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To think that if you're grown up, you should act like it (and your parents should act like you are as well)?

(16 Posts)
snickersnack Wed 10-Sep-08 21:13:31

According to the Guardian today, parents these days are attending job interviews with their (adult) children and attempting to negotiate their salary packages. And employers say parents will ring to say their (adult) child will not be coming to work because they're ill.

Seriously? Is there any justification for this that I may have missed? I'm trying really hard to good reason that might excuse this, but I really really can't. I assumed that once your children hit 18, that was pretty much it in terms of active parental meddling involvement in their lives, but apparently not.

Weegle Wed 10-Sep-08 21:17:08

I generally agree - and having worked in recruitment I have definitely seen more of a trend for parental involvement over the years, although never had one come in to the interview. However my father did once ring my boss to say I wasn't coming in - I had been in a car accident on the way to work and was in no fit state to be ringing myself.

snickersnack Wed 10-Sep-08 21:20:23

I wouldn't mind that, Weegle - I'd think that was fairly sensible. I think this more along the lines of "Johnny has a bit of a cold and needs to stay in bed today".

KVC Wed 10-Sep-08 21:31:23

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AMumInScotland Wed 10-Sep-08 21:36:43

You wonder what's going through anyone's mind if they think going to a job interview with their "child" is a good idea hmm. I mean, I can't think of much that would put them lower down my list of people to hire. I'd be worried they weren't capable of doing the job, and scared stiff the parent was going to be a nightmare round the workplace.

supercollider Wed 10-Sep-08 21:42:58

I think that the tone of that article was pretty snide. Obviously it's ridiculous to have your parents attend work with you, but I don't see that it's necessarily desirable or sensible to refuse to take any parental advice after the age of 18, either.

My mother attended one of my university open days with me. She just sat in the bar having coffee while I did the tour, had the interview etc - but I was interested to know what she thought about it. She was a wise soul and always gave very good advice, which I continued to take until she died. There's no way she would ever have attempted to negotiate with an employer on my behalf, but I sure as hell sought her counsel before approaching employers myself.

We don't sneer at people who approach friends or professional advisers for advice and help, so why are we sneering at those who use their parents?

Surely there's a middle way between having you dad perched on your desk at work, and saying that parents must never have any input (even if their children want them to).

KVC Thu 11-Sep-08 08:50:27

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Cappuccino Thu 11-Sep-08 08:57:50

" One in 10 of this year's half a million university applicants have ticked a new box on the form that enables them to name a parent or guardian as their agent, allowing them to act on their children's behalf in the fight to get a place at university."

oh ffs why not?

and their grandparents are driving them to open days MY GOD WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO DON'T THEY HAVE KNITTING TO DO

isn't it nice that young adults still respect their parents and grandparents enough to want them to be involved in their lives?

my mother made an appt with the osteopath for me the other day when she was in there. I am 38. Also I have talked quite a lot to her the last week or so about a job I am thinking of applying for.

Am I emotionally stunted in some way? is the Guardian talking about me? Or do I just have a lovely relationship with a wonderful woman who I respect and has done very well for me for the last nearly 4 decades?

pamelat Thu 11-Sep-08 08:58:32

I can't belive that anyone would take a parent (or anyone at all!) with them to a job interview (Uni is different)

Surely a job interview is about showing that you are competent.

Saying that, at 18 my mum "made" me apply for jobs wink and actually found the job advert which I subsequently applied for and was succcessful in - I think thats ok!

branflake81 Thu 11-Sep-08 09:00:57

I work in a University and we have parents phoning up all the time for the most ridiculous things. It really pisses me off. The students are, on the whole, not at all self sufficient. As soon as something goes wrong they cry down the phone to mummy and daddy without takiing any steps to resolve things themselves.

Cappuccino Thu 11-Sep-08 09:05:05

""We found that 80% say their parents have a lot or some influence." Just 2% said they had none at all - a far cry from my own experience in the 1980s, when my friends and I would rather have given up drinking for a year than ask our parents where we should go to university. Most of us knew the answer already - as far away as possible - whereas a growing number of today's undergraduates are studying at the university nearest to their family."

now let's think. Isn't it healthy and nice in an extended family way that young adults don't just want to piss off as soon as they can

and isn't it also about the fact that it used to be free to go to uni, and now it isn't, so it's cheaper to stay near home? And don't the parents usually PAY anyhow?

the idea that you are meant to junk your parents at 18 is a relatively new idea anyway, only a generation or two old. The extended family was going strong for years beforehand. What's wrong with it exactly?

and it's not new, either. 18-year-olds were inadequate and clueless 20 years ago as well

KVC Thu 11-Sep-08 09:22:55

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wannaBe Thu 11-Sep-08 09:29:56

I might get my mum to ring in sick for me if I was pulling a sicky to go to a job interview and didn't think I could lie convincingly grin.

I think it's about middle ground. I certainly don't think that parents should cease being involved in their children's lives once they turn 18, afte all, but I wouldn't want my parents attending my job interviews with me either.

Cappuccino Thu 11-Sep-08 10:09:11

yes but KVC we used to set the alarms off with toast when I was at uni in 1988

the point is, this is not 'new' behaviour as suggested in the article, it is not indicative of young adults being crapper than the last lot

18 year olds were always needy fecks with a range of bonkers relatives

KVC Thu 11-Sep-08 10:19:27

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Anchovy Thu 11-Sep-08 10:25:29

I have some involvement with graduate recruitment. You would be amazed at the number of parents who email or phone up for feedback when their child is not offered a job.

A usual comment "You do not understand, she is a very bright girl indeed". Yes, I do understand - she has been through a day long assessment under which a large number of competencies were tested and she is bright but others were brighter.

Partly I feel sorry for the candidates - they are educated in a system where they are given top marks, their parents tell them they are fantastic and can acheive anything and then we say - "oh well, not good enough for a job here, sorry". Often it is the first time they have not been successful and neither they nor their parents can comprehend why.

We also get requests for "a review of the decision making process". Erm, no.

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