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i know i am NOT BU but come and help me argue my case.

(20 Posts)
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 08-Sep-08 09:22:25

okay so we have bought a house that needed a lot more work than we realised. also our builder has developed health problems and is just basically taking his time <which is fair enough as he has just had a heart attack and is working for next to nothing>. due to this our house is not ready to move into yet and we are still in my rented house.

i chose dd1's nursery before we bought this house so i chose on that was closest to my rented house <a five min walk for me ten with dd> i decided that when we move it will be impractical to send her to the attatched <that and tis not a v good school and leads on to a terrible secondary>

the school i have chose is 20/30 mins walk with dd1 depending on how many times she stops to look at the beck <we walk through a park> which i think is reasonable. its is only 15 mins on my own.

my family were not happy with this choice but i ignored hoping that when she starts at this school they would shut up. and most have apart from my nan who is still going on and on and on and on............arrrrrrrrrrgh!

hlp me build an argument against her and show her how silly her arguments are.

my reasons for choosing the school are;
1) she is my child and it is my choice which school she goes to.
2) we will be moving during this school year meaning that she will then be a ten minute walk away but will be 40 mins away from the other school
3) it is better school with better equipment and leads to a better secondary
4) if we stay in the same area which we are planning on the secondary attatched to the other school will be impractical as it would take dd nearly an hour to get there. the other would be about a 20 min bus ride.

my nans arguments against my choice and for her choice are.
1) her new school is too far away <yes from where we are now but not when we move>
2) we could send her to the other school just for now as we might not actually move <no we enjoy spending all our life savings on a house we dont intend on moving into hmm plus what do i do when i do move? walk for 40 mins to from and school or change her halfway through a school year?>
3) her new school is too far away from my nans and she picks her up every monday and some fridays. she now wont do this i have to take dd1 to her <yes it is very practical choosing a school based on where she lives because dd1 goes there 1 -2 times a week hmm. what about the other 3 - 4 days? plus i dont ask her take dd she wants her. i appreciate her help and would like dd to be close to her and see her often so i will walk dd to her house after school on a monday even though it is an hours walk. she drives i dont>
4) we all went to that school <well that is just a silly reason. i also started smoking and drinking at 13, smoking weed at 15 and left home at 17 should we hope that dd1 does that too? oooo wait i wonder if that was anything to do with my peer group. you know the one i went to these wonderfull schools with?>

please help me come up with more reasons for my school and help me show her how silly and selfish her reasons are before i end up saying something i regret. dd1 adores her and sh holds a grudge for a long time.

Lauriefairycake Mon 08-Sep-08 09:27:40

she appears stuck with her mad opinion - you do not have to justify your adult decisions to anyone. Just nod and go "uh-uh", repeat ad-nauseum.

Then when you've moved you may find she shuts the fuck up of her own accord and you can smile silently to yourself.

Surfermum Mon 08-Sep-08 09:36:14

I agree, you don't have to justify it any more to her, in fact you don't have to justify it at all.

She has her opinion, you have yours. They're not the same. Don't get drawn into wanting to make her look silly or selfish - just accept that she has a different point of view to yours and be happy with the decision you have made.

Romy7 Mon 08-Sep-08 09:38:11

wouldn't bother arguing. waste of time. smile sweetly and take her off to your chosen school.

batters Mon 08-Sep-08 09:38:48

she's your child. Your decision. You're the one with power. Let your nan whitter on, her opinions don't actually have to matter to you.

Uriel Mon 08-Sep-08 09:38:52

I think she's worried about seeing less of your dd. If you reassure her, perhaps she'll give it a rest.

Your reasons are more than enough.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 08-Sep-08 09:43:09

yes i know you are all right but she annoys me so much. i know that if i do take dd there after school she is going to start with "are you tired dd1. you must b walking all that way. poor dd1. if you had sent her to the other school i would have been able to pick her up" and i will feel like screaming "you still can pick her up you stupid woman. you drive dont you? it would take you ten minutes" arrrrgh! i suppose you are all right and i need to just smile and nod and hopefully she will get bored. but i snap easily at times.

there have already been a few heated arguments over this as she has a habit of bringing it up in front of th rest of the family who all agree with her of course.

Lauriefairycake Mon 08-Sep-08 09:44:47

sounds like your family are bizarrely treating you like a child, incapable of making your own decisions hmm

and don't argue with them (I appreciate that is really hard)

tiggerlovestobounce Mon 08-Sep-08 10:00:36

You dont need to argue with them. This is up to you and has nothing to do with them really. FWIW your reasoning seems sound, and I think in your position I would have done the same as you.

I wouldnt go onto the details with your family. It sounds like you have already discussed the situation with them. Just smile and ignore smile

KVC Mon 08-Sep-08 10:18:54

Message withdrawn

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 08-Sep-08 10:24:39

thanks kvc thats really interestiing. dd1 is very active and her old nursery had problems getting her to sit still for longer periods of time but this school hasnt mentioned any problems with her energy levels as yet.

dd1's school opens 15 mins early to ensure that all children are in their seats ready to learn by 9am but you are not marked late unless you hare later than 9. we have been aiming to get there for 8:45am to ensure she doesnt get late marks and we have made it every day so lateness is not an issue its just a matter of making sure that i am organised the night before for the net morning.

KVC Mon 08-Sep-08 10:28:19

Message withdrawn

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 08-Sep-08 10:30:29

well i am only one week in!! im sure we will be doing a lot of running this year!! lol. actually its been a lot easier than i thought but i was so ready for the weekend. dd however was her usual bouncy self. dd2 slept half the days all last week. i dont think she likes getting up early.

PinkTulips Mon 08-Sep-08 10:39:04


you know she's mad and you're already going out of your way for her madness.... just zone out and think of your happy place when she starts ranting and keep doing with your daughter what you think is best

PinkTulips Mon 08-Sep-08 10:44:05

and for what it's worth i walk 1/2 mile with dd every morning to playschool, it takes us about 20/30 mins (she's 3) and the days she walks to PS and back she's a differant child to the days dp drives her..... it really is good for them to get the excercise and dd loves walking. and ds who's 2 has started refusing the buggy in favour of walking too... they really do enjoy it at that age and some days it might be the only proper excercise thay gets so well worth the time it takes

LazyLinePainterJane Mon 08-Sep-08 10:51:44

You do not need to build an argument. IMO, you just need to build up your selective deafness grin

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Mon 08-Sep-08 10:53:36

yes well she loves walking through the park especially when there is water in the beck <after rain> i think ill have to set off a b it earlier in the morning as the beck is full and she was loving throwing sticks in there and watching them float under the bridges.

BUT it seems we have a breakthrough!! hallejua!! my thread was in response to a text this morning "dont forget if dd1 is coming here you will have to pick her up and bring her here" my reply "okay but we might be a bit late as its a very long walk for dd" she has just phoned to ask if there is parking near the school <yes> and will now collect dd herself.

im sure she will still think that dd1 should have to gone to other school but at least we are getting somewhere.

3andnomore Mon 08-Sep-08 10:55:58

erm...I think that it is non of her business...and therefore you don't need to argue your point...especially as you seem to be the sne party in this grin

I would just say, you wish not to discuss it any further and it is to late anyway to change, what is the point in talking about it!

TracyK Mon 08-Sep-08 11:00:12

Gosh - makes me sooo grateful for my mum and in laws. They drive 45 mins to pick up ds one day a week each, turn round and drive 45 mins back to their house.

I always feel bad about it - but they ask to do it.

Mumi Mon 08-Sep-08 11:56:22

Glad there's been a breakthrough!

It's your DD's happiness which is most important, not her nan's and it seems that your DD is happy so that's that. Your school run sounds especially lovely, I always enjoy the morning walk across the park with my DS too smile

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