Hi, I have an old friend who I have known for years. She split up from her husband about 18 months ago and since then has become increasingly intolerable.
I don't know whether what she says is true or not. The things she says about her ex husband are awful and it seems like he is behaving really badly, refusing to see one of their children and being horrible to her. However, I also think she is refusing to let him see the children.
She only talks about herself and her misery and although I really feel for her about her marriage break up she is in a much better situation than many people e.g financially. She will get the sum of the house about £250k when it is sold. She does however have to try to get a job for the first time in 15 years.
I do feel sorry for her but I am also a single parent (of one not 3 children) but have never received a single penny from my ex. I also think she is wallowing to the extent it is becoming really selfish. She thinks her situation is worse than anyone else's and is totally disinterested in talking about anything apart from herself.
She also says things like she will only live in a certain area (where houses are about £300k) and how children shouldn't have after school care/childminders cos it is not fair on them when this is what I have always had to do (I have always balance part time work with very little money in order to spend as much time with my DS but not working was never an option for me). So she makes me feel guilty for working.
When I last saw her I told her my Dad was really ill and how he was seeing a consultant in another town in preparation for an operation. She said I should be going with him. But for me the issue is childcare, my Dad and I have agreed that it is not appropriate for my son to go and I don't have many options of someone to leave him with overnight. So, as one of his Godmothers, I said, 'could you have him overnight (he is 6)so that I could go with my Dad?' and she said she couldn't possibly as she is a single parent of 3!
I have offered to help her many, many times. I have offered to have her 3 stay with me for a night, weekend, week. I have enough space and experience with children but she doesn't take me up on it.
Now a couple of friends of mine have said to me they don't want to meet up again if she is there. Last time we went out for example she said how noone understands what it is like for her etc to a friend of mine who is a single parent of 4 and has no money at all.
My other friend said afterwards that she'd rather not see her again.
I don't know what to do, she is a good friend and I want to help but has become such hard work. I don't know if I am being intolerant, I am trying really hard not to be or what I should do.
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my old friend has gone off the rails since her separation.
56 replies
susia · 07/09/2008 21:14
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