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to be sick of this woman asking for favours

(14 Posts)
flipflopper Wed 10-Sep-08 12:04:10

Started new thread as forgot title in last one!

A mum of one of dd's classmates is someone that i used to be friendly with a long time ago, but she went away and recently moved back, She has moved nearby to me, but we dont see each other outside of the school run.

She started off asking for the occasional lift to school, which was fine, and I occasionally picked her dd up from school and dropped her off at home.

This I really dont mind doing as its not really out of my way, however, not its a couple of times a week i get a text at about 2pm to ask if i can collect her dd (she works a couple of nights so it means she can have a bit longer in bed? (I also work but arrange it so i can take and collect dd and i also have a ds at nursery, so am busy)

Normally i just say yes, but my dh keeps saying she is taking the p*ss and she never offers to help me, not that I need her to, but it would be nice to hav the offer.

Yesterday I said no i couldnt pick her up as i was going somewhere straight after school. Then when i collected my dd she said 'are we not taking x home?' the girl had told my dd she was coming with us so the mum had obviously told her before she had asked me!

AIBU or am i being a doormat?

PoorOldEnid Wed 10-Sep-08 12:05:30

yanbu

but you need to have it out face to face with friend as it isnt fair to her dd for her dd to be unsure as to who she is going home with

nametaken Wed 10-Sep-08 12:08:42

no you're not being unreasonable. I hate this, I work nights precisely so that I can sleep in the day and be there to pick them up at 3.

The problem is, telling her. You shouldn't have to lie. If she's texting you at 2 she's obviously awake. Try sending her a jokey text back, saying "get out of bed and pick her up yourself madam"

I donna, maybe someone else can think of something better to say.

Could you ignore her text and say you didn't get it?

PoorOldEnid Wed 10-Sep-08 12:09:48

yy I would ignore first of all

coppertop Wed 10-Sep-08 12:19:45

She's taking the p*ss.

If it were me I'd probably text her at 2pm to ask if she can collect your dd from school. When she says no then you can feel absolutely guilt-free in saying no the next time she asks you for help.

nametaken Wed 10-Sep-08 12:25:54

I like it coppertop grin

PoorOldEnid Wed 10-Sep-08 12:26:30

good one

Aero Wed 10-Sep-08 12:33:35

Start charging her a taxi fare!!

Dh did this when he got p*ed off with a neighbour constantly asking us to use our tumble dryer (which we hardly use ourselves unless it's pouring!) to dry her sopping wet clothes.

Problem instantly solved. He charged her £4 once and she hasn't asked since! Wish I'd have been brave enough to do it, but it definitely worked.

flipflopper Wed 10-Sep-08 12:35:02

Thing is I dont really need her to do me a favour and I also have to pick ds up at the same time, so wouldnt ask her to do it unless I was really desperate, i have got other friends i would ask before her.
Have tried ignoring the texts and saying phone battery is dead, but she just keeps on asking!

nametaken Wed 10-Sep-08 12:36:12

Aero the tumble dryer incident is funny but the OP said she wasn't going out of her way so I don't really see how she can ask for a contribution towards petrol.

batters Wed 10-Sep-08 12:36:15

flipflopper - so you said no to the mum re collecting her dd but she still didn't turn up? Wow.

YANBU.

Aero Wed 10-Sep-08 12:45:32

True enough nt, but if she's constantly wanting a lift, it wouldn't be out of order to ask her share the cost.

YA definitely NBU.

misselizabethbennett Wed 10-Sep-08 12:47:36

This 'friend' is definitely being unreasonable, but it's a tricky situation to tackle.

I think the shared school run can work really well but only if its a reciprocal arrangement that is roughly equal.

I've had sharing arrangement with my neighbour for 2 years, but now she has a younger child starting nursery. She asked me if I would take the younger child as well, and I said no. It felt really mean but I don't have a younger child so the deal would become too one-sided and I knew I would resent it. As a result, she's called a halt to the whole sharing thing which is a shame, but we can't continue if there are more favours one side than the other. There's no way I would accept more lifts than I was giving.

Could you maybe contact this friend and say you're happy to help one day a week, but because you want to make plans after school you need to know which day it is. That way, she knows she is only getting one lift only and you've given the impression that you're not available on the other days.

flipflopper Wed 10-Sep-08 13:57:08

She send her son who is older to pick her up, but the poor girl never knows who is coming for her, I do feel sorry for her, I would never do that to my dd, she always knows who is picking her up.

I already have an arrangement with another friend- she takes my dd 2 mornings while i am at work and I pick up her dd as and when and look after her for a few hours, so it works out fair.

I feel like im being a bit petty as I am going anyway, but it upsets me a bit that she hasnt offered to repay the favour.

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