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AIBU to not want DH's family present when I give birth?

(198 Posts)
ruthosaurus Wed 10-Sep-08 14:06:04

DH was present at our nephew's birth, to support middle brother and girlfriend, and wants his younger brother to be there as a backup (for him, not me) when I have our baby. I get on really well with YBIL but really don't want him to see me in the throes of labour/birth. It's my first child so I don't know exactly what to expect, but friendly advice leads me to believe it won't be the most dignified thing I ever do and I only want DH there. Plus I hear I may be [gasp] naked.

He did suggest his mum as an alternative hmm. I also get on well with her, but I don't even want my own mum there. He also suggested having them waiting outside so that they are there if he needs them, but I'm a little unsure if I'm comfortable about that. But I do know it's not all about what I want, so am feeling guilty.

AIBU to deny DH this level of family support? I am dead keen to see everyone and introduce them to the baby when it's is safely here and I've had the chance to have a shower and put a clean nightie on.

traceybath Wed 10-Sep-08 14:07:59

There's no way i'd have had anyone but my DH there. To be honest for second (was a c-section) he wasn't there as was looking after our eldest (it was boxing day so no available friends).

What does he mean as back-up exactly? Is he expecting to faint or something?

Bringbackmybonnietome Wed 10-Sep-08 14:08:22

Actually when giving birth it is exactly about what you want.

One of the only times it exclusively is.

Your Dh is being very unreasonable, he should forget his 'needs. and just ask waht you want.

ninja Wed 10-Sep-08 14:08:22

you really may not want someone else there - it's not dignified!!


WideWebWitch Wed 10-Sep-08 14:08:25

What? How odd! Say no, it's YOUR body and frankly there's nfw I'd have wanted anyone there except dh and the mdiwives.

Say NO, no no. you are the one giving birth, he doesn't need support in that way, you do!

MakemineaGandT Wed 10-Sep-08 14:08:39

YANBU. Very weird request I think! Is he American? They are keen on a family bun fight to accompany a birth!

WideWebWitch Wed 10-Sep-08 14:09:05

How odd also that your dh was at nephew's birth. I think that's a bit strange too tbh.

flipflopper Wed 10-Sep-08 14:09:08

OMG! shock


tiktok Wed 10-Sep-08 14:09:26

Oh dear - just say NO! shock

What a horrible thought!

What on earth is your DH thinking of?

If you don't want him there, there should be no discussion about it.

Personally, I wouldn't want them hanging about outside the door, either. They can wait for a phone call, surely.

anyfucker Wed 10-Sep-08 14:09:31

what you want is paramount

when I gave birth just DH was there

anyone else was outside in the waiting room, even my mum and sister. MIL was at home, waiting for news.

if he pushes for more he is being unreasonable (and a bit weird IMO)

Sparkletastic Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:02

What does he want his family there for exactly?! TBH it is all down to you and he is there to support you - he doesn't need a 'stunt-double' for that surely? hmm

I'd deffo put my foot down about this - as you say in all likelihood you'll end up naked, covered in goop, and quite possibly swearing like a good'un. Best keep that between the two of you IMO!!

Best of luck grin

LittleMyDancing Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:05

Hmmm, I can see how DH might want some support, but you are the one who is going to be labouring, and to be honest if you're not comfortable with those people in the room then tough luck for him.

Labour won't progress if you're tense and upset, and you need to be able to be naked and undignified without worrying about people seeing you.

I think you need to put your foot down. Are you having a home birth or hospital? You could have them outside if it was hospital on the understanding that they don't come in unless you have expressly said they can - your midwife will help make sure your wishes are respected! To be honest though, most hospitals will be very negative about people hanging around outside, and it could take hours!

compo Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:14

it's up to you who you want there
I told dh no way would anyone be there
i was very mean too and only let my parents visit me in hospital
Leaking on to the bed sheets - blood and milk, being in my nightie etc was not something I wanted inlaws seeing

WideWebWitch Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:18

Agree, don't agree to them hanging around outside, tell them you'll call them.

MadreInglese Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:29


It's not about what support your DH needs, while you are in labour his sole role is to support you

combustiblemelon Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:31

Er, surely he should be supporting you. You're the one giving birth, and if you don't want anyone but him- even your own mother- then that's how it should be. Stress/anxiety isn't going to help you have a good delivery. You should be as relaxed as possible.

shergar Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:40

Definitely YANBU. Your DH, however, is. It's up to you who you want to have at the birth, and trying to labour and deliver in front of people you are not comfortable with has been proven to slow the whole process down. So do what YOU want.

Tortington Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:44

tell him to shove off - what does he want support doing exactly?


tell your dh to get a pair of balls and also tell him you dont want your brother in law or your mother in law looking at your cunt.

compo Wed 10-Sep-08 14:10:53

would would her dh need support?
I really don't get that!

MaryAnnSingleton Wed 10-Sep-08 14:11:10

you must be the one to choose who is there ! dh was the only one with me,though my parents were in the hospital (I was quite surprised that they'd turned up actually) - I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there.

compo Wed 10-Sep-08 14:11:14

why would her dh need support ? agree with custy

WideWebWitch Wed 10-Sep-08 14:11:48

go custy, quite.

more Wed 10-Sep-08 14:12:09

YANBU, anyway he will not have time to go out to them for moral support, he will be busy with being pushed from one side of the room to the other by the midwives, nurses, doctors and being told to do this, do that, holding your hand etc. etc.

compo Wed 10-Sep-08 14:13:35

labour is boring for everyone except the person giving birth
even your dh will be bored
mine fell asleep until the pushing stage grin

more Wed 10-Sep-08 14:13:47

Tell him they can come in if he strips down and let everyone have a good look at him whilst he is squatting in front of them at the same time grin.

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