hoping the repair will hold.

Also I really wanted to buy my new car with "Dad's money." DH pointed out that the estate owes us quite a lot which was at the point of being paid anyway, so I can buy it with Dad's money, but I wanted to buy it with my inheritance, not the payback of a debt. I know there's no real difference, but there is to me.

I am, stupidly, all tearful over it. I know I am being so irrational. Any ideas?

[AMumInScotland]

From what you say, it would "spoil" things for you to either be deceitful in the car showroom, or rush through buying the new car. You want to do things properly - and that's perfectly right and understandable.

Don't let people hassle you about it - just because they would do things differently doesn't make them right and you wrong. Do this the way that you want to do it!

[freshprincess]

Poor you - what an awful time. IMO, take your time to make big decisions, you've got enough on your plate without worrying about your car.

In any case when you trade in they will inspect your car and they will be able to spot the temporary fix from 100 yards, so you wont really be fooling anyone. You'll probably get more with a proper fixed exhaust than a temporary one.

[Hassled]

You could still presumably trade the old car in while being upfront about the exhaust - and the fact it had a temporary fix would be spotted by the garage in any case. I don't think it's something you could lie about even if you wanted to (and I quite understand why you don't want to).You're going to lose some money in the deal regardless as it stands at the moment.

The root of the problem is that the exhaust crisis has made you feel that now you have to rush everything, and bereavement is something that you just can't rush. If you feel that you need more time, and to deal with the money stuff when you're good and ready, then that's exactly what you should do. Ignore everyone else - unless they've been bereaved recently they have no real understanding of how you're feeling; that's not a criticism, it's just how things are.

I'm very sorry for your loss - it's been more than 5 years since my father died and while the grief never goes away completely, you do learn to cope with it over time.

[ginnny]

This is not just a matter of common sense and saving money though is it.
You are grieving for your dad and you need to do things the way you had planned. It will mean more to you to take your time looking at cars and when you get the car you want you can indeed thank your Dad and think of him whenever you drive it.
I totally understand.
My Dad 'bought' my fridge freezer for me and paid off my credit card!

[RevStinkerPinker]

Thanks ladies for your replies.

The other thing I can't bear to do is tell the kind man at the exhaust centre that I don't want them to do the work when he rings to say it's in . . . he'd know what I was up to, I even joked about not coming back yesterday as the repair was working so well.

[RevStinkerPinker]

The funny thing is also that my Dad would have definitely advised me to get rid of the car and stay shtum!

And he would have had 50 pink fits at me buying a nice new car, he always drove old bombs.

[freshprincess]

RSP - I spent some of my inheritance from my grandmother on a posh expensive handbag. She lived through the war, coudn't stand waste and knew to her last day how much money she had. She would have had a blue fit if she knew I had spent so much on something trivial, but my thinking was whenever I use it I will think of her. I wouldn't get the same warm feeling from an ISA.

As other people have said, take your time.

[nervousal]

trade the old one in while the repair is working and don't even think twice about it. If its a dealer then it'll be cheaper for them to fix it that it would be for you. Last 2 times I'vve traded my car in the dealer hasn't even looked at it before agreeing a price, or when I handed it over! I doubt they'll even ask you about its road worthiness - just its make model and age. There will be no need for you to be deceitful.

As for not getting the permanent repair done? Don't worry about it it'll happen to them all the time - they'll be able to return the part or use it again.

[CoffeeCrazedMama]

I wouldn't worry about the state of the car you are trading in - they won't care. If you are buying a new one, the trade-in is a bit of a guesture, and you really don't get much for an old car anyway. They won't be trying to sell it on themselves either - it will be sent to a central auction place.

[jesuswhatnext]

sod every one else!!

do what you want to do , this must be a hard enough time for you without having to worry what other people think.

[clam]

Actually, this isn't really about the car at all. It's about you dealing with the aftermath of your dear old dad's death. So, you do what you feel like doing, even if it seems irrational to everyone else. It's your money now (nearly), and your grief, so you must do what feels right for you.