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To assume there is no such thing as the perfect mother

(14 Posts)
roseability Sun 07-Sep-08 22:28:58

So many threads alluding to what mothers should and shouldn't be doing

So what makes a good mother?

What makes a perfect mother?

Have we created a post modern ideal that is actually damaging to womankind?

Would mothering be more fun if we all just stopped judging one another

MsHighwater Sun 07-Sep-08 22:30:42

YANBU, of course.

AbbaFan Sun 07-Sep-08 22:33:27

Nobody's perfect.

TheCrackFox Sun 07-Sep-08 22:34:20

YABU - of course I am the perfect mother and you should all worship at my alter. wink

unknownrebelbang Sun 07-Sep-08 22:41:06

Foxy, if you were that perfect, you wouldn't want others to worship you wink

steviesgirl Sun 07-Sep-08 23:19:00

The perfect mother doesn't exist. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded. There is imperfection in everything. That's what makes us human.

Reginaphilangy Sun 07-Sep-08 23:19:55

Clearly you haven't met me yet ...

wink

NappiesGalore Sun 07-Sep-08 23:22:04

im pretty fucking perfect.
even my imperfections are carefully calculated to balance out the general perfection, so my dc (and the world in general) get to have some self esteem in the overwhelming shadow of my all-encompassing perfection.
[benign smile]

Blu Sun 07-Sep-08 23:23:22

I am not a perfect mother, I am not a perfect person.

But I AM the perfect mother for DS.

Or the best he'll get - and quite adequate, at that.

I refuse to engage with any competition, guilt-tripping or fay self-immoliation over the whole thing!

YANBU.

roseability Sun 07-Sep-08 23:23:58

I make perfect chocolate brownies, I must be on my way

S1ur Sun 07-Sep-08 23:29:11

No. You are wrong.

Well a bit wrong. There is no perfect ideal but, but , but.. there is lots of perfects to think about.

By discussing ideals on here or elsewhere, you form your own set of ideal ways of parenting. Which is good and useful - so long as you don't forget that it is only an ideal. In other words - some things to strive for most of the time, rather than a standard to hold yourself to at all times.

What makes parenting more fun is enjoying it.

Enjoying it means not beating yourself up when it isn't perfect, rather than not having any parenting 'perfects' to aim for.

NappiesGalore Sun 07-Sep-08 23:34:23

i refer any and all who may be stressing about the perfection of their parenting, to the following two lovely, stress/guilt busting books:
letting go as children grow and what mothers do - especially when it looks like nothing

ethanchristopher Sun 07-Sep-08 23:38:52

i think you just have to watch desperate housewives to realise that no matter how hard we try you cannot be the perfect mother

i think whatever you do somebody will always be there to judge and point of your imperfections

but lets not stop trying. its all part of the "motherhood" job despcription wink

wehaveallbeenthere Sun 07-Sep-08 23:42:41

With your first child you make all the mistakes. You keep trying though. With your second and third the personalities are different..so it is much like your first. You keep trying though. Perfection is nothing more than someones ideal. It is the trying to get there that counts.
It would be so much easier if children were like automobiles. They would come with an owners manual, you would know when to take them in for maintenance and when something truly goes wrong you would have a professional know exactly what to do to fix the problem. Maybe a few you could even trade in for a new model (just kidding there).
Just the idea that you want to be perfect is good enough!

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