Advanced search be pissed off with DH for ogling teenagers in Starbucks while I breastfed our baby right next to him?

(104 Posts)
badwife Wed 10-Sep-08 17:40:01

..even though I don't want to have sex with him at the moment? I didn't realise what he was looking at and then was really shocked and upset. Baby is 5 months old and we have only had sex once since he was born. I don't really want to, combination of low sex drive anyway (once a week was fine for me in the old days), exhaustion, still bf every 3 hours, not much opportunity (baby sleeps in our room). I think it will be different once I am bfing less and once DS is in his own room, but for the time being am just not up for it. Sitting up close on the sofa, holding hands, sleeping curled up together, hugs and kisses all fine...just don't want sex.

So, AIBU to be annoyed with him for leering at teenagers? They were about 15 or 16 and wearing tiny shorts. Made me feel about 100 years old and ugly.

He was upset with himself and apologised, said he didn't think they looked that young and he also realises it was pretty disrespectful to me, but also says he feels awful all the time because he is so frustrated.

aGalChangedHerName Wed 10-Sep-08 17:41:32

God what a shame for him eh?

Tell him to sort himself out and he'll not be frustrated!!

batters Wed 10-Sep-08 17:46:19


MarlaSinger Wed 10-Sep-08 17:50:41

He needs to get over himself. My DS is 10 months, and I have not had sex for... <thinks> 8 months

DP and I agreed to put that side of our relationship on hold - we are still affectionate, I just don't want sex at the moment (probably for as long as I am BF-ing).

Not sure if DP uses porn but am fine with it if he does, as he is giving me respect, and space.

allgonebellyup Wed 10-Sep-08 17:50:52


i wouldnt be too happy

Mostly because they are teenagers, ie big children

Janos Wed 10-Sep-08 17:56:01

YANBU. Hasn't he got any self control? How thoughtless.

It's almost as if it's calculated to make you feel bad (not saying that that was his intention OP, just thinking how it would make me feel).

maretta Wed 10-Sep-08 17:56:51

Really, I don't think it would bother me, I'd just tell him he was a saddo old man.

It won't be because you're not having sex, it will be because teenage girls are good to look at.

anyfucker Wed 10-Sep-08 17:56:55


frustrated bloke eyeing up teenage girls??

kick him in the nuts

whilst you are getting your mojo back, he has a right hand doesn't he?

Mimsy2000 Wed 10-Sep-08 17:57:27

yanbu - i'd be upset. imo men can really act like immature jerks right after the birth. it's all about them [hmmm]

Janos Wed 10-Sep-08 18:00:35

He should keep it to himself. Not start perving on young girls while he is with his wife and baby.

mayorquimby Wed 10-Sep-08 18:06:42

he only looked at them.
i think it's a complete over reaction by some on here.

If I saw a fit bloke in Starbucks I would ogle him, even if I was breastfeeding at the time and sat next to DH. grin

Janos Wed 10-Sep-08 18:10:06

I don't think so mayorquimby.

He is not wrong to find teenage girls attractive, quite natural. It's hardwired.

But doing it openly in front of your wife and baby isn't on. It's thoughtless at best.

AllFallDown Wed 10-Sep-08 18:10:42

He was just looking. Not ideal that they were teenagers, but goodness - do you lot never look at attractive men? (Man posting)

Janos Wed 10-Sep-08 18:12:41

Well, perhaps I am a little old fashioned but openly leering at someone when you are with your partner is rude and disrespectful.

And I think many mums on here will remember that they most certainly didn't feel at their best emotionally and physically just after having a baby and can relate to the OP's feelings. I certainly can.

noonki Wed 10-Sep-08 18:12:52

In his defence it is quite hard not to look at anybody wearing tiny shorts, part of human nature

and he apologised,

and wanting sex is pretty normal too

as is not wanting after a baby

15 is quite young though! (unless of course his is quite young too)

noonki Wed 10-Sep-08 18:13:37

( I mean not wanting to have a sex after a baby)

Janos Wed 10-Sep-08 18:13:47

"Not ideal that they were teenagers, but goodness - do you lot never look at attractive men?"

Yes, don't be soft.

But it's about context, is it not?

Upwind Wed 10-Sep-08 18:16:08

I have sniggered at my DH's flirting with a pretty girl who served us in a shop once. I think I would be upset if he was really leering at teenagers but I don't expect him to stop noticing, or being attracted to other women. I know that I've not stopped noticing attractive men.

Shoegazer Wed 10-Sep-08 18:16:52

It wouldn't bother me to be honest, it was only looking.

Janos Wed 10-Sep-08 18:20:42

If it was a casual glance then I wouldn't be concerned (putting myself in OP's shoes).

But leering (especially in this situation) is absolutely not on so OP is not unreasonable in being upset.

badwife Wed 10-Sep-08 18:20:45

Thanks everyone. It was like it didn't matter that I was even there which was not a nice feeling as we have a pretty close relationship and I am used to feeling like he only has eyes for me when I am in the room... Unrealistic I know especially given the circumstances.

badwife Wed 10-Sep-08 18:22:41

He wasn't really leering leering but he had a good look TWICE. I would have noticed if I had been them. The first time I didn't realise they were there and I had no idea what he was looking at and then they all got up to go past and I totally realised.

Janos Wed 10-Sep-08 18:23:49

OP, do you think you would be able to discuss it calmly with OP when you are feeling better?

Hopefully he will be able to reassure you.

Having a new baby is hard going!

ScottishMummy Wed 10-Sep-08 18:25:30

he looked,no biggie proves he's got a pulse.shouldn't have been so obvious though

if he acts upon it well that is a different matter

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