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to not have mil to stay for Christmas

(30 Posts)
cheshirekitty Sat 06-Sep-08 20:23:17

Every year we have my mil to stay for Christmas. This year we sold our 5 bed house and bought a 2 bed apartment. My 19 year old daughter will be home for Christmas and we will not have room for mil.

My husband phoned her to let her know and give her plenty of time to do something else. She had offers last year to go to her sils, but refused until we asked her to stay with us again.

She has told my sil she believes we only moved into a 2 bed apartment so we don't have to have her!!(Not true, it was done for financial reasons).

She has done loads of nasty things to me in the past, and just for once I would like a nice Christmas, just dh, me and dd.

So AIBU. Thoughts please.

takingitasitcomes Sat 06-Sep-08 20:37:48

You say that it's a space issue, but then the last sentence makes it clear that it's all a bit more than that. If you wanted to have her there for Christmas, surely your 19 yr old could cope sleeping on a blow-up mattress on the floor? But you don't want her there... and she knows it. Very tricky situation. How does DH feel? If she is nasty, then YANBU. However, if she's a slightly nasty sad older lady, then maybe it is a bit harsh to leave her feeling unwanted at Christmas time?

BouncingTurtle Sat 06-Sep-08 20:38:49

I didn't think you were BU until I got to the bit about 'She has done loads of nasty things to me in the past'. Then I KNEW you were DEFINITELY NBU! smile

Let your DH sort it out though, she's his mother.

dizzydixies Sat 06-Sep-08 20:40:03

time for dh to speak up and make sure she goes somewhere else, christmas is a special time and if she ruins it intentionally she shouldn't be welcome

PavlovtheCat Sat 06-Sep-08 20:40:58

Regardless of the reason, if you have had her there for a few years in a row, and you would like a family just you, DH and DD, then YANBU.

It is not like she is going to be eating a frozen xmas dinner on her own. She is wanted elsewhere as well as yours.

cheshirekitty Sat 06-Sep-08 20:41:04

mil has suggested we turf dd out to a hotel so we can have mil. Somehow, do not think that will happen. (Lounge is so small, will not take a blow up mattress).

LittleMyDancing Sat 06-Sep-08 20:42:46

if she didn't have anywhere else to go, I would say you were BU. But sounds like she could easily go to SIL's place.

Why doesn't she want to go there?

cheshirekitty Sat 06-Sep-08 20:43:53

Just to let you know what she does, one year I was working nights all over Christmas. Heard door banging, bang, bang, bang. Snuck downstairs and she was opening and shutting the door so it would bang???So much for trying to get a sleep.

Wonder if she does it for attention or is she just a mad person.

expatinscotland Sat 06-Sep-08 20:44:30

i think i'd plan to leave town, tbh.

or just put out that we were going on holiday this year and had already booked the lodging, just you, DH and your DD.

BreeVanderCampLGJ Sat 06-Sep-08 20:46:08

You have done you purgatory.

Do not feel guilty, move on.

twoluvlykids Sat 06-Sep-08 20:47:41

she actually suggested you send your dd to a hotel for xmas? shock horror, she sounds a bit rotten to me, yanbu, but make dh sort it out!

takingitasitcomes Sat 06-Sep-08 20:48:22

She sounds a wee bit mad TBH. Dealing with slightly loopey and nasty relatives is horrid. Such a mixture of love/hate/guilt etc. Like the others, I think you are being reasonable to want a year off. Have you or DH spoken to MIL's SIL about it? Perhaps the SIL could make a big fuss about wanting MIL this year to make her feel better?

MrsMattie Sat 06-Sep-08 20:49:57

She's got a daughter. Why doesn't she have her for a nice change smile

dizzydixies Sat 06-Sep-08 20:50:03

pmsl - well said Bree!

cheshirekitty Sat 06-Sep-08 20:50:25

Have decided to let dh deal with it. Just said to him, this year it is me, you and dh only.

dizzydixies Sat 06-Sep-08 20:51:21

well said! stay strong

cupsoftea Sat 06-Sep-08 20:51:35

yanbu - wonder why she doesn't go to your sils - perhaps she's been told no. How horrid to say your dd should go to a hotel!! Just refuse to have her to stay.

takingitasitcomes Sat 06-Sep-08 20:51:36

Good move - it really is his minefield to cross!

cupsoftea Sat 06-Sep-08 20:52:41

Call her & remind her about the door banging - unacceptable & nasty.

StayFrosty Sun 07-Sep-08 01:46:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ninedragons Sun 07-Sep-08 06:30:49

What did she say when you caught her red-handed banging the door?

branflake81 Sun 07-Sep-08 06:58:55

I think it's one day of the year, it would make her happy to be there, it's Christmas and you should just squeeze her in. YABU.

cheshirekitty Sun 07-Sep-08 08:20:56

When I caught her banging the door (dh and dd had gone out shopping) she said she thought I had had enough sleep (4 hours and was doing another night shift that night).

My bil will not have her for xmas, but I think this year he will have to. Out of 21 xmas's together we have had only 1 with just dd, dh and me.

She is passive agressive, and I think if she does come to the apartment this year, she could end up --being pushed off--falling off the balcony.

sunnydelight Sun 07-Sep-08 08:35:14

No, YANBU. My MIL stuffed up my Christmas for more years than I care to remember and one of the greatest joys in leaving for Australia was the knowledge that I will never, ever have to have her for Christmas again grin Enjoy your family Christmas; if she had no other options it would be different but she has, and if she chooses not to take them that's her problem, not yours.

lalalonglegs Sun 07-Sep-08 08:44:00

Oh God, don't tell me we're onto moaning about Christmas arrangements already?

<<Lala packs up laptop and heads for land where people get on with their families>>

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