To not want neighbours two girls in and out of my house all day, every day wanting this and that?

[SammyK]

Ok I am a cm, and my 8yr old mindee has struck up a friendship with my new neighbours two daughters who are similar in age.

They are in and out all the time, just walking in the house without knowcking, and were banging on my living room window all through tea, wanting mindee to come back out. Mindee also says can we all have juice/a snack/etc.

I am struggling with money so canot afford to feed and drink other people's kids who live two doors away, and don't need extra children here when I am super duper busy.

Also I am not sure of their exact ages and Ihave to be careful of ratios for my insurance.

I am also cautious as my SIL has always been soft on this, and now has kids constantly in and out of hers, asking for meals/drinks/etc - sometimes their parent even send them round to hers and go off to pub!

Am I being a big meanie?
They alll play in my back garden BTW, at my invitation, and I don't mind this, just don't want to feel put upon, hav enough on without extra responsibilities. (sp?)

[bloomingfedup]

YANBU. I am glad (in someways) that we are quite isolated this would piss me off big time. Be firm and lock the door.

[Twiglett]

put your foot down and give them rules

You may come when invited to play in the garden. You may not come inside unless invited. When asked to go home you leave immediatelyu. You do not knock on window. Do you understand? If you want a drink or something to eat then go home and get it.

[TheProvincialLady]

If your mindee was behaving like this to the neighbours down the road, what would you do? Presumably you would tell her it is NOT acceptable and lay the law down as to what is. You need to do the same with these children. Tell them you can't afford to give them juice or snacks and you cannot have ANYONE wandering in and out of your house without permission because of security. And banging on your windows will result in the mindee not being able to play. If you are soft they will treat you as such.

[WigWamBam]

Send them away - "X can't play today, you will have to go back home".

You should probably lock the door as well ... apart from anything else, if they can get in, your mindees can get out!

[Miaou]

YANBU. My next door neighbour has three children and I have four. When they first moved in it became clear that their children were desperate to climb over our (low) fence to come and play in our garden. I said no, it was taken fine, and now they love peeping over the fence and chatting to each other. They however have not said no to other neighbours' kids and I notice that sometimes they will have up to 10 children in their garden (and no other parents in sight!) and I know for a fact they are not always happy about it!

[SammyK]

Oh thanks {breathes sigh of relief}

One of them come in while I was getting everyones pud ready and asked to use my loo - she lives 2 doors away! I told her to pop home.

Blooming I did lock the door whilst we were eating main, but that didn't deter them!

I am a softie really and feel awful but I know the 3 girls in question will just push and push until I am totally peeved, so am digging my heels in on this one!

[MaureenMLove]

Why don't you tell them, that because you are a CM, you cannot have them in and out of the house all day. Tell them, they are welcome to play in the garden, when your mindees are out there, but once you go back inside, that's the end of it. (Tell them its an OFSTED ruling or something. Lets face it, there's bound to be a rule anyway!) Tell the parents too. There's no need to be brash and rude about it, just say its rules from Ofsted!

[TheInvisableManDidIt]

go to their parents, say 'it's lovely your girls enjoy being in my house, and by the way here's details of how much I charge. If they want to come for juice/ playtime it'll be x amount'

Parents in my street were deliberatly sending their children round to mine when they knew she was watching my ds's. Dh overheard them in the local shop basically sying 'she's being paid for it anyway, whats a couple more'. put a stop to that VERY quickly.

[hecate]

No. Not unreasonable imo. Coming into your house without knocking is terrible. I hope you order them straight back out again and tell them to NEVER just walk into your house! (if not, may I advise you do! )

As to snacks - say no. You send them home. "If you are hungry, go home and get something, you can always come back after. Off you go then."

And even more important to be careful if there's any doubt about insurance or anything - out of interest, if ofsted came round, what would happen? Would these kids count in any way for your numbers or whatever? (apols for lack of understanding of childminding law!)

[SammyK]

WWB mindees cant get out, safety gate in place from play room/kitchen door to trap em in!

Miaou, I sppose with you both having three or four dcs, it would be a bit too much for either of you at times, I often have a full house too and that is what puts me off!

[TheInvisableManDidIt]

should have said when they knowe my cm was watching my dss

[SammyK]

I did think mum may be weighing me up as free childcare , met her for first time yest as lent her a screwdriver(kids walked in with mindee and asked for one), and her opening line was 'aren't you a babysitter or something?'

I have not been giving them juice or food, but needed reassurance I wasn't turning into cruelladevil!

I think youngest would count on my ratios, TBH I don't care, I am working and if I'm not being paid why take on extra work!

Will toughen up next time they wander in and lay down the law.

[MaureenMLove]

'aren't you a babysitter or something'!? What a delight she sounds! Nip this in the bud right now, my dear!

[expatinscotland]

Can you have a word with the mindees' parents?

Put your foot down now. I agree with everyone's suggestions, locking the door, saying NO when they knock on the door, etc.

[noonki]

YANBU-

my mates were always in and out each other's houses without knocking until my friend went into another mates house only to find her very shocked parents at it in the living room!!!

I wouldn't suggest this a method to stop them though, think ofsted may have words

[SammyK]

Will mention to mindee's carer, this is my high need mindee, placed with me by Social Services and I know she has done similar at carers, wandering into neighbours homes, etc.

Will explain to all involved I can't care for children in an unofficail capacity, due to Ofsted rules ned to have payment contracts, contact details, permission slips signed etc! That should do it.

[expatinscotland]

Yes, and your insurance won't cover you if they get hurt whilst on your property so you can't have them there.

You don't need this.

You've got enough on your plate as it is.

I'd start locking the door, too.

[overthemill]

yanbu, they need to understand that while its ok when they are invited, otherwise it is disrupting your JOB

[SammyK]

Thanks

So relieved my AIBU thread went well!

[pagwatch]

sammyk
it is also easier to set down clear rules in a friendly way now than have to be cross and hostile when it gets worse.
Just smile and say no. its fine ( they don't actually have to like you all the time for you to be good at your job you know)

[SammyK]

I have been smiling and saying no.

I doesn't deter them!

Will they eventually get the message?

Mindee and carer have now had 'the talk' about my neighbour's dcs, and when I see neighbour I will tell her too. I'm sure my mindees don't like me all the time anyway, so not fussed about that!

[pagwatch]

in that case def lock them out until they do get it

[kt14]

YANBU, not at all. TBH it would get right on my nerves very quickly. Would hate to think my ds' were beomg such a pain to someone else.
Agree with Maureenmlove, nip it right in the bud!