Talk

Advanced search

to be annoyed that every year my ex husbands family send dd a card and gift addressing dd with their surname when she has mine and has since she was a baby.

(39 Posts)
twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:20:24

Her father never does it and it just confuses dd who has never used that surame.

I don;t see his family but have asked politely though ex husband if they could use the correct surname.

I am not sure why it annoys me so much but it does as well as annoying dp.

naturalblonde Sun 07-Sep-08 14:21:46

YANBU. That would irritate me too.

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:23:06

Part of me thinks I am being petty and that it is just writing on an envelope. But they do know that is not her name and they are a very unpleasant bunch.

lingle Sun 07-Sep-08 14:23:45

YANBU. would it cheer you up at all to learn that my family insist on sending all birthday, etc, cards to me addressed as Mrs G (husband's name) (like Mrs Arthur Jones) even though I did not change my name when I got married?
My husband's family, on the contrary, respect my decision and use my real name!

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:24:55

That is worse lingle. Is it worth saying anything to be ex, we get on quite well or just letting it go.

StayFrosty Sun 07-Sep-08 14:30:35

YANBU at all, they should call her by her proper name. They are the ones being petty (and very passive aggressive to boot), not you. You could start sending incorrectly addressed things back with 'not known at this address' on if you really want to sink to their level grin

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:31:35

I had a very vidictive moment when that occured to me, I am quite ashamed to admit, but then I would be sinking to their level.

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:32:37

There is the remote possibility that my ex has not told them but that is very remote and I am certain that we have sent party invites using dd surname.

StayFrosty Sun 07-Sep-08 14:35:14

You are not being vindictive at all, it is your right to have people address your dd correctly. They are being very weird about it, there is something aggressive and arsey in their insistence on doing this. It is just plain rude of them. If they refuse to listen to your polite request, maybe tis time to start returning things to them.

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:36:11

That would just upset dd, although she does think it is odd that she gets things from them in the wrong name.

FabioBadAssCat Sun 07-Sep-08 14:36:51

Send them a copy of her birth certificate.

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:36:51

Her dad is down to stay with is for a few days soon I will something to him then rather than over the phone.

StayFrosty Sun 07-Sep-08 14:38:16

How old is your LO twinset?

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:41:18

She has their name on the birth certificate, her dad decided he did not want to be a dad just after she was born and so dd and I had to leave. It was decided by me and her dad that she would be better of with my name so it was changed when dd was about two, DD has only ever known herself as having my surname. DD will be 7 next week.

Overmydeadbody Sun 07-Sep-08 14:44:48

send them a copy of the deed poll then.

I would be mightily pissed off too, and would probalby over-react and be vindictive and send the post back marked 'not known at this address' but tbh, I know I overreact in these situations blush

It's just as well the ex inlaws cut me off when I left their son grin

LittleBella Sun 07-Sep-08 14:45:41

Not unreasonable to be annoyed, no.

But I don't think I'd say anything. They are obviously extremely bad-mannered twats and will therefore be delighted to have needled you, if it gets back to them that you have expressed annoyance. (Which doubtless it will.)

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:48:22

lol Overmydeadbody.

Oh they will delight in having needled me. It has really annoyed dp though and feel a bit disloyal in not saying anything. But then part of me thinks that dp is being unreasonable in being annoyed. I think he takes it as them wanting to deny his existence when he is the closest dd has to a father.

LazyLinePainterJane Sun 07-Sep-08 14:48:38

I think the best thing you can do is put them on the spot, call them and ask why they are using the wrong surname.

StayFrosty Sun 07-Sep-08 14:48:54

Could your dd perhaps correct them when she writes her thank you notes? I mean, she is bothered by it herself, so could she put something like 'thank you for my lovely present etc etc looking forward to seeing you soon. By the way, my name is X not Y, please could you call me this from now on?'

Then this stops it being about possible hostility between you and them and makes it about a little girl wanting to be called her proper name.

Anna8888 Sun 07-Sep-08 14:49:32

YANBU. Very irritating - and you are not being petty, they are.

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:50:31

I don;t see them, ever for reasons I don't want to go into.

DD would not want to write that, but she does sign all of her cards and letters to them with her surname, I am sure.

UnquietDad Sun 07-Sep-08 14:51:34

Have you officially told them that her name is yours? We have this problem with my niece. The mother does not communicate with us and so we have never been properly told, which I resent.

Anna8888 Sun 07-Sep-08 14:53:56

My daughter is called Xxx [DP's surname] - [my surname)

She gets called by her real surname, by DP's surname and by mine. It doesn't really bother me hugely - but then, she is never being called by a wrong name, just an incomplete one.

traceybath Sun 07-Sep-08 14:54:45

To give them the benefit of the doubt perhaps ex-h hasn't mentioned that your daughter's name has been changed? Don't know your situation but if he decided he didn't want to be a dad perhaps he doesn't feel particularly proud of that and so hasn't told his parents of the name change.

Not sure why your DP is so annoyed really - your daughter doesn't have his surname does she? If she does then i do understand him being annoyed.

I do understand why you're annoyed though - but i wouldn't mention it to them. Just say to your daughter they get a bit confused - does she see them in person? If so perhaps she could just say something to them.

twinsetandpearls Sun 07-Sep-08 14:54:48

I have invited them to dd parties, which under the circumstances is very good of me. They refuse to speak to me and dp even though we are always very polite to them, even though inside they make my blood boil with rage. They simply sit in a corner making rude comments about the other people there. My ex had to sign papers to change her name and therefore I would assume that he has told them. He was very happy to make the change. As I said I am sure that dd sends letters to them and cards which she signs of with her surname. I know for certain that invites have dd surname on.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now