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to be cross/hurt that my friend blew me out for her messed up BF?

(4 Posts)
Tanee58 Wed 10-Sep-08 14:29:39

Her friends have been so supportive of her through a difficult marriage, protracted divorce, and a new relationship with a man she met on the Net, who wines and dines her and then drops her without warning because his exwife and daughters (in their 20s) won't accept her.

Last month he did it again, she phoned saying her world was falling apart, he has driven her to counselling, she is not going to let him back into her life, drove 200 miles to return everything he'd ever given her etc etc. She was planning a trip to the theatre as a joint birthday treat for them, but asked if I would like to go instead. I said yes, texted the week before (as I knew he'd been back in touch) to confirm, she said of course the ticket was still mine.

So last week I texted to wish her a happy birthday, and said 'see you Saturday, what time to meet?' and got a txt from her saying so so sorry, the BF has been going through hell, so she agreed to see him after all, didn't I get her email (er - no hmm, hope I'm not cross.

So thanks, friend of 23 years. I txted back that I was cross, but only because I didn't trust him not to hurt her again, and to please be very careful as from her own words, he's playing some weird mindgames with her. No word from her since, and going by previous experience, we won't hear from her until he does it again - and he will.

Trying to be reasonable, she obviously is dazzled by this guy (only met him myself once, not hugely impressed though he has loads of money) - but I do feel she has broken the code of female friendship - not to break an arrangement with your girlfriends without Very Good Reason. (she has not told me what his 'hell' was, but presumably it's to do with his other family, who have seen off his second wife and numerous girlfriends).

Of course, the ticket was intended for him in the first place, so maybe I am being UR - but I do feel let down.

VinegarTits Wed 10-Sep-08 14:37:17

YANBU to be cross/hurt, i would be too, i have a rule to not let friends down for a man (unless there is a very good reason), i would let her know that i was disappointed that she let you down for a man who is constantly letting her down

Tanee58 Wed 10-Sep-08 15:13:05

Thanks Vinegar, I agree, there would have to be a very good reason, and he's let her down over and over again for two years, always calling a few days later (she said, when he's feeling randy) to beg her back and claim she's the love of his life hmm. I'd even spent time trawling ethnic gift shops to find her a special little gift (which I like so much, I'm tempted to keep it for myself!) I thought I'd give it a few days - especially as I have my own problems with DP making me feel even more vulnerable - and then phone her. Apart from anything else, I want to know she's ok.

ethanchristopher Wed 10-Sep-08 21:33:14

i would keep the gift and get her chocolate tbh

yanbu

he sounds like a prick

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